COMM 315 1st Edition Lecture 21 Outline of Last Lecture I. FriendshipII. Romantic RelationshipsOutline of Current Lecture I. Romantic Relationships (cont.)II. Interpersonal Relationship StrategiesCurrent Lecture- Romantic Relationships (cont.)o From friendship to romance To move from friendship to romance involves adding passion-based intimacy to the existing friendship-based intimacy Expending extra effort at sustaining the relationship and talking about therelationship are ways we signal interest in moving to a romantic relationship Secret test- behavior designed to indirectly determine a partner’s feelingso Dating Date goals- Both college students and single adults see dates as activity-focused events involving couples sharing information to reduce uncertainty.- College students see dates as more social, more public, and more about attraction- Single adults see dates as being more about both immediate enjoyment and future relationship, initiated by one person, and involving someone’s paying for whatever activity is involved Requests for a date- Moving from being friends to going on a date involves different issues and concerns than does requesting a date with an acquaintanceThese notes represent a detailed interpretation of the professor’s lecture. GradeBuddy is best used as a supplement to your own notes, not as a substitute.- To actually ask someone for a date probably requires feeling that the risk is worth the potential loss of face, that the predicted outcome value of the relationship is high, and that there is a good chance your request will actually be accepted.  Dates and nonverbal - Fear of rejection often holds us back from asking someone out. However, we fail to realize that person might not ask us out for thesame reason- fear of rejection. Instead we assume the person doesn’t have interest in us- To confusion avoid such confusions, re-examine the suggestions for improving nonverbal sensitivity Date expectations- A study found that respondents shared many of the same expectations for a first dateo Men picking up the woman and taking her homeo Men paying for the date even if the woman initiated the dateo Men are more likely to expect more than kissing, especiallyif the woman initiated the dateo There will be conversationo Discussion of future plans Hooking up as an alternative to dates- Hooking up has essentially replaced dating on college campuses- It’s typically described as a nonromantic, short term physical encounter- Like being friends with benefits but without the friendship requirement - Although it happens infrequently, hookups can lead to romantic relationships, particularly if the hookup produced a positive emotional experience for both partners, there was some small talkand talk of future interactions, and both had similar motivationso Unrequited romantic interest-feelings created when one partner desires a more intimate, romantic relationship that the other partner would like Affirm the importance of the friendship to you and continue to work on it Tell your partner you accept his/her position and then drop the issue To reduce embarrassment and awkwardness, try to go back to old relational patterns Avoid pressuring your partner to feel more than he or she does Don’t complain about the difference in feelings Don’t suggest that maybe the relationship can be romantic sometime in the future Don’t tell other friends about what happened- Interpersonal Relationship Strategieso Strategies used primarily to initiate a relationship Observe and act on approachability cues- If you want to approach someone or be approached, establishing eye contact is a good start.- You can signal approachability by turning toward another person, smiling, being animated, saying hello, using an open body posture,winking, and waving Identify and use conversation starters- There is no perfect line to use to begin a conversation, so being direct is probably your best bet Follow initiation norms- Many of the initial interactions in a relationship are almost ritualistic, or at least scripted.o In the US, for example: greetings; introductions; and discussion of initial topics; followed by discussion of general topics- If the conversation goes well, the people may exchange contact information and then end with typical pleasantries. Ask questions- The very act of asking questions can enhance your partner’s attraction to you. - Asking questions shoes your interest in the other person and promotes reciprocity of liking, allowing you to gain information, reduce uncertainty and improve your ability to adapt to your partner. Don’t expect too much from the initial interaction- One goal we have in initial interactions is self-protection- avoiding rejection, particularly when we are uncertain about the other person’s interest in us- Many relationships have started out awkwardly, with both partners feeling less than enthusiastic about the encounter, but when given the change to interact again, they develop a more positive perspectiveo Strategies used to initiate and/or escalate relationship Communicate and cultivate attraction- Communicating your attraction to someone increases the likelihood that your partner will reciprocate, thus cultivating his or her attraction to you. - These behaviors serve as part of strategic self-presentation- by which you present yourself as a desirable partner- Affinity-seeking strategy- a strategy we use to increase others’ liking us Be open and self-disclose appropriately- Your self-disclosure helps your partner make informed decisions about initiating or escalating a relationship with you.- The depth of self-disclosure needs to be appropriate to the intimacy level of the relationship, and the timing of disclosures requires sensitivity from both partners Gather information to reduce uncertainty- Uncertainty reduction theory- theory that claims people seek information in order to reduce uncertainty, thus achieving control and predictability- Technology can play a role in reducing our uncertainties (using facebook to learning about people)- We are also likely to seek our information when others behave in unexpected ways- In general, the less relational uncertainty you have, the greater the relationship satisfaction Listen actively and respond effectively- Listening cues you in to people’s needs, wants, and