FAD2230 Lecture 17 Outline of Last Lecture I Conflict II Are Conflicts Healthy III Are All Conflicts Solvable IV Avoiding Conflict V Passive Aggression VI Gottman s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Outline of Current Lecture I Gender Difference II Gender Patterns III What Can Women Do IV What Men Can Do V Taking a Time Out VI Speak Listener Technique Current Lecture Gender Difference Report talk conversation aimed mainly at convening information o men usually engage in this form of communication Rapport talk speaking to gain or reinforce rapport or intimacy o Women usually engage in this form of communication Gender Patterns Female demand male with drawl pattern o Women attuned to emotional quality of relationships o Men try to minimize conflict o How to avoid Communicate men not to demand so much women Goals of men and women o Women resolve the conflict with understanding o Men avoid a blow up What Can Women Do Use positive effect o Shared humor o Expression of affection Soften the way she brings up complaint What Men Can Do Do not escalate the argument with o Defensiveness o Contempt o Belligerence o Try to share power in the relationship accept influence Taking a Time Out Steps 1 Recognize communication danger signs 2 Call the time out in a proper manner we need to take a time out I need a time out 3 Go do something to calm down Don t ruminate or plan your next attack 4 Time back in when both parties are calm and can speak productively Speak Listener Technique Rules of good conversation doesn t apply to bad conversation
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