Improving Interpersonal Relationships This week we re going talking about ways to improve our interpersonal relationships And even best relationship could probably be improved in some way But if you re in denial think all of your relationships are perfect Hopefully you at least realize that there is chance that in future things might not be perfect you might need to make some changes So all of us could stand to learn some techniques for improving our relationships Every relationship has a communication climate Communication climate refers to the emotional tone of a relationship Term communication climate doesn t refer so much to what types of activities people do together But rather how they feel about each other during those activities People who are in unfriendly or even hostile relational climates usually recognize something needs to change But they don t know how to make things better On other hand people who are in positive relationships generally don t take time analyze why relationship is going well If it s not broke don t fix it right So first group people wants to make things better but doesn t know how Second group isn t prepared for stormy or at least rainy days ahead So whether all you re relationships are disaster perfect some good some bad It s important to know how to keep them good if they re good improve them if they re bad Now obviously everything you need to know about relationship success isn t covered here First of all focus of this class is on communication And while communication is important in interpersonal relationships The psychological sociological experiential elements that play part in every relationship are not addressed in this class Nevertheless communication is important And lectures this week your assigned readings designed to demystify communication in interpersonal relationship And once mystery is taken out of any complex activity It s almost impossible not to get better at it Ex Shooting Pre Christie General knowledge follow through square up use legs But mostly mystery Post Christie LASER METHOD Whether or not our relationships have positive or negative communication climate depends largely on Ratio of confirming messages to disconfirming messages in our communications Confirming messages indicate to other person that we value them that they are important to us we respect them When confirming messages predominate in relationship positive communication climate usually exists Disconfirming messages on other hand indicate that we do not value or respect our communication partner When disconfirming messages predominate negative comm climate exists There are three types of confirming responses Recognition Acknowledgment Endorsement Recognition is weakest type of confirming message Endorsement is strongest type confirming message Recognizing messages do just that they recognize that other person exists It seems obvious that if we don t recognize others our relationships w them will suffer But if you think about it there are many times when we don t recognize other people even when we do want relationship w them Ex How many times has someone left message on your voice mail you thought You know I m not in mood talk right now I ll just tell them I didn t get message or I was so busy I forgot Ex Think about this class or other classes you have Group activity talk to meet someone once then never say hi again Ex How about when you see somebody on campus from high school intentionally look other way so you don t have talk to them Or go out to your car at home pretend not see neighbors so don t have to wave And most of time we re not really trying to avoid other person we re just lazy or selfish don t want to force smile or wave or say hi When we don t recognize others we rationalize our actions away pretend like its not big deal But when others don t recognize us When our calls aren t returned or somebody we know pretends not see us walks by w out saying anything we hold it against them for weeks Usually recognizing others is worth time energy So Recognition involves head nod eye contact or hand shake But Acknowledgment involves all those things but also includes 1 Listening to other person 2 Paraphrasing what they say 3 Asking questions 4 Occasionally advising or analyzing Finally most powerful type of confirming response is to Endorse what others are saying Whereas Acknowledging others shows interest in them Endorsing others indicates we agree with them Occasionally it s true that opposites attract But more often t not If you disagree w someone on Political Economic Religious Social or Moral issues you re relationship going to be rather hostile So Endorsement involves agreeing w others but it also involves complimenting or even praising them Persuasion researchers call this type of communication Ingratiation In real life people call it Kissing up Brownnosing Sucking up etc There are number of positive effects related to this communication strategy But before we discuss those effects remember that you re behaving immorally unethically if you 1 Don t agree w someone pretend you do 2 Pay someone compliment you don t think they deserve 3 Praise somebody insincerely just to get what you want from them So honest ingratiation is ethical Dishonest ingratiation is unethical That said There are three types of ingratiation Other Enhancement Opinion Conformity Self Presentation Other Enhancement involves paying somebody compliments or engaging in flattery Opinion Conformity involves initially agreeing w someone s statements ideas views A variation of this technique is to a Initially disagree with target person b Then agree giving illusion other person changed your mind Self Presentation involves trying make yourself look good Obviously the more indirect your self presentation strategy more successful you ll be Ex Instead of saying I m really generous unselfish Wait for person you re trying to impress to ask you go somewhere then say I d like to but I volunteer at homeless shelter that day OK so Other Enhancement Opinion Conformity Self Presentation three types of ingratiation strategies But why does ingratiation work so well First ingratiation tends to increase liking In other words we re more persuaded by people we like than don t like ingratiation makes others like us Second ingratiation makes us appear similar to others we tend to be more persuaded by people who we perceive as similar to us Third ingratiation can attach positive social label to someone which
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