Improving Interpersonal RelationshipsHousekeepingActivities:1. Communication climate exercise (make copies)2. Practicing Assertive communication3. Self-Perception Situation (make copies)Introduction-last week was focused on understanding interpersonal relationships; this week is focusedon improving interpersonal relationships.-all relationships go through ups and downs; knowing how to improve the important relationships in your life will increase your life satisfaction.Communicating Climate-refers to the emotional tone of a relationships-function of the way people feel about one another more than the tasks they performexample: More concerned with relation-centered communication than subject centered.-the emotional tone of a relationship is determined by the degree to which one sees him or herself as valued.Confirming Responses : messages that show one is valued.-occurs in 3 increasingly positive levels.1. Recognition: most fundamental act of confirmationExample: Street people and eye-contact2. Acknowledgment: interested in another’s ideasexample: active listening3. Endorsement: agree with another’s ideas-women rate men as more physically attractive if they agree with them.Example: endorsements as advertisements (Michael Jordan)-Show newspaper clippingDisconfirming messages: messages that deny the value of others-shows a lack of regard for the other person; either by disagreeing, disputing or ignoring.-It is not a disconfirming message to argue. It is disconfirming when the speaker is attacked and not the message-argumentativeness is good, verbally aggressive is badCommunication climates develop in a spiral pattern. (on board)Spiral: Each person’s message reinforces the other.-escalating conflict spiral: one attack leads to another-de-escalatory conflict spiral: withdraw, indifferenceCreating Positive Communication ClimatesGibb’s Categories: 12 types of communication behaviors divided into defensive and supportive categories.-Using supportive communication behaviors will create a positive communication climate.1. Evaluative vs. Descriptive communication-You vs. I languageexample: “You said” vs. “What I heard you say”2. Controlling vs. Problem orientation-goal: find a solution that satisfies both needs3. Strategy vs. Spontaneity-or: manipulation vs. honesty4. Neutrality vs. Empathy-indifference vs. concern for others-the opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference-Don James used to call his players by their numbers, not names5. Superiorority vs. equality6. Certainty vs. provitionalism-Already making up one’s mind vs. acknowledging they don’t know everythingRecap of Communication Climate:-strive to create a positive communication climate, whether its interpersonally or group-this will create positive and more meaningful and effective relationshipsCommunication Climate Exercise/HandoutIndividually, using your notes, label each statement-then rephrase it. Discuss as a class.Conflict-write on the board conflict; have students write out the first 10 words they think of whenthey hear “conflict.” Split board into 2 sides (positive and negative). Write the words on the board.Purpose: show that conflict is often thought of as negative.Managing Interpersonal ConflictAvoiding conflict is impossible, but managing it effectively lead to improved communication.Conflict defined: “Expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce rewards and interference from the other parties in achieving their goals.-conflict is goal-driven. Incompatible goals lead to conflict.-expressed struggle: both parties know a disagreement exists-perceived incompatible goals: lose-win situations-perceived scarce rewards: time, money, affection-interdependence: parties in conflict are dependent upon each other(on Board)Nonassertion Indirect comm. Assertion Passive aggression Direct aggressionScared------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ViolentNonconfontational Cooperative ConfrontationalWays to express conflict:Nonassertion: inability or unwillingness to express thoughts or feelings in a conflictExample: avoidance, accommodationDirect aggression: embraces conflict-attacks his/her position and dignity/character of receiverPassive aggression: concealed attack; wins by manipulationIndirect communication: conveys a message in a round-about manner in order to save face fro the recipientAssertion: expresses oneself skillfully without judging or dictating to others.-this is the goal, this is the best method of expressing conflictImplementing Assertive Messages:5 parts of an assertive message:1. Behavioral description-vs. evaluative judgment-respond to the behavior; don’t judge the person2. Your interpretation of the other’s behavior-this is your opinion; it is not concrete.3. Description of your feelings4. Description of the consequences5. A statement of your intentionsPractice Assertive Communication ActivityThere are also gender and cultural influences that affect conflict style.Methods of Conflict Resolution:-Win-Lose-One part achieves its goal at the expense of the other-Power is the distinguishing characteristic.This method is appropriate when:1. Scarce resources2. Defending oneself3. Stop wrong behavior (Hitler)-Lose-lose-neither side is satisfied with the outcome-Compromise-both parties get some of what they wanted, but both parties also lose something.-compromise is best for some conflicts, but both people can work together to find a better solution.Win-win-reach both parties goalsSteps to win-win:1. Identify the problem and unmet needs2. Make a date3. Describe your problem and needs4. Partner checks back (paraphrasing)5. Solicit partner’s needs6. Paraphrase partners needs7. Negotiate a solution8. Follow up on the situationPracticing Assertive CommunicationSituation: You are expecting a raise at work, but find out that another coworker, who has less time on the job than you, received a raise and you did not.Aggressive communication: You interrupt a staff meeting that your boss is holding, storming about the room and demanding an explanation for why you did not receive the expected raise.Assertive communication: You make an appointment with your boss for a meeting outside the office. At the meeting, you calmly ask the boss to access your value to the company, leading up to the question of why you did not receive the expected raise.Situation #2: tow
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