COM 225 1nd Edition Lecture 20Outline of Last Lecture I. What is intimacy?A. Differences and similarities between friends & romantic partnersII. AttractionIII. Relationship developmentIV. Relationship maintenanceV. Relationship dissolutionVI. Unhealthy communication patternOutline of Current Lecture I. Relationship maintenanceII. Relationship dissolutionIII. Unhealthy communication patternCurrent LectureI. Relational maintenance - work at relationships that have bene developed to keep them where we want - “Keeping relationships at a desired level” A. Cognitive maintenance - Some types of cognitive maintenance:1. Positive illusions - see more positively then they are objectively are 2. Inattention to/derogation of alternatives - train ourselves to not pay attention to potential/alternative partners B. Behavioral maintenance 1. What are some examples? - spending time together, showing affection, trust,respect, helping them with various tasks they have to do 2. Routine maintenance - doesn’t necessarily mean “boring”, found to be betterpredictor of satisfaction, natural part of relationship These notes represent a detailed interpretation of the professor’s lecture. GradeBuddy is best used as a supplement to your own notes, not as a substitute.3. Strategic maintenance - noticed maintenance isn't working, not where you want your relationship to be C. Dialectics Theory - needs we have when we are in a relationship 1. Expressive (self-disclosure with partner) - protective (keeping information about self private) dialectic - when we are in a relationship we experience both of these needs 2. Autonomy - togetherness dialectic 3. Novelty (new, bored if things stay the same) - predictability (but like some degree of a routine) dialectic II. Relational dissolution: Stages of Coming ApartA. Differentiating - intrapersonal, happens within you - starting to notice differences with you and your partnerB. Circumscribing - more intrapersonal, start to limit self-disclosureC. Stagnating - just not opening up anymore and telling person about your lifeD. Avoiding - try not to be around person anymore, technically relationship is still going, but physically avoiding themE. Terminating - cut ties, terminate relationship III. Unhealthy communication patternsA. Unwanted repetitive pattern (URP) - pattern where the same thing continues to happen, don’t want them but they continue to keep happening - break routine to get out of pattern, get a third person involved B. Paradoxical injunction - impossible order/command, tell you to do something you can not do satisfactory, ex. be spontaneous bring me flowers C. Paradoxical definition - when people say and do different things, ex. someone says they’re honest but then they lie to you (between you and them) D. Double bind -relationship in which paradoxical injunctions are the norm 1. Has to happen in an important relationship - ex. mom, best friend2. Paradoxical injunction3. No way of escaping the
View Full Document
Unlocking...