Psychology 137C – Intimate Relationships – Thomas Bradbury – Winter 2012Week 1 Lecture 1 01/10/12What Will you Leave With? Rich descriptive portraits of relationships. Knowledge about intimate relationships. An appreciation for the complexity involved in acquiring this knowledge. Greater understanding of yourself and your intimate relationships. Insights about couple therapies. A grade that reflects your performance.Your Course Resources Website Syllabus Study Guide Video Clips  Lectures BookConsequential Strangers – Turning Everyday Encounters Into Life-Changing Moments by Melinda Blau and Karen L. Fingerman, PhD-This is the book you will need to complete the paper assignment Your Teaching AssistantCari Gillen-O’NeelOffice hours: 12.15 to 2.15 on TuesdaysOffice: 2327 Franz HallEmail:[email protected] Thomas BradburyOffice hours: 9.30 to 10.30 on Tuesdays9.30 to 10.30 on Thursdays Office: 2263C Franz HallEmail:[email protected] Grade-25% Midterm Exam –Thursday Week 5 – February 9th-35% paper - Thursday Week 6 – February 16th-40% Final Exam – Thursday Week 10 – March 15th-Questions? See the FAQs in the syllabusWhy are intimate relationships important?What is the central, defining experience of intimacy?What is an intimate relationship?What factors govern the course and quality of intimate relationships?Why do Relationships Matter? Several intrinsic reasons- … determine the survival of our species- … are a universal human experience- … expand our range of emotional experiencesWhy do Relationships matter/are important? Several extrinsic reasons…- They promote our mental and physical health.- They promote the well-being of children- They are the fabric of societies. What is the Special Experience of Intimate Relationships?Pablo Neruda: “I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,in secret, between the shadow and the soul.I love you as the plant that never bloomsbut carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;So I love you because I know no other waythan this: where I does not exist, nor you,so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.”Liu Xiaobo to Liu Xia, 2009“Your love is sunlight that transcends prison walls and bars, stroking every inch of my skin, warming my every cell, letting me maintain my inner calm, magnanimous and bright, so that every minute in prison is full of meaning. But my love for you is full of guilt and regret, sometimes heavy enough to hobble my steps …. my love is hard, sharp, and can penetrate any obstacles. Even if I am crushed into powder, I willembrace you with the ashes.”What Makes a Relationship Intimate- Bi-direction Interdependence- Mutual Recognition as Special and Unique as Special and Unique- Effects are Strong, Frequent, and Diverse.- Lust and Sexual Desire that could be Expressed and SharedOther important aspects of (good) intimate relationships Partners coordinate their behaviors.  Partners try to restore proximity. Partners like to please one another. Partners take care of each other. Partners try to be fair, to achieve ‘equity’ Partners reveal and share themselves. Partners ponder a future together. Does anyone see a problem here?Intimate relationships can be as difficult as they are important. And societal constraints appear to be weakening.What do we need to know in order to … fully understand their relationship?  determine whether the relationship will remain fulfilling? understand how their relationship will change? help them when times get rough?515253545100 300 500 700 900 1100 1300 1500Days Since WeddingHigh Level of IntimacyHusband WifeThis course addresses these crucial questions, by examining: Attraction and mate selection Sex, gender, and sexual orientation Personality traits and personal histories Developing and maintaining intimacy Conflict and aggression Beliefs and values about relationships Processing information in relationships Relationships under stress Therapies and educational programs Relationships across the