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Communication 23 10 2012 14 30 00 receiver feelings Communication the process of exchanging and interpreting ideas and Assumptions Family communication is not random Consisten repetitive patterns o Communication is transactional exchange of info o It is impossible not to communicate Elements The communicator the message the medium the recipient Communicator the person who creates and sends the message Individual is the TOTAL system What we wear body presence facial expressions mannerisms and tone of voice are all included in the info Message the unit of information transmitted between sender and Contains thoughts feelings ideas suggestions or commands Medium way the message was presented Talking TV text online The message can be determined by the medium Recipient who receives the message They will interpret the message as well based on personality life experience and who it relates to them Conflict requires two options choices synonyms incompatibility disagreement oppostion battle struggle healthiest things people can do for their relationship Because Solvable Conflict has a solution ex cutting the grass Jon Gr sp found that talking working grievances is one of the Perpetual Conflict problem that within a relationship that can never be solved ex having children something else like over eat gossip with everyone about the problem except the person Anger insteads people feel uncomfortable being mad so they do Passive Aggression expressing anger indirectly Ex Chronic criticism nagging sarcasm forms of sabotage o Sabotage one partner attemps to spoil or undermine some activity the other has planned o Displacement a person directs anger a the people or things that the other cherishes o Gottman s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Conquest Death War Famine Contempt rolling eyes mocking Criticsim Defensiveness defending yourself from perceived attack will escalate an argument Stonewalling a person refuses to listen to their partner s complaints or stories physically and emotionally Beligerence a behavior that is provocative and challenged the spouse s power and authority This was added by Gottman later on ex What can you do if I go out drinking with Dave What are you going to do about it Gender Differences Report talk Men conversation aimed mainly at conveying info Rapport talk Women speaking to gain or reinforce rapport or intimacy o Women tend to be attuned to emotional quality of relationship resolve the conflict with understanding o Men try to minimize conflict and avoid a blowup What women can do use positive affect shared humor expressions of affection soften the way she brings up the complaint What men can do do not escalate with defensiveness contempt or belligerence Try to share power in the relationship accept influence o Doing gender we take power differentials among men and women for granted and continue to reproduce them simply because they are so ingrained PREP Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program o Ineffective ways of complaining mind reading name calling you always you never blaming o Communication danger signs escalation put down invalidation avoidance withdrawal Speaker Listener technique o Speaker speak for yourself don t mind read Keep statements brief don t go on and on stop to let the listener paraphrase o Listener paraphrase what you hear focus on the speaker s message don t rebut individual culture values personal emphasis is placed on indirect non High vs low context cultures Individualist vs collective cultures achievement and independence General belief is that people are responsible for themselves and should receive little help from outside verbal communication of few Great distance between those who have power and the masses that don t as Greece Portugal or Serbia create clear cut rules for behavior and communication Masculine vs feminine cultures Centralized vs decentralized power cultures don t tolerate ambiguity well such High vs low ambiguity centralized means in the hands based on stereotypes Short term vs long term orientation time is critical to understanding its worldview and patterns of communication how a culture uses values Bypassing to misunderstand what someone is saying because in the Biased language using words that reflect biases about race Overgeneralizing sweeping generalizations such as you always Lack of Precision the mistake of one word or phrase for another Polarization people speaking in extremes it s all your fault I didn t English language one word has many meetings What does it really mean when someone says they love you literally or figuratively forget to unload the dishwasher Static Evaluation continuing to make statements that do not allow for change You ve always been the wild one in the family haven t you do it ethnicity sex orienation etc interfering with our goal or has incompatible goals disagree about information more difficult to resolve because it results from differing opinions on subjects that relate to personal values and to issues of right or wrong Ego conflict belive they must win at all costs to succeed paying job can use that advantage to generate more power in the relationship therefore influence decision making resources to the relationship Relative love and need theory suggests that each partner brings Resource theory the spouse with the more prestigious or higher the most difficult type because it arises when individuals occurs when we falsely perceive that our partner is Content Conflict Value conflict Pseudoconflict Marriage 23 10 2012 14 30 00 Marriage is a state law All state limit one living husband or wife at a time Can only remarry if widowed divorced or annulled o Each state sets regulations on age close relationships o Same sex marriage is outlawed in many states some have domestic partner laws Defense of Marriage Act DOMA 1996 o Federal statute declaring marriage to be a legal union of one man and one woman o Allows states to refuse to grant reciprocity concerning same sex marriage Preparing for Marriage Current trends increase in divorce rates decrease in marital satisfaction o Prevention methods change in policy laws Family life education premarital education counseling states offer incentives for attending Marital resilience perspective view that overall marriage is no weaker than in the past but that all families need an increase in structural support to thrive Whites Hispanics have the highest percentage of marriage A higher percentage of men are married then women but a higher


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FSU FAD 2230 - Communication

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