Chapter 11 Power and Violence in Marriages and Families Types of power o Coercive ability to punish someone Ex parent over child o Reward ability to give someone something o Expert power over individual when you have expertise in something Ex gifts Ex teach over student o Informational know information and use that info to have power over someone Ex smoking causes cancer so you should stop smoking blackmail o Referent power a person gives up to someone else Ex Stockholm syndrome someone who is in captivity is sympathetic to captiver o Legitimate power that someone gives you so you can have power over someone else Ex mother hiring babysitter to have power over children Ex attorney to practice law police officer given authority by state Marital Power o First studied in 1950 s Blood and Wolfe interviewed wives only Resource hypothesis the spouse with more resources has more power in marriage Main society said so they control money situation Study results Most families 72 had relatively equalitarian decision making structure 25 husbands made decisions 3 wives made decisions Problems of the study What domains men and women have power over o Women food shopping and cleaning o Men where they live jobs finances having the power to make trivial decisions is not the same as having the power to make important ones Resources and Gender o Men tend to have more resources Money Education Status Physical strength Alternatives to marriages o Women tend to be most equal with need at the beg of marriages o First pregnancy and birth diminishes women s resources Female may take time off and lose income Dependent on males to be father and earner Have less energy to resist dominance of husband Future of martial power o Working women are happier in their marriages More financial freedom Psychological benefits o Mutually economically dependent couples Couples in which part earns 40 to 50 of the couples income Possible fight how the money is split Males will think they are more rational and women are too emotional so they think they should make decisions Women s resources may be increased in value caring emotional support warmth and nurturing Equality between men and women may occur in overall society Women being nurturing at home but also having a say in society laws Four couple types o Heterosexual married heterosexual cohabitating lesbian and gay Heterosexual married cohabitating have less equality in relationship Have gender roles and society influence relationship Gay and lesbian share domestic duties more including child rearing Gays are more competitive Lesbians are more relationship focused o Intimacy is greatest when power is equal o No power equal power in relationship I m not seeking to control you nor are you Power and intimacy to me Power Politics o Seek to negotiate and compromise not to win o How do spouses exert power in a marriage Leaving threatening Withholding distancing Withholding sex distancing someone I don t want to be close to you Pouting sulking Silent treatment Infidelity o Accumulation of power politics leads to loneliness and distance in marriage o Alternative to power politics Partners take charge of separate domains May decrease intimacy Reinforces separateness o I ll go out with my friends and you go out with yours o I ll do the dishes you do the laundry Subordinate spouse disengages from power struggles More powerful partner relinquish some power to save or enhance the marriage Let the lesser powerful partner win or take a step back The healthiest type of alternative Family Violence o all forms of abuse have at their center the exploitation of power difference o Child abuse elder abuse husband abuse o Dating violence domestic violence sexual coercion 3 Phase Cycle of Violence o Tension resulting from some minor altercation building over a period of time o Situation escalates exploding into another violent episode o Violent person becomes contrite apologetic treating his her spouse or partner lovingly Power and Control Wheel Keeps person in relationship o Using intimidation making her afraid by using looks actions gestures o Using emotional abuse putting her down o Using isolation controlling what she does o Min denying and blaming making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously allowance o Using children making her feel guilty about the children o Using male privilege treating her like a servant acting like the master of the castle o Use economic abuse preventing her from getting or keeping a job giving her an o Use coercion and threats making threats to do something to hurt her threatening to leave her or commit suicide Types of violence o Intimate Partner Violence violence committed by spouses ex spouse or current or former bf gf including same sex partner o Patriarchal Terrorism controlling the partner through fear and intimidation Fear that they will leave you o Common Couple Violence mutual violence with a specific argument Usually younger couples Grow out of this Ex to many drinks girl slaps guy guy slaps girl Why abusers do it Why do victims put up with it o Feelings of powerlessness lack of resources insecurity alcohol substance abuse o Fear fear for life fear of what other will think o Cultural norms parents hitting children spanking o Love economic dependence and hope for reform o Gendered socialization o Childhood experiences o Low self esteem Children and Violence o Child abuse physical sexual emotional o Child neglect o Sibling violence o Florida abuse hotline 1800 96 abuse Likely to occur with someone that is always in contact with them Chapter 12 The Process of Divorce Today s high US divorce rate o On avg 40 50 of marrieds can expect to have their marriages dissolve over the life course o The divorce rate is about 50 for first marriages o The divorce rate is about 65 for second marriages Why are couples divorcing o Various factors can bind marriages and families together including Economic independence Combined money goes farther nicer house budget better Legal social and moral constraints Can t just break up fear of being labeled as divorced people have values value marriage and commitment o The binding strength of some of these factors has lessened Love the spouse even through fights healthy way Spouse s relationship Economic factors Wives in the labor force independent effect income effect o I am a strong women who don t need no man High expectations of marriage Emotions let emotions get in the way of marriage most of the time
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