ch 7 building relationships 03 18 2015 Singlehood Never married and single are not the same thing Young people are most likely to have never married and to be currently single whereas older people may have married in the past but are often single due to widowhood Single a person who has never married is divorced or is widowed US Census Bureau assigns people to one of several specific groups Never Married Married Separated Divorced or Widowed quite misleading Types of singles Voluntary temporary singles people who are delaying marriage for whatever reason however want to be married sometime in the future Ex pursuing higher education Voluntary stable singles want to e single for life Ex Catholic priests or nuns same sex couples could also be put into the category Involuntary temporary singles those who want to get married but cannot find a partner Involuntary stable singles people who would like to get married but never will be Few people fall into this category Friendships Men and woman have about the same amount of friends but men s friendships appear less personable or intimate than women s Women are more verbal and share feelings gossiping Men spend time with other men engaging in activities golfing Cross sex friendships a friendship b w a man and a woman that is strictly platonic More common today Contains tension and are not easy to maintain sexuality Dating Courtship in early America interactions b w unmarried individuals of the opposite sex were highly supervised They had callings which was when a young man would visit a young girl in her parent s home There was usually great distance b w communities and transportation was slow so the young man would usually spend days and nights at the home Industrialization Consumerism and the emergence of dating Work changed to factories and cars became more popular Dating was much easier at this time however there were strict dating roles which included the male asking out the female Principle of least interest the idea that unequal emotional involvement b w romantic partners has implications for the quality and stability of relationships Who do we date Homogenous relationships in which we spend most of our time with people who are very similar to ourselves Propinquity geographic closeness Pool of eligibles the group from which we are likely to choose our mates Cohabitation Cohabitation living with a romantic partner without being married Cohabitation has skyrocketed and is becoming increasingly normative it s a sin its makes financial and logistical sense we are getting married in a few months an alternative to marriage o ex Homosexual with no alternative o ex Don t believe in marriage A testing ground for marriage Cohabitation is linked to Linked to relationships that do not last very long More likely to have unhappy marriages More likely to divorce Reasons Selection effect characteristics of the person are more important than actual cohabitation An explanation for the fact that people who cohabit tend to be the same ones who later divorce Experience effect the experience of one or more cohabitations is Homosexual Relationships Homosexual couples and heterosexual couples are more alike than important different Homosexual couples receive less family support than heterosexual couples but received more friend support Lesbian couples usually have the most equal and least sexualized relationships out of all homosexual and heterosexual couple types o Women are socialized to show intimacy through expression rather than sexual activity o Women are also socialized to be more caring ch 8 love and loving relationships 03 18 2015 What is love Love A strong affection for one another arising out of kinship or personal ties attraction based on sexual desire and affection based on admiration benevolence or common interest Love as Attachment Attachment Theory a theory postulating that the way in which infants form attachments early in life will affect relationships throughout later life Types of Attachment Children Secure Attachment an attachment type where infants feel safe when their mothers are out of sight o Mothers are warm responsive and consistently available to infants over time Anxious Ambivalent Attachment The attachment type where infants become nervous when their parent leave the room and can show rejection when the parent returns o Mothers are less predictably warm and responsive to their Avoidant Attachment An attachment type where infants show little attachment to their primary parent o Mothers neglected the physical and emotional needs of their infants infants Types of Attachment Adults Adult romantic relationships correspond to the infant attachments Secure attachments Anxious ambivalent o Controlling may rush into a relationship so that particular person wont leave Avoidant attachments o May get in a relationship that has no depth Images of Love in history Romantic love and marriage were often not attached to each other Ancient Greek Roman mythology did not associate love with marriage Early Christianity did not associate love with marriage 12th century during the Middle Ages there were some precursors to our notion of romantic love in marriage a haven of rest for men and woman become the Feminization of Love o Feminization of Love The process beginning in the 19th century in which love became associated with the private work of women in the home namely nurturing and caring for family members Industrial Revolution men go to work and experience the stresses of labor outside the home o The home becomes keepers of it Thus caregiving and domesticity begin to become evidence of love Contemporary Ideas about Love Romantic Love A type of love that is characterized by passion melodrama and excitement and which received a lot of media attention Compassionate Love A type of love that grows over time based on strong commitment friendship and trust Limerance very intense emotions experience during the early formation of attachment to an individual Symptoms uncontrollable smiling a lot of energy positive outlook on life Theoretical Perspectives on Love Sociobiology an evolutionary theory that all humans have an instinctive impulse to pass on their genetic material Biochemical perspective theories that suggest humans are attracted to certain types of people at which point the brain releases natural chemicals that give us a rush we experience as sexual attractive Sternberg s triangular theory of love a theory that sees love as having three
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