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FAD 2230 TEST 2Chapter 6: Communication- Communication- the process of exchanging and interpreting ideas and feelingso Assumptions: Family communication is not random- Consistent, repitive patterns Communication is transactional- Exchanging information It is possible not to communicateo Elements Communicator- person who creates and send the message- Individual is a total system- What we wear, body presence, facial expressions, mannerisms, and tone of voice are all forms of info about the communicator Message- unit of information transmitted between sender and receiver- Message may contain thoughts, feelings, ideas, suggestions, and commands- Prepared/encoded by the communicator Medium- way a message is presented to the recipient- Talking, television, texts, note, email, etc…- Message is often determined, to a degree, by the medium Recipient- The recipient is the receiver of the message- The receiver interprets the message, based on his/her personality, life experiences, and relational context- Conflict- requires two options/choiceso Some different definitions: Incompatibility Disagreement Opposition Battle/struggleo Are all conflicts soluble? Solvable- conflict or problem that has a solution- Ex: cutting the grass Perpetual- conflict or problem that within a relationship that can never for solved- Ex: having childreno Avoiding conflict People feel uncomfortable being mad so they do something else instead like over gossiping, eating Passive aggression- when a person expresses anger at someone but does so indirectly rather than directly i.e., chronic, criticism, nagging, sarcasm, forms of sabotage- Sabotage: one partner attempts to spoil or undermine some activity theother has planned- Displacement: a person directs anger at the people or things that otherscherish- Four horseman of the Apocalypseo Contempt- characteristics by the intent to insult or abuse your partner emotionally Ex: rolling your eyes or mocking themo Critism- attacking personality rather than the specific behavioro Defensiveness- defending yourself from a personal attack; will escalate an argument Human instinct to be defensiveo Stonewalling- a person refuses to listen to their partner’s complaints or stories (physically or emotionally) Physically is “im leaving” or “im hanging up on you” Emotionally is “im done with this convo” or looking like you’re not even listeningto the convoo Belligerence- behavior that is provocative and the challenges the spouses power and authority Gottoman later added this after much research Ex: “what can you do if I go out drinking with Dave” “what are you going to do about it”- Gender differences (GOTTMAN)o Report Talk: conversation aimed mainly at conveying information Men usually engage in this form of communication- Men will get to punch line quicker in convoo Rapport talk: speaking to gain or reinforce rapport or intimacy Women usually engage in this form of communication- Process people thoughts and feelings- Ask questions- Can reinforce intimacyo Female-demand/ male withdraw pattern Women: attuned to emotional quality of relationship- More demanding women are, more men fled- Men not being attentive, women pled for more demanding Men: try to minimize conflicto Goals of men and women Women: resolve the conflict with understanding- Want resolution and understanding (intimacy and bonding) Men: avoid a blow upo What women can do.. Use positive affect- Shared humor (release the tension)- Expressions of affection Soften the way she brings up complaint- “thinks have been bothering me, can we talk?”o What men can do…. Do not escalate the argument with.- Defensiveness- Contempt- Belligerence Try to share power in the relationship- accept influence- Communication Researcho PREP Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program Relationship informations and communication skills Skills are what you do...you need to practice them What to watch out for- Ineffective way of complainingo Mind readingo Name callingo “You always…” or “you never…”o Blaming- Communication danger signso Escalationo Put downs/ invalidationo Avoidance/ withdrawal Taking a time out- “we” need to take a time-outo Used to de-escalate a situation- Do something relaxing. Don’t ruminate- Time back inChapter 7: Marriage- Marriage Normso Changing over time Purpose for marriage- Race  mutual benefit and fulfillment o Secondary is bearing and raising children- Age  same as race Age at marriage- People are getting married closer to 25-26 for women and 28-29 for males from 2000-present- Avg age has been increasing since 1960  Gay and lesbian marriage vs. Civil Unions- More favor of union than marriage- Gays can be in relationships but not the marriage type of man and women Attitude about nonmarital sex Attitude about cohabitation Attitudes about nonmarital childbearing Attitudes about shared breadwinning Attitudes about the Division of Household Laboro Laws regarding marriage Marriage is a state law- All state limit one living husband or wife at a time- Can only remarry if widowed, divorced, or annulled Each state set regulations on age and close relationships Same sex marriage is outlawed in many states Some states have domestic partner laws- Legal and emotional benefits Same-sex couples and legal marriage- Defense of Marriage Act ( DOMA, 1996)o Federal statue declaring marriage to be a “legal union of one man and one women”- Allows states to refuse to grant reciprocity concerning same-sex marriageo If married in another state, then the govt of that state does not have to abide the law of that state for gayso Preparing for marriage Current trends- Increase in divorce rates- Decrease in marital satisfaction Prevention methods:- Changed in policy and laws - Family life education- Premarital education/counselingo State offers incentive for attending- Marital Relationshipso Marriage What is marriage?- A close intimate union; a relationship between husband and wife- As a law: contract upon a voluntary private agreement by a man and a women to become husband and wife A legal contract Considered the basis of a family unit Vital to the preservation of morals and civilizationo Patterns of marriage Parallel relationships pattern: assume traditional roles, little intimacy, live parallel lives- Not very valued today.


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FSU FAD 2230 - Chapter 6: Communication

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