Psych 137C Week 7 Lecture 13Cognition In The Enchiridion, Greek philosopher Epictetus (55-135) wrote “People are disturbed not by things but by the view they take of them.”  Speaking to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, Hamlet said “… for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so” (Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2).  How we construe the events of our lives is what is ultimately cruccial In Paradise Lost (1667), John Milton observed “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.”- “The fact that two spouses living in the same environment perceive suchdifferent worlds suggests that in functional terms, spouses are operating in vastly different environments” o Neil Jacobson, 1981.o Communication matters because it conveys that I understand, care and validate you and your feelingso Communication is the only way I can reveal my understanding of the world and the daily events we both are part ofo Social learning theorists say that communication mostly matters because it is the only good way I can access how you view the world“Gee, my partner is quiet today.”- Specific Meaning:o She had a bad day!o She is in one of her moods!- Global Meaningo She works so hard to support this family!o She sure holds grudges for a long time. “She is so high-maintenance”- Idea is that their events that are happening and a meaning that we are extracting from these events Because our behaviors are ambiguous, we are always making meaning, all of the time. Room for different interpretations Interpreting means linking a specific experience to a particular global meaning. We often have some choice in how we do this. Actual Behavior:o He loves to talk about everything. He opens up and shares his feelings. Initial Meaning:o Interesting! Warm! Sophisticated! Eventual Meaning:o Oblivious! Egocentric! Needy! - In bad relationships, partners have increasingly more negative interpretations over time In relationships, we assign meaning to our experiences, and we extract meaning from our experiences.  Any given experience could take on varying meanings. These meanings matter, because our emotions and actions are often guided by the meanings we infer. The feelings that we have for our partners are linked to the perceptions that we make of the events that are happening in our relationships-“Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane…..”-“Spot!”- Example of how the meaning and event can differ- His perception – Jane is a special person and I can’t wait to hug her- Her perception – Wow, what a great dog- In relationships, one person comes in with a set of priorities/thoughts/feelings and the other person may come in with differentperspectives/priorities/etco Couples can extract different meanings from the same scenariosSo, what determines which meaning is imposed?- “Non Sequitur” by Wiley (comic strip)o –“Why we’ll never understand each other..”o –“What he Heard..” –Honey, Why Don’t You Put Your Head in A Vise And I’ll Turn the Handle Until Your Skull Explodes.” He felt threatenedo –“What She Said…” –Honey…Why Don’t You Turn Off the TV and Just Talk.”- While we read our interpretations as facts, relationships (especially troubledrelationships) are a negotiation around a shared realityo If you keep liking what you are sharing, then the relationship will move forward in a positive direction- Behavior is behavior and it matters, but meaning is imposed The specific meaning we impose may depend on our motives in the moment. Reasoning and the search for meaning are said to be ‘motivated,’ and weneed to understand these motives and how they work. Three main motives are:o Enhancement  Believing that things are really good; recognizing a relationship’s strengthso Accuracy Activating a strategy when things aren’t going right to see if things are actually workingo Justification Needing to prove that you are rightEnhancement: Believing the Best We want to be confident in our relationships and not harbor doubts about them.  Ideally, relationships shouldn’t involve a lot of effort People want to be comfortable  The enhancement bias serves this function. We prefer information that supports and strengthens positive beliefs about a partner and a relationship. o In fact, we view our partners more favorably than they do and more favorably than their friends do.o We view our relationships more favorably than we view others’ relationships.o When things are going well they tend to do well because of cognitive processes, like the enhancement biasAccuracy: Knowing and Being Known We want to think well of our partners, but we also want to know them as theytruly are. We want to protect ourselves against being exploited. Accurate information enables us to predict and control our relationships.  There are times when accurate information is highly desirable. Transition points prompt searches for such information. Transition points are when you are dating but it has developed into something much more serious than just dating and you are thinking about moving in together, etc Having some accurate information is even more necessary and beneficial during these transition points as you become exclusive in your relationship status Perceived threats to the relationship can instigate the search for accurate information: we become detectives.Advice columnist- “Dear Ann: My Husband and I have been married seven years. He is good-looking and highly intelligent. We get along fine. The problem: We used to have sex about five times a week. In the last several months, it’s been once a week – maybe. I have a hunch he is having an affair. I have no evidence. No blond hairs on his coat, no lipstick on his shirt, no phone numbers in his wallet, no unexplained expenditures of money, and he hasn’t bought himself any fancy new shirts. Don’t suggest counseling. He’s a psychologist who specializes in marital problems. He’s in good health and very cheerful. Any suggestions?o Transition pointo Enhancement bias of partnero At a transition point, seeking accurate information, resolves ambiguityby believing in the worst to protect herself despite of the fact that she has no actual evidenceo Perspective: His behavior is so good that there must be something going on; perceives