Improving IPRs: ContinuedTo put it another way…Passive-Aggressive communicators areMom apologizes…agrees its none of her business…then says…Men use liking on women…But rarely use liking strategy w/ other menHowever, people who watched debate on television thought Kennedy won because he seemed calm, cool, & collected…For instance, The Japanese have saying:Power-Distance can be defined as “The extent to which the less powerful members of institutions and organizations accept that power is distributed unequally.”Improving IPRs: ContinuedOk…Let’s talk about “Individual Conflict Management Styles.First…We can choose to handle conflict Non-Assertively. Non-Assertive communicators are either unwilling or unable to express their thoughts or feelings in conflict situationsSometimes nonassertive communicators avoid expressing their thoughts & feelings because they: (a) Lack confidence(b) Lack communication skills necessary to handle conflict assertively*But sometimes, communicators have both confidence & communication skills to handle conflict directly… …But they make decision that a nonassertive style is best approach in particular situation.For instance…Non-assertive behavior can be appropriate when the…(a) Conflict isn’t serious enough to address. Ex. Let’s say your friend picks you up for movies fifteen minutes late…It’s probably better just to forget about it then to get in argument over it.Non-assertive behavior can be appropriate when the…(b) Conflict is short lived.In other words…anytime minor dispute comes up w/ somebody you’re nevergoing to see again…it might not be worth time & energy to deal w/ it.Non-assertive behavior can be appropriate when the…(c) Consequences of avoiding conflict outweigh benefits of confronting it.Ex. Let’s say you’re driving on freeway…Some guy in beat-up Ford Pickup cuts you off……He’s got National Rifle Association stickers on his rearview window…He’s wearing camouflage hat & Smoking filter-less cigarette… …Might be good idea just forget about it.Non-assertive behavior can be appropriate when the…(d) Other person’s needs are more important than yours.Ex. Let’s say you & friend had plans to go to gym… Your friend calls says, “I forgot I had test tomorrow…I’ve got stay home & study… Obviously, your friend’s grades are more important than gym…plus you can always go gym by yourself… So even if you’re little bit angry…probably best put things in perspective & say “No, problem. Good luck on your test.”So there are times when avoiding or accommodating others is best…But obviously there are times when you need to be assertive.*OK…So how do you know if you’re Nonassertive Communicator?You are Nonassertive if… Your approach to others during conflict is:“It’s my fault…you didn’t do anything wrong.”Now obviously, if other person didn’t do anything wrong…This is best approach.But if they did…their behavior needs to be addressed just as much as yours does.You are Nonassertive if… You let others make decisions for you on consistent basis……And when you do resolve conflict successfully, it’s through chance or because other person felt sorry for you & gave in.You are Nonassertive if… You handle problems by running away from them or by giving in to unfair conflict resolution suggestions.If you make habit of handling conflict nonassertively…others will generally treat you with:(a) Disrespect (Because we tend not to respect people who don’t stand up for themselves)(b) Guilt (Because we tend to feel sorry for others who seem helpless)(c) Anger (Because most of us get angry when we think others are trying make us feel guilty)(d) Frustration (Because it’s frustrating when people don’t help us solve conflictive situations) *Another way to handle conflict is by being Directly Aggressive.Whereas non-assertive people avoid conflict…directly aggressive people seem to almost go out of their way to confront others.A directly aggressive message doesn’t just attack other person’s position…It attacks other person personally as wellSome example aggressive messages might be:“What are you, stupid? That would never work.”“What the hell are you talking about? Nobody thinks that way anymore.”“Only an idiot would say that. You’re not an idiot are you?”Obviously, handling conflict by being directly aggressive can be disastrous for interpersonal relationships…Directly aggressive messages:Hurt others (because they show that sender doesn’t respect other person or really value relationship)Humiliate others (because by definition, directly aggressive messages are insulting)And finally, directly aggressive messages create a defensive communication climate……Because they immediately put receivers in position where they feel like they need not only to defend their ideas…but their character as well.You are directly aggressive person if you:Respond to conflict by saying “I don’t have problem…You’re one w/ problem.If you:Make decisions for other people…And you make it clear to them that you’reone making decisions.You are directly aggressive person if you:Handle problems by personally attacking person you perceive to be problem……If you succeed in getting your way through threats, insults, coercion. *Another method of handling conflict is by being Passively-Aggressive.Basically, Passive-Aggressive strategies involve hostile behavior expressed under the cover of passivity or ignorance. To put it another way…Passive-Aggressive communicators are passively aggressive.There are five general genres of passively aggressive behavior.-“Pseudoaccommodators” pretend to be sorry, or promise to change…but then show no remorse or change of behavior. Ex. If mom says to her daughter: “Honey, you’re not going to wear those jeans are you…” Daughter asks mother not to comment on her clothes please…Mom apologizes…agrees its none of her business…then says… “Oh, please tell me you’re not going to wear that jacket…”-“Guiltmakers” try to gain control in conflict by making you feel guilty for helping them.Ex. Guiltmaker might say, “Can you borrow, five dollars? Sure I had dinner last
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