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FAD2230 EXAM 2 STUDY GUIDE from the lecture the slides and from the book this class is a lot of memorixation so make sure you don t skip over the terms definition CHAPTER 6 CONFLICT AND COMMUNICATION Communication The process of exchanging and interpreting ideas and feelings an interactive process or transaction the exchanges of words symbols and gestures to send and receive messages open communication family communication is not random it doesn t usually happen accidentally communication has repetitive and consistent patterns it is impossible to not have communication not communicating at all doesn t mean you are not sending a message to others your gestures and facial expression are all ways of sending messages Four Elements of Communication 1 The Communicator the person who creates and sends the message the individual acts as the total system information about the communicator include what we wear of body presence our facial expression our mannerisms and our tone of voice basically we are already communicating and send a message before we even verbally say anything at all 2 The Message the unit of information being transferred between sender and receiver this can contain information like thoughts feelings ideas suggestions or commands The massage was prepared by the communicator and in a way encoded 3 The Medium this is the WAY a message is presented to the recipient talking e mail texting notes etc the message is somewhat determined by the medium For example writing a letter to someone vs sending a text could have an affect on the meaning or the tone of the message itself 4 The Recipient the receiver of the message this is the interpreter The way the message is interpreted depends on the recipient s personality life experience and the relational context the relational context is basically the relationship between the individuals interacting because the recipient s life and personality can affect the way a message is interpreted the communicator can not also assume the message will be interpreted the way is was intended to be Conflict possible when there are two or more options or choices synonyms incompatibility disagreement opposition battle struggle JON GOTTMAN fighting or airing out grievances and complaints is one of the healthiest things that a couple can do for their relationship WHY What you see is not what you get The concept behind this is that there is more to an event than meets the eye For example if your partner is angry and seems distant you might assume it is because of you but if you talk it out you might realize that they are just overwhelmed with things and it s not what you thought at all Know types of conflict Solvable conflict has a solution ex Doing chores while perpetual conflict is a conflict that cannot be solved ex having children AVOIDING CONFLICT Anger insteads like over eating gossiping talking about the problem to everyone except the person people feel uncomfortable being mad so they do something else instead Passive Aggression when a person expresses anger at someone but does so indirectly rather than directly for example chronic criticism nagging sarcasm forms of sabotage Sabotage one partner attempts to spoil or undermine some activity the other has planned Displacement a person directs anger at the people or things that the other cherishes FOUR HORSEMAN OF THE APOCALYPSE conquest death war and famine characterized by the intent to insult or abuse your partner emotionally 1 CONTEMPT 2 CRITICISM 3 DEFENSIVENESS Ex rolling your eyes mocking argument physically and emotionally 4 STONEWALLING attacking personality rather than the specific behavior defending yourself from a perceived attack will escalate an a person refuses to listen to their partner s complaints or stories BELLIGERENCE a behavior that is provocative and that challenges the spouse s power and authority Gottman later added this after much research An example of belligerence is the So what if I do What are you going to do about it GENDER DIFFERENCES Report talk conversation aimed mainly at conveying information Associated behavior of MEN Rapport talk speaking to gain or reinforce rapport or intimacy Associated with behavior of WOMEN I remember this by telling myself that report has one P it s simple like the way men communicate straight to the point then rapport has two P s more complicated like they way women communicate more intimate and involved women complicate things with their feeling WOMEN Rapport Demand pattern Try to resolve conflict with MEN Report Withdrawal pattern Try to minimize conflict understanding A way women communicate better is to use a positive affect shared humor and expressions of affection and soften the way she brings up a complaint try to avoid a blow up A way men can improve communication is to not escalate the argument avoid defensiveness contempt belligerence and he should try to share power in the relationship and being accepting of their partners influence PREP Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program Relationship information and communication skills skills have to be practiced to make an improvement Ineffective ways of complaining Mind reading Name Calling Blaming You always or you Never Communication danger signs Escalation Put downs invalidations Avoidance Withdrawal Taking a Time Out method used to de escalate a situation tell the other person We Need to take a time out then you go do something relaxing and don t ruminate meaning don t just think about the argument try and give your mind a break from it then you time back in after a few minute or hours but a time out should never be an extended period of time or it is no longer a healthy resolution Time back in Speaker Listener Technique Speaker speak for yourself keep statement brief and stop to let the listener paraphrase Listener Paraphrase what you hear and focus on the speaker s message do not rebut BOTH The Speaker has the floor and keeps the floor while the listener is paraphrasing share floor take turns between being the speaker and the listener WHAT MAKES MARRIAGES WORK Scott Stanley 1 Good friendship 2 ability to handle issue well 3 clear sense of commitment Gottman being gentle with problems and taking responsibility for your actions conflict is not necessarily a bad thing CHAPTER 7 MARRIAGES a legally and socially recognized relationship that includes sexual economic and social rights and responsibilities for partners There are trends in what a normal marriage entails these


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FSU FAD 2230 - CHAPTER 6: CONFLICT AND COMMUNICATION

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