Closeness in relationshipsCloseness Physical Closeness - Amount of spatial proximity and physical contact people have- Touching, cuddling, laying head on shoulder, just sitting together- Lots of studies about impact of distance on r’ships Emotional Closeness - A sense of shared experiences, trust, enjoyment, concern, and caring Relational Closeness - Behavioral patterns that foster interdependence- Exchange resources, influence each other’s thoughts/behaviors, meet each other’s needsCommunicating Closeness Reflected in three specific types of communication- Affectionate Communication - Immediacy Behaviors - Social Support Affectionate Communication Behavior that portrays feelings of fondness and positive regard to another  Occurs in many different types of relationships- Romantic Relationships- Platonic Friendships- Familial Relationships Paradox of Affection - Can backfire if too much too soon1. Direct and Verbal Affectionate Communication- Self-Disclosure: allows people to develop shared knowledge of each other, leading to emotional and relational closeness- Think about your friendships? Why do you feel close to them?- Interpersonal Theoriesi. URTii. EVTiii. Social Penetrationiv. Knapp’s Stages- Direct Emotional Expressions - “I love you” or “I enjoy spending my time with you.”- Necessary for relationships to deepen (in a low-context culture)- Important to do after time has passed: Remember this 15 years from now. - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwfjo-crw2M- Compliments and Praise - “You’re pretty” or “I love that shirt” or “You have really great presentation skills.”- Assurances, i.e. “Relationship talk”- “I can’t wait to spend my life with you.” or “ I had fun tonight. I want to see you again.”- Beware: Paradox Effect2. Direct and Nonverbal Affectionate Communication- Physical Contact and Distancing- Rough-housing, hand holding, cuddling, etc.- Eye Behavior- Mutual, Prolonged, Focuses- Vocalic Behavior (*test question)- Vocal, but nonverbal = “Paralanguage”i. Speak tenderly, warm voice, faster rate3. Indirect and Nonverbal Affectionate Communication- Support Behaviors- Bringing food, giving advice, giving money- Relationship determines how it is interpreted- Idiomatic Behaviors- Inside jokes or “knowings” that communicate support/friendship- Even if you explain, it becomes a “guess-you-had-to-be-there” moment4. Verbal ImmediacyImmediacy: Actions that signal warmth, communicate availability, decrease psychological or physical distance, and promote involvement between peopleWord Choice - “We” vs. “You and I”Forms of Address - “Hal” vs. “Mr. Johnson”Depth of Disclosure Relationship Indicators - “My girlfriend” vs. “Shana”Immediacy: Specific Nonverbal Behaviors Related to Intimacy Oculesic Behaviors- Eye contact and gaze- Pupil dilation Spatial or Proxemic Behaviors- Intimate and personal distances- Body angle Tactile or Haptic Behaviors - Touch helps escalate romantic relationships from casual to serious- Hugs, kisses, and touches to the face are especially affectionate Body Movement or Kinesics - Nodding- Open and relaxed body positions- Smiling Vocalic Communication- Animation in pitch, rate, amplitude, and duration - Vocal warmth Chronemic Behaviors- Spending time together- Waiting for someone and being on timeGendered Communication Styles Most men have a masculine style, while most women have a feminine style because of socialization. However, there are certainly masculine female communicators and feminine male communicators.Feminine Style of Communication Primarily a way to establish and maintain relationships with others. Establish equality and maintain symmetry- I understand. Here’s what I experienced. Show support for others - That sounds so frustrating! Conversational Maintenance Work- Let’s talk about our relationship. Responsiveness - Tuned into the emotions and words Personal, concrete style- Lots of self-disclosure, personal stories Tentativeness- Disclaimers, hedges- I’m not sure this is right, but…- Powerless vs. Inclusive??Masculine Style of Communication A way to accomplish concrete goals - Let’s quit talking and get to the business at hand. Establish status and control - Here’s why my idea is better. (Think political debates) Conversational Command- Control the conversation and the turn-taking- Re-route conversation More direct and assertive - Fewer disclaimers More abstract than feminine speech  Less emotionally responsive than feminine speechSex Differences in Closeness College students (in some studies) report same level of closeness levels with friends regardless of the sex of the person. They do report expressing differently.- Men-------Activities -