Chapter 7 Building Relationships Being Single Single a person who has never married is divorced or is widowed We often look at people s relationship status of married or not married This definition always does not include homosexuals There is a difference between being single by choice or because of circumstance When younger have high of never being married as you get older it decreases that they have never ben married and more likely to be single Types of Single Voluntary Temporary Singles Unmarried adults who may be delaying marriage while pursuing education or establishing a career o Voluntary means choice temporary is not viewed as long term Most college students are in this stage saying would like to be married one day but not right now Voluntary Stable Singles Unmarried adults desiring a single unmarried lifestyle o Bachelors may decide to not want to be married just committed relationships even profession such as catholic fathers vows to not have sex or married Involuntary Temporary Singles Singles actively searching for a mate but unable to find a suitable one o Type of person who does not like that they are single and want to be married and in the process of looking Involuntary Stable Singles Unmarried adults who can expect to be single for life even though they may not want to be o Those who think they will be single for the rest of their lives this person has attempted to date or get married and just did not have a good history of it Accepted that they will be single given up hope Friendships Friendships provide valuable support while single and partnered Important when single And in married indivuduals Support etc Female friendships more intimate relationship focused o Talking communicating and reinforcing friendships Male friendships less intimate activity focused o Intimate as in sharing emotions thoughts feelings Focus activities such as Cross sex friendships more common today than in past generations can be fishing football etc complicated with tensions o Tension can arise when you have a dating partner who may be insecure about your male friends A little jealousy is healthy but when it is controlling then it may be a problem Evolution of Dating Calling young man visiting in a woman s home o Planning in advance calling through letters Visiting would be with the family around Calling did not ensure a lot of privacy Dating occur in social settings outside of the home can occur in pairs or in groups o Due to industrialization increase in businesses people needed places to eat drink etc opened up restaurants and bars Groups were largely not in family groups but with friends Cohabitating committed couples who are living together but are not married Technology influences dating telephones face time long distance relationships are much different then they are today vs wringing letters Cars and airplanes enable dating those who live far away Social media such as Facebook to announce to the world that you are in a relationship dating Social media and dating sites allow us to date people we would have never met This also presents challenges in dates such as texting allow people to be sneaking and cheating and social media provides opportunity to reconnect with ex partners Who do we date values Homogamy people who are similar on characteristics such as ethnicity social class o Usually women date those who are similar to them Propinquity geographic closeness o We typically date people who are close to us We choose people who are near to us Who we choose from is who are close to us Pool of eligible the pool of people from which we are able to choose mates o If you are a heterosexual male you will choose from a pool of eligible It can be defined by education class age etc Mrs Jeter would not be looking at Florida State for her pool of eligible if you move and have a job you will not choose from FSU and more towards people who are young adults o Men have a larger pool of eligible because they date younger women have smaller Cohabitation Cohabitation living with a romantic partner without being married o Cohabitation has skyrocketed and is becoming increasingly normative 0 4 million in 1960 6 8 million in 2008 It is a growing trend Values have changed over the years becoming increasingly more normative Views on Cohabitation It is a sin o the assumption that you are having sex those who have values that having sex before marriage is a sin will assume that cohabitation is a sin It makes financial and logistical sense o If I have a place and you have a place but we always stay together why not just move in together and save money Share expenses Exchange theory cost and reward analysis say this makes sense to do this We are getting married in a few months o The only thing that is separating us from moving in together was just the legal event A friend was getting married in a few months decided to just move in with her fianc because there was no reason to stay with her mom anymore Her mom was so against this and thought that cohabitation was a sin and did not attend her daughter s wedding An alternative to marriage o Some people may not have the choice of getting married For example homosexuals do not have the option of getting married due to state laws thus they will cohabitate Other factors could be that an individual may be so against getting married Mrs Jeter s aunt was cohabitating with her partner and decided to not get married because her previous husband had died in war and she was receiving pension from it and new if she were to remarry she would not receive that money no longer A testing ground for marriage o To see if getting married will work out for the partners Cohabitation Cohabitation is linked to Research based o Relationships that do not last very long o More likely to have unhappy marriages They are a lot sorter if they did not live together The relationship progresses at a much faster pace and seeing how the partner lives daily does not work out for the other partner Usually when you live with someone you see more of their everyday life and see all the stressors in life This is a correlation It is really easy to slide into the transition of getting married because it is harder to break up and sliding into another relationship So they are having trouble when married and may look back and realize that during cohabitation that I saw signs of this problem and should have not gotten married o More likely to divorce If they view cohabitation as a sin may view divorce
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