1FS 2017 understanding relationships2 CHAPTER 3 might be 7 BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS EXPECTATION o Expectations Most issues that come up in relationships have something to do with Often we do not know or communicate our expectations until they have expectations been violated ex someone bothers you but they didn t know it bothered you o Problems with Expectations Expectations are problems when 1 Unaware o ex iceberg 2 Unreasonable o ex bf not letting gf go out 3 Unspoken o ex gf didn t know bf was sick and she should ve know o Conflict about Expectations Iceberg What you see event What you get perceptions attitudes mood gender assumptions suspicions needs values culture interests style feelings expectations and communication o Common Expectation Clashes 1 Men s vs Women s roles Women do housework men don t Men pay for dates and open doors women don t 2 Contact with previous partners 3 Money 4 Standards of cleanliness 5 Time spent together ex when parents get mad at your for coming home from break and not spending time with them but they don t tell you o Are They Realistic Are your expectations realistic How do you know this o Ex research o Ex couple sex life What if you believe your expectation is realistic and your partner Do you have a bottom line dealbreaker does not o Ex don t disrespect my family If expectations IS valid but has been violated then approach your partner in such a manner I would appreciate it if you would or I would really prefer that you Common Realistic Expectations Common Unrealistic Expectations 1 Mindreading is expected 2 Disagreement is destructive 3 Sexual perfectionism 4 Partners relationships cannot change 5 Sexes are different 1 Loyalty Fidelity 2 Trust Honesty 3 Good communication 4 Conflict in relationship 5 Safety emotional psychological physical Summary Deal with Expectations 1 Are you aware of them 2 Are they reasonable 3 Have you spoken to your partner about them 4 Are both of you willing to meet the other person s most important o Ex serve one king don t expect me to serve another and reasonable expectation CHAPTER 7 BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS IN A CHANGING WORLD o Being Single Single a person who has never marries is divorced or is widowed There is a difference between being single by choice or because of circumstance o Types of Single Voluntary Temporary Singles unmarried adults who may be delaying Voluntary Stable Singles unmarried adults desiring a single unmarried marriage while pursuing education or establishing a career lifestyle Want to live bachelor life Nuns priests monks Involuntary Temporary Singles singles actively searching for a mate but unable to find a suitable one Involuntary Stable Singles unmarried adults who can expect to be single for life even though they may not want to be o Friendships o Hopeless Friendships provide valuable support while single and partnered Female friendships more intimate relationship focused Male friendships less intimate activity focused Cross sex friendships more common today than in past generations can be complicated with tensions Talking stage Calling young man visiting in a woman s home Dating occur in social settings outside of the home can occur in pairs or Cohabitation committed couples that are living together but are not o Evolution of Dating in groups married o Who do we date social class values Homogamy people who are similar on characteristics such as ethnicity Propinquity geographic closeness Pool of eligible the pool of people from which we are able to choose Cohabitation living with a romantic partner without being married mates o Cohabitation o Views on Cohabitation Because they assume you re having sex It is a sin It makes financial and logistical sense We are getting married in a few months An alternate to marriage A testing ground to marriage Cohabitation is linked to o Cohabitation Firefighter widow couldn t remarry in order to receive pension Reasons Relationships that do not last very long More likely to have unhappy marriages More likely to divorce Selection effect characteristics of the person are more important Experience effect the experience of one or more cohabitations is than actual cohabitation important Homosexual couple and Heterosexual couple are more alike than different Homosexual couples receive less family support than heterosexual couples but received more friend support Lesbian couples usually have the most equal and least sexualized relationships out of all homosexual and heterosexual couple types o Homosexual Relationships CHAPTER 8 LOVE AND LOVING RELATIONSHIPS o What is Love o Feminization of Love o Images of Love in History Love a strong affection for one another arising out of kinship or personal ties attraction based on sexual desire and affection based on admiration benevolence or common interests Romantic love and marriage were often not attached to each other Ancient Greek Roman mythology did not associate love with Early Christianity did not associate love with marriage 12th century during the Middle Ages there were some precursors to marriage out nation of romantic love in marriage The process beginning in the 19th century in which love became associated with the private work of women in the home namely nurturing and caring for family members Industrial Revolution men go to work and experience the stresses of labor outside the home The home becomes a haven of rest for men and women becomes the keepers of it Thus caregiving and domesticity begin to become evidence of love Romantic Love a type of love that is characterized by passion melodrama and excitement and which receives a lot of media attention Companionate Love a type of love that grows over time based on strong commitment friendship and trust Limerance very intense emotions experiences during the early formation of attachment to an individual Young lovers not being able to stop smiling Sociobiology an evolutionary theory that all humans have an instinctive impulse to pass on their genetic material Biochemical Perspectives of Love theories that suggest humans are attracted to certain types of people at which point the brain releases natural chemicals that give us a rush we experience as sexual attraction o Theoretical Perspectives on Love o Contemporary Ideas about Love o Love as Attachment Attachment Theory a theory postulating that the way in which infants form attachments early in life will affect relationships throughout later life o Types of Attachment Children Secure Attachment an
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