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CSUF HCOM 100 - LISTENING NOTE

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They’ve went to school…Worked…Had kids…Bought house…Instead of working out your thoughts while you’re speaking……Or what kind job they’ll end up having……Or whether they’ll get married or not…7. Another reason people find listening difficult is because talking seems to have more advantages than listening.But its also important to consider fact that each of us has different(Content Listeners)Advantages People-Oriented Listening StyleDisadvantages People-Oriented Listening StyleTime-Oriented Listeners:“If you can’t say something nice…don’t say anything at all…”Critical listening is necessary when someone’s trying to persuade you believe or do something.Try “One possible explanation for your behavior could be…”Agenda: 4 Week1. Listening & aging: Some bad news2. Faulty listening behaviors: Which ones are you guilty of ? (7 total)3. Some reasons for poor listening (8 total)4. The 4 primary listening styles:-content listening-people oriented listening-action oriented listening-time oriented listening 5. Some final listening advice from your trulyLISTENING: CONTINUEDUnfortunately…research findings consistently support hypothesis thattendency to listen empathetically……does not increase w/ age like tendency to listen for content does. Now obviously…as children get older (especially teenage years)…they become more: …Self-centered, Introspective, & concerned w/ Social Status. So little children are interested in variety of things: Cats, Dogs, Horses, Games, Food, Holidays, and Family…And because they have such wide variety interests…children like to listen…because they learn when they listenOn other hand, teenagers are generally interested in social life…that’s it.So if topic isn’t of social nature -Dating, Sex, Relationships -not interested…no incentive to listen.**So it makes sense that children listen better than teenagers……they have wider variety of interestsBut shouldn’t adults listen better than both children & teenagers?Adults are responsible, patient, more educated…so why don’t adults listen well?Main reason is because most adults are done learning!They’ve went to school…Worked…Had kids…Bought house…They’ve got everybody & everything figured out.In other words, since adults think they know everything, why listen to other people?And unfortunately…adults listen least in situations where they should listen most: In interpersonal relationships!Ex. Husbands & Wives are more courteous to strangers than each other.Ex. Couples interrupt each other more than they do complete strangers.We’re all adults here…all of could afford to improve listening skills! First, let’s talk about Faulty Listening Behaviors.(1) PSEUDO-LISTENING.*Pseudo-listeners are good actors. *They maintain eye contact, they nod & smile, they drop sympathetic “Umm,” or “Yeah,” or “What can you do”*But in reality, they’re thinking about other things instead of listening.(2) SELECTIVE LISTENING.*Selective listeners respond only to conversational topics that interestthem.For example…I’ve got friend who only cares about romantic gossip.If I call her talk about my day at school, or how I surfed that morning, or how my cars running…its like talking to brick wall.But, minute I bring up anything to do w/ relationship or romantic gossip……She’s like “Wait, what happened?” or “He said what?” or “She actually wore that?”So unless you’re talking about particular person or subject they’re interested in…There’s no point talking to selective listener.(3) DEFENSIVE LISTENING.Defensive listeners interpret innocent comments as personal attacks.Usually, defensive listening occurs because receiver is insecure about particular topic or issue.For example…many men who are short, or have small feet or hands are very sensitive about it.My friend Jason…for whatever reason…has abnormally small feet.So whenever he overhears anyone talking about something being“too small” or “undersized” or “petite,” he thinks they’re talking about his feet.So again, usually defensive listening is related to insecurity.(4) AMBUSHINGAmbushers listen very carefully…but only because they’re gathering ammunition for sake of arguing.Car salesmen are great ambushers. If you’re at dealership…you’re telling salesmen your concerns about financing, or warranty, or sticker price…Chances are he’s listening very carefully…but not because he’s interested in you’re concerns…But instead because he’s wracking his brain figuring out how he can convince you you’re concerns will be taken care of…or really don’t matter.(5) INSULATED LISTENINGInsulated listeners, unlike selective listeners, have list topics they want to avoid.All of us are insulated listeners to some extent.Some of us tune out when we hear political debate…Some of us tune out when we hear religious discussion…Some of us tune out anything to do w/ business…Selective listeners are poor communicators because they only want totalk about certain things… Insulated listeners are poor communicators because they never want to discuss certain things.(6). INSENSITIVE LISTENERS.Insensitive listeners are too lazy to analyze others non-verbal or indirect communication tactics……consequently take speaker’s comments at face value. Ex. Boyfriend & Girlfriend…Friday night…Guy wants stay home… …girl wants to go out. Guy says: “Why don’t we just stay home & watch movie.”Girl says: “Well…OK…that’s fine, I guess.” Guy says: “Great.” (7). STAGE HOGGING.Stage Hoggers: (1) Constantly try to turn conversation towards them. (2) Frequently Interrupt Others.For example, You’re a Stage Hogger if:Friend says to you “Hi, Gosh I Had Great Day…”And instead of saying “Really, What Happened?”You say “Me too…I went for coffee, then read book, I, I, I, I! There are many reasons why people listen poorly.Some are avoidable…unfortunately, others are inevitable.*First , people may avoid listening because they’re tired. We wouldn’t expect somebody to go on jog w/ us after they had just run marathon…But often we expect our friends & family to listen to us after working or studying all day. So sometimes we find people in situations where they’re just too exhausted to listen…And then we get mad at them for not being particularly interested what we have to say.And of


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CSUF HCOM 100 - LISTENING NOTE

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