ConflictWhat is conflict?- According to Wilmot and Hocker, Interpersonal Conflict has 4 criteria:1. An Expressed Struggle2. Between at least two or more interdependent parties3. Who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, or inference from others4. Who are attempting to achieve specific goalsIdentify the conflict elements in the scenario below- Jana and Michael are each presenting their ideas to their organization for theyear’s big service project in which all members have to participate. Jana proposes working at a women’s shelter, while Michael wants folks to volunteer to be reading tutors at a local school. The organization is voting tonight after the presentations on which service project they will adopt.o Expressed struggle: each want different projecto Scarce resources: voteso Interdependent on each other: same organization, intertwinedo They’re interfering with each otherConflict Myths- Conflict is always a sign of a poor interpersonal relationship.o No, conflict is a way of life. It means you think for yourselfo It’s a good thing to have your own opinionso Key is learning to manage conflict; not getting rid of it entirelyo If people were to all start thinking as one, ideas wouldn’t be challenged and improved Need diversity of thought to make sure things were correctly- Conflict can always be avoided.o Can’t be avoided. Part of life- Conflict always occurs because of misunderstanding.o You may understand the person, you just disagree with them (values, etc.)- Conflict can always be resolved.o Sometimes you just can’t resolve it. Fundamental disagreement. Can’t change how you feelConflict management styles- Avoidance- Accommodation- Competition: high concern for self, low concern for others- Compromise- Collaboration**No one style works best in all situations. Each has strengths and weaknesses.**Styles are based Concern for Self vs. Concern for Others(concern for others)Avoidance- Low concern for self and others- Sometimes called “lose-lose”- Don’t want to engage in conflict, so you run from it- Not always bado Huge Power Distanceo Not emotionally invested enough to care/fightAccommodation- High concern for other, low concern for self- “Lose-win” Approach- You do what others want you to do—but you do it to be liked.- Can show you’re reasonable- Be careful not to always sell yourself out—Breeds resentment!- Can result in pseudo-solutions (fake)- When is this a good idea?o When you’re at work and your boss asks you to do something, you should do itCompetition- High Concern for self, low concern for others- “Win-lose”- You see arguments as a chance to win—to prove your point/expertise- Is this always a “bad” way?o No…if you really do want/need to win. Ex. Court caseCompromise- Medium concern for self and others- “Win-lose, win-lose”- Both people win a little and both people lose a little—try to find middle ground- Can be good or bado Saves time and is sometimes necessaryo People are still losing some of what they wantCollaboration- High concern for self and others- “Win-win”- People talk and negotiate and talk some more so that both parties walk away with what they wanted.- Extremely time-consuming, but fulfilling.Conflict is a process (Shifts from Intrapersonal to Interpersonal)- Prior conditionso Sets the stage for disagreement- Frustration Awarenesso Note that “something is off/wrong”- Active conflicto Expressed Struggle- Resolutiono Neat…or not- Aftermath/Follow-upo Hurt feelings, simmering grudges, living with new rulesConflict in various relationships- More likely to occur within family and romantic relationships- Less likely to occur in friendships or work relationships- Parent-child relationshipso Toddlers (Mothers 18-36 months old- 7 conflicts per hour)o Teenagers (20% of parents & adolescents report too much conflict)Spillover Effect & Socialization Effect- How parents engage in conflict influences how children deal with conflict- Frequency, intensity, perceived threat, resolution- Children in grades 3-6o Less likely to have strong relationship with best friend if parents had problems resolving conflicto Frequency, intensity, and threat were less predictive of poor friendship quality than resolutionConflict Interaction- Negative Reciprocityo Aggression begets more aggression- Gunnysackingo Bringing up EVERYTHING! (Instead of staying focused)- Kitchen sinkingo Re-hashing old junk- Bringing third parties into an argumento Mentioning things other people said as evidenceo Badmouthing partner’s family/friendso Compare partner unfavorably to other