FAD 2230 TEST 2 Chapter 6 Communication Communication the process of exchanging and interpreting ideas and feelings o Assumptions Family communication is not random Consistent repitive patterns Communication is transactional Exchanging information It is possible not to communicate o Elements Communicator person who creates and send the message Individual is a total system What we wear body presence facial expressions mannerisms and tone of voice are all forms of info about the communicator Message unit of information transmitted between sender and receiver Message may contain thoughts feelings ideas suggestions and commands Prepared encoded by the communicator Medium way a message is presented to the recipient Talking television texts note email etc Message is often determined to a degree by the medium Recipient The recipient is the receiver of the message The receiver interprets the message based on his her personality life experiences and relational context Conflict requires two options choices o Some different definitions Incompatibility Disagreement Opposition Battle struggle o Are all conflicts soluble Solvable conflict or problem that has a solution Ex cutting the grass Perpetual conflict or problem that within a relationship that can never for solved o Avoiding conflict Ex having children People feel uncomfortable being mad so they do something else instead like over gossiping eating Passive aggression when a person expresses anger at someone but does so indirectly rather than directly i e chronic criticism nagging sarcasm forms of sabotage Sabotage one partner attempts to spoil or undermine some activity the other has planned Displacement a person directs anger at the people or things that others Four horseman of the Apocalypse cherish o Contempt characteristics by the intent to insult or abuse your partner emotionally Ex rolling your eyes or mocking them o Critism attacking personality rather than the specific behavior o Defensiveness defending yourself from a personal attack will escalate an argument Human instinct to be defensive o Stonewalling a person refuses to listen to their partner s complaints or stories physically or emotionally Physically is im leaving or im hanging up on you Emotionally is im done with this convo or looking like you re not even listening to the convo o Belligerence behavior that is provocative and the challenges the spouses power and authority Gottoman later added this after much research Ex what can you do if I go out drinking with Dave what are you going to do about it Gender differences GOTTMAN o Report Talk conversation aimed mainly at conveying information Men usually engage in this form of communication Men will get to punch line quicker in convo o Rapport talk speaking to gain or reinforce rapport or intimacy Women usually engage in this form of communication Process people thoughts and feelings Ask questions Can reinforce intimacy o Female demand male withdraw pattern Women attuned to emotional quality of relationship More demanding women are more men fled Men not being attentive women pled for more demanding Men try to minimize conflict o Goals of men and women Women resolve the conflict with understanding Want resolution and understanding intimacy and bonding Men avoid a blow up o What women can do Use positive affect Shared humor release the tension Expressions of affection Soften the way she brings up complaint thinks have been bothering me can we talk o What men can do Do not escalate the argument with Defensiveness Contempt Belligerence Communication Research Try to share power in the relationship accept influence o PREP What to watch out for Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program Relationship informations and communication skills Skills are what you do you need to practice them Ineffective way of complaining o Mind reading o Name calling o You always or you never o Blaming Communication danger signs o Escalation o Put downs invalidation o Avoidance withdrawal Taking a time out we need to take a time out o Used to de escalate a situation Do something relaxing Don t ruminate Time back in Chapter 7 Marriage Marriage Norms o Changing over time Purpose for marriage Race mutual benefit and fulfillment o Secondary is bearing and raising children Age same as race Age at marriage People are getting married closer to 25 26 for women and 28 29 for males from 2000 present Avg age has been increasing since 1960 Gay and lesbian marriage vs Civil Unions More favor of union than marriage Gays can be in relationships but not the marriage type of man and women Attitude about nonmarital sex Attitude about cohabitation Attitudes about nonmarital childbearing Attitudes about shared breadwinning Attitudes about the Division of Household Labor o Laws regarding marriage Marriage is a state law All state limit one living husband or wife at a time Can only remarry if widowed divorced or annulled Each state set regulations on age and close relationships Same sex marriage is outlawed in many states Some states have domestic partner laws Legal and emotional benefits Same sex couples and legal marriage Defense of Marriage Act DOMA 1996 o Federal statue declaring marriage to be a legal union of one man and one women Allows states to refuse to grant reciprocity concerning same sex marriage o If married in another state then the govt of that state does not have to abide the law of that state for gays o Preparing for marriage Current trends Increase in divorce rates Decrease in marital satisfaction Prevention methods Changed in policy and laws Family life education Premarital education counseling o State offers incentive for attending Marital Relationships o Marriage What is marriage A close intimate union a relationship between husband and wife As a law contract upon a voluntary private agreement by a man and a women to become husband and wife A legal contract Considered the basis of a family unit Vital to the preservation of morals and civilization o Patterns of marriage Parallel relationships pattern assume traditional roles little intimacy live parallel lives Not very valued today Seen in unhealthy marriages Interactional pattern partners expect companionship and intimacy strong communication o Types of marriage Homogamy spouses share certain social characteristics such as race age ethnicity religion education and social class Similar or the same homo to you Most people s first marriage is this type Marriage that seems to work out better age
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