COM 225 1nd Edition Lecture 19Outline of Last Lecture I. Family subsystems Outline of Current Lecture I. What is intimacy?A. Differences and similarities between friends & romantic partnersII. AttractionIII. Relationship developmentIV. Relationship maintenanceV. Relationship dissolutionVI. Unhealthy communication patternsCurrent LectureI. What is intimacy?A. Six components1. Knowledge2. Caring3. Interdependence4. Mutuality5. Trust6. Commitment B. How are friendships different from romantic relationships? 1. Mainly, they are similar2. Compared to romances, friendships are: more relaxed and tend to say more of what is on your mind These notes represent a detailed interpretation of the professor’ s lecture. GradeBuddy is best used asa supplement to your own notes, not as a substitute.II. What else makes people attracted to one another?A. Similarity - “We have something in common” or “We have nothing in common.”, common sense tells us that people are attracted to each other because of similarity: They like the same food, the same politics, and he same kind of people B. Reciprocal liking - can affect attraction, often are attracted to another person for the simple reason that he or she likes us C. Complementary needs -according to psychologist William Schutz, each of us has differing degrees of three basic interpersonal needs: inclusion, control and affection D. Attraction Theory 11. Three factors needed for people to connect romantically:- Event that brings two people together - such as a date- Attraction - positive self-talk, an inner dialogue in which you convince yourself that the other is attractive - Emotional response or feeling of arousal - increased heart rate, nervous excitement, and so on 2. But:- Arousal + attraction - event = romantic fantasies- Event + arousal - attraction = produce avoidance - Event + attraction - arousal = friendship but not loveE. Attraction Theory 2 1. Duck’s Filtering - explains when and how we use the verbal and nonverbal cues of others to determine their attractiveness as relational partners - Sociological/ incidental cues - to be attracted, people must have an opportunity to observe each other, thus suchfactors as the proximity of homes or work sites, or frequency of interaction, and expectation of future encounters determine whetherindividuals will develop an attraction - Pre-interaction cues - second filter, once knowing they will meet again, to scrutinize his or her behavior from afar, physical cues such as height, weight, beauty, clothing, and other surrounding artifacts become useful as a basis for attraction - Interaction cues - third filter, topics of conversationwe both enjoy, the length of time each person talks, smoothness of turn-taking, as well as duration of eye contact and interaction distance, may all be cues that help us determine liking - Cognitive cues - final filter,attraction is ultimately based on shared values and opinions, people who make it all the way though four filters are the ones to whom we feel the most attraction and with whom we are likely to form intimate relationships III. Relationship progression A. Relational development - development of how far a relationship has come B. Relational maintenance - everyday routines that help partners maintain their connections C. Relational dissolution - process of breaking up of relationships (friendship, romantic, or marital relationships) by the country activity of at least one partner IV. Relationship development: Stages of Coming togetherA. Initiating - consists of greetings and other types of contact required by the situation B. Experimenting - small talk and other interaction rituals enable a person to present a desired self-image, from impressions of the other, and isolate similarities for further exploration C. Intensifying - increased informality in forms of address, increased use of the pronouns we and us, the creation of private codes and verbal shortcuts, and so on, does not occur overnightD. Integrating - partners in romantic couples begin to organize their everyday lives around each other E. Bonding - really is the one that institutionalizes the relationship, at some point, the two parties have a serious discussionabout their level of commitment to each other F. Secret Tests1. Asking third party tests - partners rely most frequently on indirect suggestions from outsiders 2. Triangle tests - include going out with other to test for jealousy and monitoring someone else you think the other might be interested in to see his or her reaction 3. Separation tests - involve such things as not seeing the other for brief or extended period of time 4. Endurance tests - increase the costs associated with therelationship to see if the other is willing to remain 5. Public presentation tests - using public as test for partner 6. Indirect suggestion tests - indirectly hinting