Exam 2 Study Guide Chapter 3 Building Relationships Expectations Expectations o Most issues that come up in relationships have something to do o Often we do not know or communicate our expectations until with expectations they have been violated Problems with Expectations o Think ice burg underlying problems o You or partner are unaware of your own or each other s o May be unreasonable perspective based o Unspoken expecting partner to behave a certain way w o expectations telling them Conflict o What you see tip of ice burg Event o What you get hidden Perceptions attitudes values culture interests gender communication style feelings needs mood expectations suspicions assumptions Common Expectation Clashes o Men s vs women s roles Ex Housework paying for dates men o Contact with previous partners o Money o Standards of cleanliness o Time spent together Are they realistic o For example 3 4 times a week is the average for couples to have sex ages 25 30 guys a lot of times may want 7 times a week bonding etc How do you know if they re realistic o Comparisons how common they are What if you believe your expectation is realistic and your partner doesn t o Convince them converse draw a line o Set agreements Do you have a bottom line deal breaker o Should be some universal abuse o Other examples disrespecting family members cheating lying If expectation is valid but has been violated then approach your partner in such a manner I would appreciate it if you would or I would really prefer that you Common unrealistic expectations o Mindreading o Disagreement is destructive but they are actually healthy o Sexual Perfectionism expecting them or even yourself to be o Partner relationships cannot change but they do people grow o Sexes are different not totally different ex Men can have hurt depends how u handle them perfect and change feelings Common realistic expectations o Loyalty Fidelity despite other options o Trust Honesty different trust styles o Good communication o Conflict in relationship o Safety emotional psychological physical Summary Deal with Expectations 1 Are you aware of them 2 Are they reasonable 3 Have you spoken to your partner about them 4 Are both of you willing to meet the other person s most important and reasonable expectations Chapter 7 Building Relationships in a Changing World Being Single widowed of circumstance o Single A person who has never married is divorced or is o There s a difference between being single by choice or because Types of single o Voluntary Temporary Singles Unmarried adults who may be delaying marriage while pursing education or establishing a career unmarried lifestyle o Voluntary Stable Singles Unmarried adults desiring a single o Involuntary Temporary Singles Singles actively searching o Involuntary Stable Singles Unmarried adults who can for a mater but unable to find a suitable one expect to be single for life even though they may not want to be Friendships o Friendships provide valuable support while single and partnered o Female friendships more intimate relationship focused o Male friendships less intimate activity focused o Cross sex friendships more common today than in past generations can be complicated with tensions Evolution of Dating o Colonial times Calling young man visiting in a woman s home o Industrialized Dating occur in social settings outside of the o Cohabitating committed couples who are living together but under parent s permission and supervision home can occur in pairs or in groups not married Who do we date ethnicity social class values o Homogamy people who are similar on characteristics such as o Propinquity geographic closeness o Pool of eligible the pool of people from which we are able to choose mates Cohabitation married o Cohabitation living with a romantic partner without being o Rising growing over the years o Cohabitation is linked to Relationships that don t last very long see things you More likely to have unhappy marriages transition sliding More likely to divorce likely don t have same religious don t like into a marriage even if it isn t the best option values o Reasons for this Selection effect characteristics of the person are more important than actual cohabitation Example Age marrying young Views hesitancy on marriage Experience effect The experience of one or more cohabitations is important Starts to become a better idea than marriage less expectations investment Views of Cohabitations o It s a sin o It makes financial and logistical sense o We are getting married in a few months o An alternative to marriage o A testing ground for marriage Note The intention for living together is more important and effective than actually living together Homosexual relationships o Homosexual couples and heterosexual couples are more alike than different For ex fighting over the same topics Difference social gender scripts o Homosexual couples receive less family support than heterosexual couples but receive more friend support o Lesbian couples usually have the most equal and least sexualized relationships out of all homosexual and heterosexual couple types Chapter 8 Love and Loving Relationships What is love o Love personal ties A strong affection for one another arising out of kinship or Attraction based on sexual desire Affection based on admiration benevolence or common interests other Images of Love in History o Romantic love and marriage were often not attached to each with marriage Ancient Greek and Roman mythology didn t associate love Early Christianity didn t associate love with marriage 12th century during the middle ages there were some precursors to our notion of romantic love in marriage Feminization of Love o The process beginning in the 19th century in which love became associated with the private work of women in the home name nurturing and caring for family members Industrial Revolution men go to work and experience the stresses of labor outside the home The home becomes a haven of rest for men and women become the keepers of it Thus caregiving and domesticity begin to become evidence of love Contemporary Ideas about Love o Romantic Love and excitement o Companionate Love A type of love that is characterized by passion melodrama Receives a lot of media attention A type of love that grows over time Based on strong commitment friendship and trust Very intense emotions experienced during the early For example Constant smiling lots of energy formation of attachment to an individual o Limerance
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