Getting Closer Initiating and Intensifying Relationships Defining Self Disclosure Self disclosure is verbal communication that reveals something about the self to others Dimensions of SelfDisclosure Breadth range of topics Depth intimacy level Frequency number of times Duration length of interaction Valence positive or negative content Risks Associated with SelfDisclosure fear of exposure or rejection fear of retaliation or angry responses fear of loss of control fear of losing one s individuality Relationships Between Liking and Disclosure The Disclosure Liking Hypothesis When people self disclose to one another they tend to like one another more The Liking Disclosure Hypothesis When people like someone they tend to self disclose to her him more Too Much Disclosure Too Early Can Lead to Disliking People prefer less personal disclosure that reflects the level of closeness TMI Indiscriminant Disclosure is Less Likely to Lead to Liking Disclosure loses its value when information is shared with many people Negative Responses to Disclosure Reduce Liking People are uncomfortable when disclosure is not reciprocated Ex you pour your soul to someone and they reply wow that sucks or something bland Don t like when people also don t pour their soul The Dyadic Effect In the initial stages of relationships selfdisclosure is often reciprocated uncertainty reduction modeling explanation Stages of Social Penetration Stage 1 Orientation Stage typically strangers acquaintances low breadth depth frequency and duration Positive valence Exception Stranger on the Plane Train Stage 2 The Exploratory Affective Exchange Stage casual friends beginning relationships large increases in breadth and frequency Not much increase in depth Moderate increases in frequency and duration Positive valence Stage 3 The Affective Exchange Stage established relationships increased depth and breadth increased duration and frequency initially then tapers off I dig you but we can t talk every night on the phone for 5 hours we both have lives to live Both positive and negative valence Stage 4 Stable Stage very few close relationships Complete depth and breadth Cyclical duration and frequency Both positive and negative valence Knapp s Coming Together Stages Stage 1 Initiating Same as A T s Orientation Exchanging bits of information with each other like name occupation or major Greeting rituals and opening lines Fresh Prince of Bel Air video Social politeness and impression management Stage 2 Experimenting Stage Small talk breadth over depth Establishing similarities and differences Determining whether to pursue a closer relationship Most relationships do not move beyond this stage Stage 3 Intensifying In depth disclosure and emotional expression Verbal statements of commitment Using future tense and we instead of I Stage 4 Integrating different from A T Coupling occurs both within and outside the dyad Social networks often merge Attitudes and preferences often merge Can sometimes finish each other s sentences Stage 5 Bonding Stage Public commitment via social ritual Relationship often becomes institutionalized Marriage Civil Unions Significant barriers to breakup are erected Getting Closer First Dates Relational Turning Points http www youtube com wat ch v tXmLRHnoSAs First Dates Dating Scripts Changes over time Calling Man over to house Women in Control Dating Man invites woman out Man in Control College students describe dates in heterosexual relationships as a fairly predictable sequence Man asks woman out If she agrees he plans date and picks her up at her place of residence She greets him and introduces him to family friends They engage in small talk then depart During date small talk Man takes woman home they thank each other kiss Man suggests he will call again Female Initiated First Dates In one study 87 men reported being asked out by woman In another 90 What men reported thinking of these women Open Liberal Active Extroverted Less Attractive Some men reported having higher sexual expectations for these women though studies suggests dates initiated by women are characterized by the same or less sexual activity Goals for First Dates Having fun Reducing uncertainty about the partner Investigating romantic potential Developing friendship Engaging in sexual activity Your goal depends upon your relationship where it s at already If only acquaintances you need some get toknow you time If already friends might try out romance The Turning Point Approach Turning points are any event or occurrence that is associated with change in a relationship In contrast to stage approaches the turning point approach is nonlinear Studies suggest that around 50 60 of close relationships follow a nonlinear developmental path Types of Cohabitation Communication based Get to know time quality communication Activities and Special Occasions Ex going to a ball or a dance with someone Passion and Romance Ex Spend 4 hours talking to someone it was the easiest conversation First kiss First sexual encounter Commitment and Exclusivity external competition serious commitment Ex Define the Relationship talk Changes in Families and Social Networks Changes in family membership Interference from a romantic partner or other third party Ex if you hang out with your boyfriend all the time and then his friend moves into town and he starts hanging out with the friend too Proximity and Distance Separations and reunions Distance independence from parents Becoming roommates Moving out Crisis and Conflict Conflict and disengagement Crisis situations support sacrifice Making up Perceptual Changes Internal Positive psychic change Negative psychic change A Turning Point Analysis Turning Points in New Parent Grandparent Relationships Dun 2010 Gifts Realizations Communication Turning Point Face Threatening Advice Conflict Disclosure Connection Celebration baby Announcement going to have a baby Separation Baby s Here Parenting Adjustments breast feeding showers starting to realize how much my parents sacrificed for me Health Issues Family Ecology we re during the pregnancy something that made the baby s parents and family members nervous