Psychology 137CWeek 3 Lecture 6*two weeks from Thursday – midterm – 50 questions*three weeks until paper is due*two upcoming review sessions*high chance that test material will reflect what the professor speaks about in class-readings elaborate on lecture material and will also be in the material Review*The critical question – Why do some relationships thrive while others provide pain and suffering*Benefits of Good CommunicationThe Individuals in Intimate Relationships- Chapter 6- We vary in our capacities to provide particular experiences to our partners- As we think about how the various elements of attraction form the basis for fledgling partnerships, we have to examine the positive, joining (‘prosocial’) behaviors that partners display. Next week we will.- But we learned from the lecture on gender that we cannot assume that all individuals are identical as they enter this process! Regardless of who an individual forms a relationship with, he or she will possess unique individual characteristics and experiences that are relatively stable.- How do we conceptualize these characteristics and experiences? Do they matter? Which ones? How?How Do Individuals Vary?- Psychology tells you how people vary when they enter a relationship- What constrains the behavior you are able to display- How much does communication have to be tailored to cater your partner’s personality- Traits.o One way that psychologists study the differences in peopleso Big 5 Model (see textbook)o You have to be concerned w/ who the individuals in our relationships areo Shows you how people vary and how relationships varyo A little superficial (personal traits)- Families.o Allows us to understand what’s normal, what’s appropriateo Provide us with information on intimate relationships, you learn how to be a good or bad relationship partnero Personal, powerful - Attachment. o A deeper stepo What do we take away in an emotional way from our relationships“… a large proportion of incompatible marriages are so because of a predisposition to unhappiness in one or both of the spouses. Whether by nature or by nurture, there are persons so lacking in the qualities which make for compatibility that they would be incapable of finding happiness in any marriage .…”- Personality traits, started by a field of psychologists as personality traits are seen as crucial - Quote from text written by a psychologistClassic Study: Kelly and Conley 278 couples recruited in the 1930s. Five acquaintances rated each person’s personality. Their scores were averaged to create measures of neuroticism, extraversion, impulse control, and agreeableness. Spouses provided reports of divorce or how happy they were in the marriageat 3 times, as recent as 1980. This yielded 3 groups: Below mean on all measures at all times No consistent pattern of distress. Divorced- Don’t need to know the details, just the basic story- We will experience negative emotion*table below indicates that happy couples are below average with negative emotion, while divorced couples are above average with negative emotion * see next page*stress in relationships limit one’s income as stress leaks to their work livesYou’re both miserable wretches, but I suppose that is beside the point.-psychologist to couple in therapyHow?• Self-Esteem is a common correlate of Neuroticism:• I tend to feel like a failure.• I do not have much to be proud of.• I wish I had more self-respect.• People low in self-esteem expect others to see them the way they see themselves. This biases their expectations and contributes to difficulties in communication.• Problematic – leads to several problems • Impulsivity also matters• Being an angry person matters • We want to have great sex with our partner• Some people are more or less prone to negative emotionFig. 6.5: The dependency regulation model. Research by Psychologist Sandra Murray and colleagues demonstrates how an enduring personality characteristic, low self-esteem, can affect how partners perceive and communicate with one another.*Show you how personality traits matter OK, traits matter.  But the deep roots of our interpersonal histories are found in our families. What functions do families serve?  What lasting effects do families have?  What happens when families ‘break down’?  What is transmitted?• Parental relationships and the well-being of their children. • Parental relationships and the well-being of their adult children.• How does ‘intergenerational continuity’ come about?Wallerstein: Glass Half-Empty Poverty for women and children as economic resources typically decline by 1/3. Divorce creates emotional difficulties in parents and children Divorce leads to short-tempered, coercive parenting  As a rough estimate, divorce doubles the risk of adverse outcomes among children. Divorce has a diverse number of effects that happen over a span of time We have to understand the adaptations that divorces cause/requireHetherington: Glass Half-Full Yes, but this doubling goes from ~15% to ~30%. Most kids do just fine.  Are children scarred? 20 years later … No, but they feel they are.  Divorce can have a variety of effects depending on how it is handled. Women typically adjust better than men, probably because they are better able to use others for support.Divorce is bad, end of story? Yes, divorce is ‘bad,’ but if we look at children prior to parental divorce, they are already displaying academic and personal difficulties (Cherlin et al 1991). “At least as much attention needs to be paid to the processes that occur in troubled intact families as to the trauma that children suffer after their parents separate.” The point is not ‘how do we avoid divorce’, the point is ‘how do we enable people to have healthy relationships’Parental discord increases risk of discord in the next generation. How can we explain this link? Faster transition to adulthood, less monitoring.  More tolerant of divorce. Fewer resources. Weaker family relationships. Communication!  Intergenerational transmission of relationship Satisfaction of your parent’s relationships impact your own satisfaction in your relationship  Children with parents with troubled relationships tend to do more activities, watch tv, etc Parental Divorce and Relationship