FAD2230 Lecture 16 Outline of Last LectureI. Communication AssumptionsII. Communication is TransactionalIII. CommunicatorIV. MessageV. MediumVI. RecipientOutline of Current LectureI. ConflictII. Are Conflicts Healthy?III. Are All Conflicts Solvable?IV. Avoiding ConflictV. Passive AggressionVI. Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the ApocalypseCurrent LectureConflict- Requires 2 options/choices (pick a restaurant, different opinions)(Incompatibility, disagreement, opposition, battle, struggle)Are Conflicts Healthy?- Jon Goltman found that fighting is airing out grievances and complaints. Is one of the healthiest things that a couple can do for their relationship. (Similar to ice berg effect)-Are All Conflicts Solvable?- Solvable: conflict or problem that has a solution (ex. cutting the grass)- Perpetual: Conflict or problem that with in a relationship that can never be solves.(ex. Having kids)(can’t change some ones personality)Avoiding Conflict- Anger “Instead”: people feel uncomfortable being mad so they do something else instead like eating, gossiping, talking about the problems to everyone else expect the personPassive Aggression- def. When a person expresses anger at someone but does so indirectly ratherthen directly. Ex. chronic criticism, nagging, sarcasm, forms of sabotageo Sabotage: one partner attempts to spoil or undermine some activity the other has plannedo Displacement: a person directs anger at the people an things that the other one cherishesGottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse- Contempt: characterizes by the intent to insult or above yours partner emotionally. (Roll your eyes, mocking)- Criticism: attacking personality rather then the specific behavior (You’re lazy.. )- Defensiveness: defending yourself from a perceived attack will escalate an argument (You never do dishes!)- Stonewalling: a person refuses to listen to their partners complaints or stories(physically & emotionally)(Hang up phone, slam door)(cold shoulder)- Belligerence: A behavior that is provocative and that challenges the spouses power and authorityo Gottman later added this after much researcho Ex. (What are you going to do about it? It’s none of your
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