FAD2230 EXAM 2 STUDY GUIDE(from the lecture, the slides, and from the book) this class is a lot of memorixation so make sure you don’t skip over the terms/definitionCHAPTER 6: CONFLICT AND COMMUNICATIONCommunication: The process of exchanging and interpreting ideas and feelings; an interactive process or “transaction”- the exchanges of words (symbols) and gestures to sendand receive messages(open communication family communication is not random, (it doesn’t usually happen accidentally, communication has repetitive and consistent patterns) it is impossible to not have communication ( not communicating at all doesn’t mean you are not sending a message to others, your gestures and facial expression are all ways of sending messages)Four Elements of Communication:1. The Communicator- the person who creates and sends the message, the individual acts as the total system (information about the communicator include what we wear, of body presence, our facial expression, our mannerisms and our tone of voice) basically we are already communicating and send a message before we even verbally say anything at all. 2. The Message- the unit of information being transferred between sender and receiver (this can contain information like thoughts, feelings, ideas, suggestions or commands) The massage was prepared by the communicator and in a way “encoded” 3. The Medium- this is the WAY a message is presented to the recipient (talking, e-mail, texting, notes etc) *the message is somewhat determined by the medium For example, writing a letter to someone vs sending a text could have an affect on the meaning or the tone of the message itself4. The Recipient –the receiver of the message, this is the interpreter. The way the message is interpreted depends on the recipient’s personality, life experience, and the relational context (the relational context is basically the relationship between the individuals interacting)(*because the recipient’s life and personality can affect the way a message is interpreted, the communicator can not also assume the message will be interpreted the way is was intended to be)- Conflict- possible when there are two or more options or choices( synonyms: incompatibility, disagreement, opposition, battle, struggle) JON GOTTMAN- fighting or airing out grievances and complaints is one of the healthiest things that a couple can do for their relationship.*WHY? – What you see is not what you get. The concept behind this is that there is more to an event than meets the eye. For example, if your partner is angry and seems distant you might assume it is because of you, but if you talk it out you might realize that they are just overwhelmed with things and it’s not what you thought at all. Know types of conflict: Solvable conflict has a solution (ex. Doing chores) while perpetual conflict is a conflict that cannot be solved (ex, having children)AVOIDING CONFLICT:- Anger "insteads“: people feel uncomfortable being mad so they do something else instead like over eating, gossiping, talking about the problem to everyone except the person- Passive Aggression: when a person expresses anger at someone but does so indirectly rather than directly for example, chronic criticism, nagging, sarcasm, forms of sabotage. -Sabotage: one partner attempts to spoil or undermine some activity the other has planned. -Displacement: a person directs anger at the people or things that the other cherishes.FOUR HORSEMAN OF THE APOCALYPSE:(conquest, death, war and famine)1. CONTEMPT - characterized by the intent to insult or abuse your partner emotionally ( Ex: rolling your eyes, mocking )2. CRITICISM - attacking personality rather than the specific behavior3. DEFENSIVENESS - defending yourself from a perceived attack will escalate an argument. 4. STONEWALLING- a person refuses to listen to their partner’s complaints or stories (physically and emotionally)BELLIGERENCE- a behavior that is provocative and that challenges the spouse’s power and authority. Gottman later added this after much research.-An example of belligerence is the “So what if I do? What are you going to do about it?”GENDER DIFFERENCES Report talk: conversation aimed mainly at conveying information. (Associated behavior of MEN) Rapport talk: speaking to gain or reinforce rapport or intimacy. (Associated with behavior of WOMEN)(I remember this by telling myself that report has one P, it’s simple like the way men communicate, straight to the point…then rapport has two P’s, more complicated, like they way women communicate; more intimate and involved, women complicate things with their feeling)WOMEN MEN- Rapport - Demand pattern - Try to resolve conflict with -Report- Withdrawal pattern-Try to minimize conflictunderstanding - A way women communicate better isto use a positive affect (shared humor and expressions of affection) and soften the way she brings up a complaint -try to avoid a blow-up- A way men can improve communication is to not escalate the argument (avoid defensiveness, contempt, belligerence) and he should try to share power in the relationship and being accepting of their partners influence)- PREP- “Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program” Relationship information and communication skills (*skills have to be practiced to make an improvement) Ineffective ways of complaining: Mind reading Name Calling Blaming (“You always” or “you Never” ) Communication danger signs Escalation Put downs/invalidations Avoidance/ WithdrawalTaking a Time-Out-method used to de-escalate a situation, tell the other person “We Need to take a time out” then you go do something relaxing and don’t ruminate (meaning don’t just think about the argument try and give your mind a break from it) then you time back in after a few minute or hours but a time out should never be an extended period of time or it is no longer a healthy resolution Time back in. Speaker Listener Technique : Speaker: speak for yourself, keep statement brief and stop to let the listener paraphrase Listener: Paraphrase what you hear and focus on the speaker’s message, do not rebutBOTH: The Speaker has the floor and keeps the floor while the listener is paraphrasing, share floor, take turns between being the speaker and the listener WHAT MAKES MARRIAGES WORK? (Scott Stanley)1.Good friendship2.ability to handle issue well3. clear sense of commitment (Gottman)- being gentle with
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