Ending RelationshipsReasons Relationship’s EndCommunication as a cause of BreakupDuck’s Model of Dissolution PhasesOverall Structure of Duck’s ModelPowerPoint PresentationPhase 1: The Intrapsychic Processes PhasePhase 2: The Dyadic PhasePhase 3: The Social PhasePhase 4: The Grave Dressing PhaseKnapp’s “Coming Apart” StagesStage 1: DifferentiatingStage 2: CircumscribingStage 3: StagnatingStage 4: AvoidingStage 5: TerminatingCatastrophe TheoryUnilateral (one person) , Indirect Strategies for Ending RelationshipsUnilateral, Direct Strategies for Ending RelationshipsBilateral, Direct Strategies for Ending RelationshipsA Bilateral, Indirect Strategy for Ending RelationshipsEnding Relationships Disengagement and TerminationReasons Relationship’s End1. Infidelity/interest in 3rd party (social-evolutionary hypothesis)2. Incompatibility (diff in values, ethnicity, education, sex, etc)3. Drinking or drug use (partner of abusers become codependent)4. Grew apart (gradual process in marriage; dec qual/quant of comm, distance, reduced effort)5. Partner’s Personality6. Lack of Communication7. Physical or Psychological Abuse8. Loss of Love (chronic dissatisfaction, r’ship disillusionment)9. Not meeting family responsibilities (women find this as a prob; when man dislikes women working/her job; superwoman syndrome)10. Work ProblemsCommunication as a cause of BreakupPoor communication= too much, to little, low-quality, too negative, less mutually constructiveWithdrawal (low levels of support, lack of listening)Neg. Comm Lack of Openness and IntimacyAbusive CommIntimate terrorism- intentional use of violence as a means of intimidating and controlling one’s partner; severe and enduringDuck’s Model of Dissolution Phases Focuses on the relationship between cognition and communication during the dissolution process (what you are thinking and what you are saying)Includes the social network as well as communication within the dyadThe dissolution process begins when there is communication breakdown and dissatisfaction with the relationshipOverall Structure of Duck’s ModelThe process starts with communication breakdown and relational dissatisfactionWhen people feel they “cant stand this anymore” they enter the intrapsychic phaseWhen people believe they would be “justified in withdrawing” they enter the dyadic phaseWhen people reach the “I mean it!” threshold they enter the social phaseWhen people believe “it’s now inevitable” they enter the grave-dressing phasePhase 1: The Intrapsychic Processes PhaseThe threshold leading into this phase is “I can’t stand this anymore”This phase can involve:Weighing costs and rewardsEvaluating alternativesDetermining one’s needs and feelingsPhase 2: The Dyadic PhaseThe threshold leading into this phase is: “I’d be justified in withdrawing.”This phase can involve:AvoidanceConflictProblem-solving and re-negotiationTalk with person and try to work through problem: work it out or move into next phasePhase 3: The Social PhaseThe threshold leading into this phase is “I mean it!”The phase can involve:Seeking social support/complaining about the partnerSeeking counselingPreparing the social network for a possible breakupPhase 4: The Grave Dressing PhaseThe threshold that leads into this phase is: “It’s now inevitable.”This phase can involve:Formal breakup proceduresDeveloping and refining the “break up story”Letting the relationship “Rest In Peace”Knapp’s “Coming Apart” Stagesa.k.a. “the reversal hypothesis”Based on the idea that communication quantity and quality decreases as partners disengageCouples can “skip” stages or move through stages in a different orderStage 1: DifferentiatingFunction: to maintain individual identity and autonomy(opposite of integrating in many ways)Sample Dialogue:“I hate going to parties.”“I don’t understand that; I love to socialize.”Stage 2: CircumscribingFunction: to avoid in-depth disclosure(similar to experimenting in some ways)Sample Dialogue:“Did you have a good day at work?”“Yeah. What time will dinner be ready?”Stage 3: Stagnating Function: to achieve psychological separation(communication is at a standstill)Sample Dialogue:“Let’s not get into this again.”“Yeah, it’s pointless to talk about it.”Stage 4: AvoidingFunction: to achieve physical separation(sometimes as a testing ground)Sample Dialogue:“Let’s take a break for a while.”“I’ll move my things out.”Stage 5: TerminatingFunction: to break up while minimizing negative affect and negative consequences Sample Dialogue:“This isn’t working out.”“Yes, it’s been coming for a long time… let’s break up…”Catastrophe TheorySome relationships do not gradually unwind through stages of relational dissolution, but instead are characterized by sudden death. In one study, about 25% of people reported that their relationship ended because of a single critical event. Such events include:InfidelitySerious argumentsPhysical violenceThe discovery of incompatibilityUnilateral (one person) , Indirect Strategies for Ending RelationshipsAvoidanceSlip out the back, JackRelational RusesLeak break up to 3rd party or feign interest in anotherWithdrawal of Support and AffectionObvious disconnectionPseudo De-Escalation“Let’s take a break…[and never come back].”Cost EscalationUnilateral, Direct Strategies for Ending RelationshipsThe Direct Dump“We’re done.”Dates w/ Other People“Let’s date others.”JustificationSometime helpful; sometimes notThe Relationship Talk TrickLet’s talk…oh look we broke upThreats and bullyingPositive ToneDe-escalationBilateral, Direct Strategies for Ending RelationshipsThe Blame GameLists…Uff daThe Negotiated FarewellThis is yours; this is mine.A Bilateral, Indirect Strategy for Ending RelationshipsFading AwayGradually spend less time with each