PSY 223 1nd Edition Lecture 22 Outline of Last Lecture I Factors leading to attraction a Proximity II Physical attraction Outline of Current Lecture III Similarity IV Reciprocal liking V Closeness or intimacy VI Passionate love vs companionate a Triangular theory of love b Subtypes of love c Love styles VII Relationship issues Current Lecture 11 17 Another determinant of attraction Similarity You tend to like people that are similar to you What are different ways you can be similar to each other Demographic variables age education etc Attitudes Physical attractiveness Personality many other factors These notes represent a detailed interpretation of the professor s lecture GradeBuddy is best used as a supplement to your own notes not as a substitute Usually opposites do NOT attract Similarity Newcomb s experimental dormitory found that those who were similar in background variables grew to like each other more than those who were dissimilar Donn Byrne s bogus stranger experimental studies demonstrated that attitudinal similarity led to liking created survey either similar to survey you filled out originally or moderately similar or very different then had to rate how they liked the person who filled out this survey found that if the survey was similar to yours then you liked that person more Why is similarity attractive It s reassuring and reinforcing because it can lead to consensual validation make you feel like you have the right attitude about something We expect to be liked and have good communication we like to be around those similar to us because we think it will go well and we can communicate easily with them Interaction with similar others can be more fun and enjoyable more things to talk about and you agree about things Two stage model of attraction process in textbook Looked at does similarity lead to attraction Or does dissimilarity lead to repulsion Similarity increases over relationships too Liking those who like us Reciprocal liking One person s liking for another predicts the other s liking in return importance of balance Way to win friends and influence people is to show them that you like them The self fulfilling prophecy of liking if you think someone likes you then you will behave in a way that you think they like you and eventually they will probably start to like you Can also go other way too Hard to get effect what is liked most is someone who is selectively hard to get easy for you to get but hard for everyone else An exchange perspective to choosing a partner compare rewards any positive consequence and costs any negative consequence Compare what we expect or feel we deserve from a relationship Comparison level for alternatives what we expect we could receive from another relationship Compare what we have with what we could get from another relationship comparison level from alternatives get these ideas from watching other people s relationships and TV You stay when your profit is greater than your alternative What is closeness or intimacy Feelings of attachment Fulfillment of psychological needs Interdependence Including the other in your self concept Self disclosure Self disclosure is important for development of relationships especially in the beginning Self disclose patterns in relationships goes with Social Penetration theory Pattern 1 self disclosure grows over time in breadth number of different topics happens first and depth how deep you go into the topic Pattern 2 strict reciprocity occurs to a greater degree early in the relationship but then later in relationship you want person to be more supportive than reciprocate Pattern 3 individual differences in self disclosure ex gender males participate in side by side activities like play basketball whereas female relationships do face to face activities so more selfdisclosure Secure and Insecure Attachment Styles 3 different types secure avoidant and anxious Attachment style the way a person typically interacts with significant others usually starts from infancy and early interactions Liking vs Loving Zick Rubin s scales The liking scales assesses respect admiration and confidence in the other The love scale assesses dependence on trust in and feelings of responsibility Studies show that men and women love their romantic partner equally but women love their same sex friend more and women like their romantic partner as well Passionate love vs companiate love Passionate love is defined as an intense absorption which is likely to include both anguish and pleasure Schachter s two factor theory of emotion need to have 2 components to have emotion such as passionate love 1 Physiological arousal 2 Cues from context to label arousal Companionate love affection felt by 2 people whose lives are deeply intertwined Differences between passionate and companionate love Companionate love is less emotionally intense Companionate love is accompanied by less sexual excitement Companionate love is more stable in many great relationships both exist Triangular Theory of love Sternberg s theory 3 components to love Intimacy is the emotional component Passion is the motivational component Commitment is the cognitive component The 3 components of love combine to create 8 subtypes of love Non love no components Friendship intimacy alone Infatuation passion alone Empty love commitment alone Romantic love intimacy passion Fatuous love passion commitment Companionate love intimacy commitment Consummate love intimacy passion commitment Love Styles Originally developed by John Less 1973 based on interviews conducted with married couples Hendrick and Hendrick 1968 developed a love attitudes scale to measure 6 styles of love One can score high on more than one love style 6 loves styles 1 Eros romantic passionate love most common in college sometimes men score higher than women 2 Ludus game playing love play games and like to keep lovers uncertain about each other men score higher than women 3 Storge friendship love most common in college women score higher than men 4 Pragma practical love worry about what you look like to others women score higher 5 Mania obsessive love women score higher 6 Agape all giving love Exchange in long term relationships Level of investment in relationship the more you invest in a relationship the more committed you will be Equity issues your benefits your contributions should equal partner s benefits partner s contributions If unbalanced then feeling on inequity balance is what counts Worse to be