FSU FAD 2230 - Chapter 11: Power and Violence in Marriages and Families

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Chapter 11: Power and Violence in Marriages and Families- Types of powero Coercive: ability to punish someone Ex- parent over childo Reward: ability to give someone something Ex- giftso Expert: power over individual when you have expertise in something Ex- teach over studento Informational: know information and use that info to have power over someone Ex- “smoking causes cancer, so you should stop smoking” “blackmail”o Referent: power a person gives up to someone else Ex- Stockholm syndrome (someone who is in captivity is sympathetic to captiver)o Legitimate: power that someone gives you so you can have power over someone else Ex- mother hiring babysitter to have power over children Ex- attorney to practice law/ police officer given authority by state- Marital Powero First studied in 1950’s Blood and Wolfe: interviewed wives only Resource hypothesis: the spouse with more resources has more power in marriage- Main-society said so; they control money situation Study results- Most families (72%) had “relatively equalitarian” decision-making structure- 25%: husbands made decisions- 3%: wives made decisions Problems of the study- What domains men and women have power overo Women- food, shopping, and cleaningo Men- where they live, jobs, finances- “having the power to make trivial decisions is not the same as having the power to make important ones”- Resources and Gender o Men tend to have more resources Money Education Status Physical strength Alternatives to marriageso Women tend to be most equal with need at the beg of marriageso First pregnancy and birth diminishes women’s resources Female may take time off and lose income Dependent on males to be father and earner Have less energy to resist dominance of husband- Future of martial powero Working women are happier in their marriages More financial freedom Psychological benefitso Mutually economically dependent couples Couples in which part earns 40 to 50% of the couples income Possible fight: how the money is split- Males will think they are more rational and women are too emotional so they think they should make decisions Women’s resources may be increased in value: caring, emotional support, warmth, and nurturing Equality between men and women may occur in overall society- Women being nurturing at home but also having a say in society (laws)- Four couple typeso Heterosexual married, heterosexual cohabitating, lesbian, and gay Heterosexual married/cohabitating have less equality in relationship- Have gender roles and society influence relationship Gay and lesbian share domestic duties more (including child-rearing)- Gays are more competitive - Lesbians are more relationship focused- Power and intimacyo Intimacy is greatest when power is equalo No power = equal power in relationship  “I’m not seeking to control you, nor are you to me”o Seek to negotiate and compromise, not to win- Power Politicso How do spouses exert power in a marriage? Leaving/threatening Withholding/ distancing- Withholding sex, distancing someone- “I don’t want to be close to you” Pouting/ sulking- Silent treatment Infidelityo Accumulation of power politics leads to loneliness and distance in marriageo Alternative to power politics Partners take charge of separate domains- May decrease intimacy- Reinforces “separateness”o “I’ll go out with my friends and you go out with yours”o “I’ll do the dishes, you do the laundry” Subordinate spouse disengages from power struggles More powerful partner relinquish some power to save or enhance the marriage- Let the lesser powerful partner win or take a step back- The healthiest type of alternative- Family Violenceo “all forms of abuse have at their center the exploitation of power difference”o Child abuse, elder abuse, husband abuseo Dating violence, domestic violence, sexual coercion- 3-Phase Cycle of Violenceo Tension resulting from some minor altercation building over a period of timeo Situation escalates, exploding into another violent episodeo Violent person becomes contrite (apologetic), treating his/her spouse or partner lovingly Keeps person in relationship- Power and Control Wheelo Using intimidation: making her afraid by using looks, actions, gestureso Using emotional abuse: putting her downo Using isolation: controlling what she doeso Min. denying and blaming : making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriouslyo Using children: making her feel guilty about the childreno Using male privilege: treating her like a servant; acting like the master of the castleo Use economic abuse: preventing her from getting or keeping a job; giving her an allowanceo Use coercion and threats: making threats to do something to hurt her; threatening to leave her or commit suicide- Types of violenceo Intimate-Partner Violence: violence committed by spouses, ex-spouse, or current or former bf/gf including same sex partnero Patriarchal Terrorism: controlling the partner through fear and intimidation Fear that they will leave youo Common Couple Violence: mutual violence with a specific argument Usually younger couples Grow out of this Ex- to many drinks , girl slaps guy, guy slaps girl- Why abusers do ito Feelings of powerlessness, lack of resources, insecurity, alcohol/ substance abuse- Why do victims put up with ito Fear- fear for life, fear of what other will thinko Cultural norms- parents hitting children (spanking)o Love, economic dependence, and hope for reformo Gendered socializationo Childhood experienceso Low self-esteem- Children and Violenceo Child abuse: physical, sexual, emotional Likely to occur with someone that is always in contact with themo Child neglecto Sibling violence o Florida abuse hotline: 1800-96-abuseChapter 12: The Process of Divorce- Today’s high US divorce rateo On avg, 40-50% of marrieds can expect to have their marriages dissolve over the life courseo The divorce rate is about 50% for first marriageso The divorce rate is about 65% for second marriages- Why are couples divorcing?o Various factors can bind marriages and families together including: Economic independence- Combined money goes farther (nicer house, budget better) Legal, social, and moral constraints- Can’t just break up; fear of being labeled as divorced; people have values (value marriage and commitment) Spouse’s relationship-


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FSU FAD 2230 - Chapter 11: Power and Violence in Marriages and Families

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