CHAPTER 6 CONFLICT AND COMMUNICATION Communication What is communication o The process of exchanging and interpreting ideas and feelings o Two way process even when someone doesn t say anything they re sending a message that they re mad at you disinterested or they re listening etc o People view and interpret communication differently o Expresses how you feel and what you think communication helps build relationship and bonding when its positive What are some characteristics of communication o Ex I did not tell Pam that Jim is stupid If emphasize one word or change tone of voice several different versions of this phrase Emphasizing I maybe someone else did Emphasizing not sounds defensive Emphasizing tell maybe didn t tell pam but emailed her Emphasizing pam maybe told someone else Emphasizing stupid maybe said something else about Jim that wasn t nice Context depends on body language tone of voice etc o Positive negative open closed Communication Assumptions Family communication is not random o Consistent repetitive patterns some people have favorite words o If you needed some money you know who you would call based on interactions in the past can hear people s responses in mind o Doesn t happen by accident Communication is transactional o Exchanging information o All human behavior is a continuous exchange and partners are simultaneously senders and receivers of messages Communication is a process o It is dynamic and always changing and culture race ethnicity and sex are all critical Communication included co construction of meanings o Each partner speaks a language and interprets meaning in a way acquired from his or her family of orientation Communication uses symbols o To construct meanings or definitions we rely on symbols that can be verbal like words or nonverbal like gestures It is impossible not to communicate o Awkward experience on elevator with someone you know but not to well if you don t say anything to each other you re still communicating that I m disinterested I m shy I don t know you too well o Passing someone on the street and not saying hi Elements of Communication The communicator the person who creates and sends the message o Individual is a total system Individual who is unique is comprise of a total number of different parts personality family background intelligence values education level experiences thoughts and feelings etc all come into play when creating message to send o What we wear body presence facial expressions mannerisms and tone of voice are all forms of information about the communicator Ex if you re on receiving end of someone yelling at you you can see that they re feeling anger communicating mood and feelings Ex When dressed up for a date or job interview communicating that we value ourselves and the experience we re about to have it s important to us The message the unit of information transmitted between sender and receiver o Message may contain thoughts feelings ideas suggestions or commands receives it o Prepared encoded by the communicator o How one person sends a message isn t necessarily how someone else It s important for communicator to think about sending a message in a way that the receiver can receive it However many communicators send messages the way they want to send it rather than thinking about how the person on the other end might receive it The medium the way a message Is presented to the recipient o Talking most common television text message note email body language facial expressions etc o Message is often determined to a degree by the medium Ex a time you received a message especially a text that you misinterpreted because you implied a tone of voice or thought they were being sarcastic but they were being literal Ex The word fine can mean you re doing fine you have to pay a fine or fine like you re mad or can even be a compliment like you re so fineeee One word can be so many things but voice inflection facial expression and context provide so much information about that word Very important to have important conversations in person or on the phone because there s room for misinterpretation The recipient the receiver of the message o The receiver interprets the message based on his her personality life experiences and the relational context type of relationship it s in Example of relational context you may interpret the same message sent by your parents and friends differently Communication Own style of communication and unique thoughts and feelings Intent what they want the recipient to get out of their message Encode find a way to make their thoughts and feelings useable through words or actions Occurs in private domain occurs within individuals mind not a behavior Public domain visible to recipient Private domain of recipient decodes message and impacts them based on unique thoughts and feelings and communication background Then receiver becomes communicator because it s a transaction and communicator becomes receiver When you communicate with someone you re not aware of this process because people often speak without thinking this process occurs rapidly Conflict What is a conflict o Requires two options choices Conflicts of opinion Conflicts in your calendar for example if you have two different appointment listed under the same time o When you have two unique individuals in a relationship with they re own ideas thoughts and feelings it is common for them to have difference in opinions and different thoughts and feelings and interpretation of those thoughts and feelings Some different definitions o Disagreements over decision making problem solving or achieving goals which can result from differences between group members in personality perception information tolerance for risk and power or influence o Incompatibility o Disagreement o Opposition o Battle o Struggle o People even have different opinions on what warrants a conflict one person may say they re fighting and the other may think they re not Are conflicts healthy Jon Gottman found that fighting or airing out grievances and complaints is one of the healthiest things that a couple can do for their relationship o Not conflict that s the problem but how you handle the conflict o Conflict is present in all relationships mother child professional etc Why over again bonding o Helps people solve problems so they don t repeat problems over and o Try to understand each other and the other s perspective creates o If not people are still building up negative
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