MSU COM 225 - Chapter 11 cont. (2 pages)

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Chapter 11 cont.



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COM 225 1nd Edition Lecture 20 Outline of Last Lecture I What is intimacy A Differences and similarities between friends romantic partners II Attraction III Relationship development IV Relationship maintenance V Relationship dissolution VI Unhealthy communication pattern Outline of Current Lecture I Relationship maintenance II Relationship dissolution III Unhealthy communication pattern Current Lecture I Relational maintenance work at relationships that have bene developed to keep them where we want Keeping relationships at a desired level A Cognitive maintenance Some types of cognitive maintenance 1 Positive illusions see more positively then they are objectively are 2 Inattention to derogation of alternatives train ourselves to not pay attention to potential alternative partners B Behavioral maintenance 1 What are some examples spending time together showing affection trust respect helping them with various tasks they have to do 2 Routine maintenance doesn t necessarily mean boring found to be better predictor of satisfaction natural part of relationship These notes represent a detailed interpretation of the professor s lecture GradeBuddy is best used as a supplement to your own notes not as a substitute 3 Strategic maintenance noticed maintenance isn t working not where you want your relationship to be C Dialectics Theory needs we have when we are in a relationship 1 Expressive self disclosure with partner protective keeping information about self private dialectic when we are in a relationship we experience both of these needs 2 Autonomy togetherness dialectic 3 Novelty new bored if things stay the same predictability but like some degree of a routine dialectic II Relational dissolution Stages of Coming Apart A Differentiating intrapersonal happens within you starting to notice differences with you and your partner B Circumscribing more intrapersonal start to limit self disclosure C Stagnating just not opening up anymore and telling person about your life D Avoiding try not to be around person anymore technically relationship is still going but physically avoiding them E Terminating cut ties terminate relationship III Unhealthy communication patterns A Unwanted repetitive pattern URP pattern where the same thing continues to happen don t want them but they continue to keep happening break routine to get out of pattern get a third person involved B Paradoxical injunction impossible order command tell you to do something you can not do satisfactory ex be spontaneous bring me flowers C Paradoxical definition when people say and do different things ex someone says they re honest but then they lie to you between you and them D Double bind relationship in which paradoxical injunctions are the norm 1 Has to happen in an important relationship ex mom best friend 2 Paradoxical injunction 3 No way of escaping the paradox


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