Interpersonal communication interaction with others that occurs whenever one person interacts with another I Emotional Intelligence the ability to understand and get along with others apter 6 Interpersonal Relationships Ch usually in an informal setting a Being Self Aware b Managing Emotions i Self awareness requires the ability to get a little distance from the emotion so that you can look at it without being overwhelmed by it or reacting too quickly i Expressing emotions in a manner that is appropriate to the circumstances ii May not be able to do easily because emotions often come from below the surface of your consciousness 1 Ex unexpected tears come to your eyes iii Women are better than men at detecting emotion c Motivating Yourself i Setting a goal and then disciplining yourself to do what you have to do to reach it ii Requires resisting impulses iii Other influences on motivation are positive thinking and optimism d Recognizing Emotions in Others i Empathy the ability to recognize and share someone s feelings the extent to which you can sit in someone else s place see what they see etc 1 Essential to human relationships 2 Comes from hearing what people are really saying 3 Strong moral dimension II The Importance of Emotional Intelligence to Strategic Flexibility a Perception emotional intelligence and self concept have a direct bearing on strategic flexibility because they either enhance or impair your ability to anticipate assess evaluate select and apply b The better your perceptive skills the more likely that your emotional intelligence is high and your your skills and behaviors self concept is positive c Handling relationships is a learned behavior i Emotional intelligence can help establish and sustain long term meaningful relationships III Personal Motivation for Interpersonal Contact a Attractiveness i We are attracted to people similar to ourselves ii One universal quality that people find attractive symmetry 1 Symmetry means to correspondence consistency and balance 2 iii Looking an attractive person in the eye sparks activity in the ventral striatum that looking at less attractive people does not iv Physical attraction 1 May be sexual attraction 2 Usually not the basis for a long term relationship v Perceived gain 1 Often we are attracted to people because we think we have something to gain from associating with them 2 The perceived gain can be the increased self confidence self assurance poise or composure we gain from choosing the right relationship partner vi Similarities 1 Beliefs your convictions activities vii Differences 2 Attitudes the deeply felt beliefs that govern how you behave 3 Compatibility having similar attitudes and personality and a liking for the same 1 People with different personality characteristics might be attracted to each other 2 Special interests may be so similar that they outweigh the differences 3 Association with a group may bring people together 1 The close contact that occurs when people share experiences such as work play viii Proximity or school a Ex sharing an office ix Cyberattraction 1 Depend on cues such as language style timing speed of writing and use of punctuation and emoticons 2 Computer mediated communication CMC gives people an opportunity to interact without the weight of the physical attractiveness stereotype 3 Specific cues of attractiveness in the cyberworld a Engage in an attentive and sensitive process of negotiation b You need to simulate proximity by the shared use of a particular tool such as a chat room frequent contact is essential c There must be a strategic management of the similarity of perceptions d You need to attract attention and show interest e Humor f A certain level of intimacy or self disclosure b Motives for Interpersonal Communication i When we seek out others we are trying to meet one or more of the following 3 interpersonal needs 1 Pleasure 2 Affection 3 Inclusion 4 Escape 5 Relaxation 6 Control 7 Health IV The Internet and Interpersonal Relationships 8 Cybermotivation a Internet relationships take longer to develop than face to face FtF i Can allow for more personal relating than FtF relationships ii Often perceived as richer than FtF communication b The Internet gives people more ways to be in touch with others to reducing the risk of health problems d Writing offers time for reflection and revision e Your communication is an extension and reflection of who you are V Talking to Each Other a Roles Relationships and Communication c Social support and networking offer benefits from additional resilience to greater life satisfaction i All relationships are governed by roles that the participants expect each other to play ii At the beginning of a relationship you can choose the roles you want to play iii Once relationship is established role expectations become fixed iv There are roles for all aspects of your life and communication that works best in each of i Small talk social conversation about unimportant topics that allows a person to maintain them b Beginning Conversations The Art of Small Talk contact without making a deep commitment ii Follows a routine that varies only slightly iii Tips for beginning conversations 2 Give people a way to remember your name 3 Personalize your greeting c Twitter 1 Introduce yourself in a way that gives the other person a way to respond to you i An online communication service that lets people exchange text messages known as tweets of up to 140 characters d Bids and the Bidding Process 4 i What holds relationships together are bids and the bidding process ii Bid can be a question a gesture a look a touch any single expression that says I want iii Response to a bid a positive or negative answer to somebody s request for emotional to feel connected to you connection iv What determines your ability to bid and to respond to bids 1 Three major influences a b c It may be a function of the ways people s brains process feelings It may be a function of the way emotions were handled in the home It may be a function of people s emotional communication skills 2 Placing and responding to bids is a skill that can be learned practiced and v How do bids contribute to relationship development 1 In successful relationships bids for emotional connection are responded to 2 Many come nonverbally and include vocalizing affiliating gestures opening the door playful touching facial expressions or affectionate touching 3 It is the overall pattern of behavior that is important