Slide 1According to Wilmot and HockerConflict MythsResearchNegative Conflict EffectsSlide 6Conflict Management StylesSlide 8AvoidanceAccommodationCompetitionCompromiseCollaborationClose Encounters Styles of ConflictDirect StylesIndirect StylesSlide 17PATTERNS OF CONFLICT INTERACTIONSlide 19Slide 20Four Horsemen of the ApocalypsePatterns of AccommodationExplanations for Conflict PatternsAttributionsAttribution Theory, Ct’dConflict Management StrategiesTipsCoping with ConflictAccording to Wilmot and HockerInterpersonal Conflict has 4 criteria:1. An Expressed Struggle2. Between at least two or more interdependent parties3. Who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, or interference from others4. Who are attempting to achieve specific goalsConflict Myths•Conflict is always a sign of a _________ interpersonal relationship.•Conflict can always be ___________.•Conflict always occurs because of ____________.•Conflict can always be _____________.Research•More likely to occur within family and romantic relationships•less likely to occur in friendships or work relationships•Toddlers (mothers 18-36 months old - 7 conflicts per hour)•Teenagers (20% of parents & adolescents report too much conflict)Negative Conflict Effects•Spillover effect- children who witness their parents engaging in frequent, aggressive conflict are more likely to have trouble interacting with their peers and performing at their full potential in school. Parents that engage in dysfunctional conflict have dysfunctional parenting styles.•Socialization effect- children adopt conflict styles similar to their parents’ conflict styles–Children in grades 3-6 are less likely to have strong relationships with best friend if parents had problems resolving conflict–frequency, intensity, and threat were less predictive of poor friendship quality than resolution (ie. It is imp that parents manage conflict, not hold grudges)•Chilling effect - occurs when people avoid voicing their opinions and complaints because they feel powerless or fear that their partner will active aggressively toward themConflict Management Styles•Avoidance•Accommodation•Competition•Compromise•Collaboration**No one style works best in all situations. Each has strengths/weaknesses **Styles are based Concern for self vs. Concern for others(Concern for Self)(Concern for Others)Avoidance•Low concern for self and others•Sometimes called ______________________•Don’t want to engage in conflict, so you run from it•Not always bad–Huge Power Distance–Not emotionally invested enough to care/fightAccommodation•High concern for other, low concern for self•_________________Approach•You do what others want you to do—but you do it to be liked.•Can show you’re reasonable•Be careful not to always sell yourself out—Breeds resentment!•Can result in ______________Competition•High Concern for self, low concern for others•______________•You see arguments as a chance to win—to prove your point•Is this always a “bad” way?–No…if you really do want/need to win.•Ex. Court caseCompromise•Minimal concern for self and others•“Win-lose, win-lose”•Both people win a little and both people lose a little—try to find middle ground•Can be ________________–Saves time and is sometimes necessary–People are still losing some of what they wantCollaboration•High concern for self and others•_________________•People talk and negotiate and talk some more so that both parties walk away with what they wanted.•Extremely ___________________, but fulfilling.Close Encounters Styles of ConflictUncooperative ------------------------------------- CooperativeDirect Competitive fighting Compromising Collaborating Indirect Indirect fighting Avoiding Yielding •Conflict styles can be distinguished by 2 dimensions: cooperation and directness–Cooperative: takes both partners goals into account rather than trying to win an argument–Direct: involves engaging in conflict and talking about issues rather than avoiding discussionDirect Styles•Competitive Fighting–Uncooperative–Dominating and controlling, seek power–Poor comm and DEC r’tional satisfaction–Useful when immediate compliance is necessary–Can bring IMP issues to forefront•Compromising–Fair, part-win part-lose–Used by violent couples more often than by satisfied•Collaborating–Cooperative, win-win–Solution oriented, problem solving, negotiationIndirect Styles•Indirect fighting–Uncooperative–Passive aggression and hostility (disconfirming, whining, ignoring, giving dirty looks, rolling eyes)–Unproductive conflict•Avoiding–Neutral–Inappropriate and ineffective–Can be beneficial if: used to avoid violence, positive effect, topic is not IMP, if it is their decision, skilled to know when.•Yielding (accomodating)–Cooperative–Can be caused by the chilling effect–Repeated yielding puts person in powerless position–Common when person does not care much about the issueConflict is a process (Shifts from Intrapersonal to Interpersonal)•_________________–Sets the stage for disagreement•__________________–Note that “something is off/wrong.”•________________–Expressed Struggle•____________________–Neat…or not•____________________–Hurt feelings, simmering grudges, living with new rulesPATTERNS OF CONFLICT INTERACTION•Negative Reciprocity•Common Couple Violence•Demand-Withdrawal•Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse•Patterns of Accomodation•Principle of Negative Reciprocity –Aggression begets more aggression•Gunnysacking–Bringing up EVERYTHING! (Instead of staying focused)•Kitchen Sinking–Re-hashing old junk•Bringing third parties into an argument–Mentioning things other people said as evidence–Badmouthing partner’s family/friends–Compare partner unfavorably to other people•Common Couple Violence–Repeated- episodes occurring once every 2 months or so–Isolated- violence rare in the r’ship, the episode had not occurred in the past year•Demand-Withdrawal Pattern–One person wants to engage in conflict yet the other avoids it–punctuation: both partners blame the other for their behavior (“I nag you because you leave” and “I leave because you nag”)–Typically, women demand and men withdraw•Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse1. Complaining/Criticizing –Complaint: I’m frustrated with your messiness.–Criticism: You’re a