COMM 315 1st Edition Lecture 19 Outline of Last Lecture I. Relationship ChallengesOutline of Current Lecture I. The Dark Side of Interpersonal Communication and RelationshipsII. Relationship De-Escalation and TerminationCurrent Lecture- The Dark Side of Interpersonal Communication and Relationshipso Interpersonal communication can also be used to deceive and hurt people. o Deception Interpersonal deception theory- an explanation of deception and detection as processes affected by the transactional nature of interpersonal interactions ( happens when one person tries to lie and the other tries to determine if they are telling the truth or not Deception by Omission (Concealment)- intentionally holding back some of the information another person has requested or that you are expected to share. (Going to the movies and a party, but only telling your parents that you went to the movie)- Sometimes called “half-truths” because the statements themselves are truthful, but they are not the complete truth- Might be considered a failure event for violating relations expectations Deception by Commission (lying)- deliberate presentation of false information - White lies- deception by commission involving only a slight degreeof falsification that has a minimal consequence- Exaggeration- deception by commission involving “stretching the truth” or embellishing the facts- Baldfaced lies- deception by commission involving outright falsification of information intended to deceive the listener Reasons for DeceptionThese notes represent a detailed interpretation of the professor’s lecture. GradeBuddy is best used as a supplement to your own notes, not as a substitute.- There are many reasons, but most can be placed into two categories:o Altruism- deceptions that show a desire to protect and avoid hurting someoneo Self-serving– deceptions that may be motivated by personal gain or the desire to avoid undesirable consequences- To gain resources- help with a relationship, monetary or supplemental resources- To avoid harm or loss of resources- To protect one’s self image- when someone threatens your positive face- For entertainment- To protect another person’s resources, self image, or safety- when we believe information might be harmful to another person, we lie to salvage hat person’s feelings Effects of Deception- Incorrect decision making or actions- decision making based on false information might result in the wrong course of action- Harm to relationships- if deception is detected, it could harm or terminate the relationship- Loss of trust- Harm to innocent bystanders- Additional harm- punishment, embarrassment, a guilty conscience, and a damaged reputation The closer the relationship, the more effective people become at recognizing their partners’ deceptionso Communication That Hurts Feelings Language can cause emotional pain A heartfelt apology can help alleviate out hurt when another person has said something casually that has had an unintended effect Teasing is seen as a way to disguise the truth There are 3 general categories of reactions to messages that hurt:- Active verbal responses- reactive statements made in response toa hurtful message (counterattacks, self-defense statements, sarcastic comments, and demands for explanations)- Acquiescent responses- crying, conceding, or apologizing in response to a hurtful message - Invulnerable responses- attempts to show that the message didn’t hurt (ignoring, laughing, or being silent in response to a hurtful message) In addition to verbal responses, we also react emotionally, for example, displaying anger after being criticized.  We are most damaged by hurtful message when they come from romantic partners, then family members, then non-family members Hurting someone’s feelings by what you say is probably unavoidable in interpersonal relationships, but how you respond to and manage the impact of those messages affects the level of relational satisfaction and happinesso Jealousy Envy- a feeling of discontent arising from a desire for something someoneelse has Jealousy- reaction to the threat of losing a valued relationship Cognitive jealousy- thoughts about the loss of a partner, reflections on decreases in time spent with the partner, and analyses of behaviors or occurrences deemed suspicious Emotional or affective jealousy- feeling of anger, hurt, distrust, worry, or concern aroused by the threat of losing a relationship Behavioral jealousy- actions taken to monitor or alter a partner’s jealousy-evoking activity We usually think of jealousy occurring because a partner is attracted to someone else, but it can also result from other factors that jeopardize therelationship- the partner turns to others for advice, loss of influence over the partner to someone else, or a partner’s spending more time on hobbies, school, or work.  Using Jealousy as a Tactic- Trying to make another person jealous by doing something such aso Distancing- being too busy to get together, excluding the other from plans, or ignoring the other person)o Flirtation façade- sending oneself flowers, leaving in plain view fake phone numbers or pictures of oneself with others, or expressing attraction to or sexual interest in anothero Relational alternatives- letting your partner know you are think about other relationships by talking about past relationships, present relationships or other people Managing Jealousy- Concern about the possible loss of a relationship or a significant change in relationship status in neither inappropriate nor unusual.The belief that a friend is spending more time on some otherinterest implicitly disconfirms us- the other interest is more important than us- The jealous partner has several optionso Accept or ignore the change in the relationshipo Seek informationo Express the jealousyo Seek to identify and repair any relational problems- Expressing jealousy can arouse uncertainty in the partner, particularly when the jealousy is expressed indirectly through crying or acting hurt or depressed. o Unwanted Attention Some people don’t give up when another person fails to reciprocate their attraction, has no interest in a relationship, or desires to terminate a relationship. This can cause the other person to become annoyed or develop well founded fears for personal safety Obsessive Relational Intrusion (ORI)-