FAD2230 Lecture 16 Outline of Last Lecture I Communication Assumptions II Communication is Transactional III Communicator IV Message V Medium VI Recipient Outline of Current Lecture I Conflict II Are Conflicts Healthy III Are All Conflicts Solvable IV Avoiding Conflict V Passive Aggression VI Gottman s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Current Lecture Conflict Requires 2 options choices pick a restaurant different opinions Incompatibility disagreement opposition battle struggle Are Conflicts Healthy Jon Goltman found that fighting is airing out grievances and complaints Is one of the healthiest things that a couple can do for their relationship Similar to ice berg effect Are All Conflicts Solvable Solvable conflict or problem that has a solution ex cutting the grass Perpetual Conflict or problem that with in a relationship that can never be solves ex Having kids can t change some ones personality Avoiding Conflict Anger Instead people feel uncomfortable being mad so they do something else instead like eating gossiping talking about the problems to everyone else expect the person Passive Aggression def When a person expresses anger at someone but does so indirectly rather then directly Ex chronic criticism nagging sarcasm forms of sabotage o Sabotage one partner attempts to spoil or undermine some activity the other has planned o Displacement a person directs anger at the people an things that the other one cherishes Gottman s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Contempt characterizes by the intent to insult or above yours partner emotionally Roll your eyes mocking Criticism attacking personality rather then the specific behavior You re lazy Defensiveness defending yourself from a perceived attack will escalate an argument You never do dishes Stonewalling a person refuses to listen to their partners complaints or stories physically emotionally Hang up phone slam door cold shoulder Belligerence A behavior that is provocative and that challenges the spouses power and authority o Gottman later added this after much research o Ex What are you going to do about it It s none of your business
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