First Day of Intimate Relationshipshttps://ccle.ucla.edu/course/view/11S-PSYCH137C-1 Week 1 Lecture 1 - Wednesday March 30, 2011- The Smartest Man in the World?o Einstein was witty and charmingo Was known as a ladies man even in his teenso Went to university to study math and met his first serious relationshipo Einstein and Wife, 1911 He was 17, she was 21 when they met Mileva Maric It was unusual for woman to be enrolled in university for math She had a gift for it It was her intelligence that attracted him to her and she to him She was known as being an intense student Had a disease as a child that left her with a limp = not a great beauty He would write in long love letters how grateful he was that she allowed him to press himself against her in a “natural” way Studied together had a baby but had to give it up, Einstein never saw the baby This trauma drew them closer together Despite the parents protests they got married and had 2 sons All was not well in Einstein’s home He was hard at work, his career was taking off and he was traveling She was a mathematician too but she was staying home with the sons, her health declined and they began growing distant, she moved out but they didn’t get a divorce until many years later, Einstein didn’t really see his sons Got a divorce eventually because he was seeing another womano For several years he had been living with another woman Einstein and 2nd wife, 1922 First wife was intellectual equal, this wife was not She was caring and comforting She had already been divorced herself and brought with her two other children He lived with her until she died in 1936, but was known to be unfaithful even with her, had affair with secretary Did not remarry after Elsa diedo Einstein talked about the failures at relationships – sent a letter to friend saying I admire you for staying married your whole life, something I tried to do twiceo It wasn’t that Einstein didn’t care about relationships, he just couldn’t do it but he wanted to have a lifelong intimate romantic relationship with a partner- The Power of Intimate Relationshipso Who cares about intimate relationships? (hint: everyone) Topic of epic poetry, Greek tragedy, philosophy, theatre, fiction, cinema1- Enduring theme of human existence- Inspire art, law, and public policy Intimate relationships are a huge issue in the legal system The definition of intimate relationships is a topic of debate at the highest levels of government It has been a topic of discussion in poetry, literature, philosophy We care about it because it’s such a big powerful part of our life Intimate relationships are associated with happiness in a profound wayo Intimate Relationships and Happiness Researchers ask “being in love is great but just how great is it”- Part of the research was done by asking people how happy are you in your life?- Then they ask them how happy are you in various specific domains of your life? (i.e. marriage, work, health, friends, finances, etc)- Then they asked “Which specific area of life is most strongly associated with a happy person?”o Marriage was the highest factoro Main effect of marriage (regardless of whatever was going on)- If you are in a successful intimate relationship you can endure a lot of problems more easily (i.e. problems at work)- The Goals of this Courseo After this course you should have: Understanding of what scientists have learned about intimacy and intimate relationships.- Research started in 30’s, picked up in 70’s and now it’s vastly researched- Has the introduction of the scientific method gained us any understanding?- What did we learn from science that we didn’t know a 1000 years prior?- A LOT Appreciation for the complexity involved in acquiring this knowledge.- Many people have criticized research on relationships as something that cannot be done- Senator William Proxmireo he was a crusader against government wasteo each year his office would announce his “golden fleece awards”o awards to projects that he thought were complete wastes of moneyo he awarded the first one to a relationship researcher who had governmentfunded grant to study loveo Proxmire said you can’t study love it’s a waste of money Information to inform your opinion on current controversies and issues related to relationships.- What Makes a Relationship? (let’s take a step back and talk about relationships in general)o Two famous researchers thought about this question Harold Kelly John Tebeau interested in defining relationships because they were interested in psychology of small groups came together and wanted to write a book called “the social psychology of groups”2 start with the smallest possible group then we’ll move on they died without even moving onto a 3 person group from the dyad the first question they asked was how do we know if two people standing next to each other are in a relationship? interdependenceo Interdependence The state of two people having mutual influence over each other’s outcomes What that means is that 2 people are in a relationship if my actions affect you and at the same time your actions affect me (teacher has relationship with class)  State of mutual influence is the defining feature of a relationship If you think broadly we are interdependent with every other organism on the planet- Interesting but not useful for us If everyone is interdependent what kinds of interdependence are there? They thought about it and came up with 5 different dimensions of interdependenceo Dimensions of Interdependence (Tebeau and Kelly)1. frequency of contact2. duration of contacta. siblings are usually the longest relationships3. diversity of different interactionsa. think about the teacher student relationshipb. there isn’t much going on besides teaching, we don’t hang out together4. direction of influence (uni or bidirectional)5. strength of influence- What Makes a Close Relationship (Tebeau died so Kelly did this himself)o "The close relationship is one of strong, frequent, and diverse interdependence that lasts over a considerable period of time." (Kelley et al, 1983, p. 38)o One thing missing from this definition is the mutuality dimension You can have close relationships that are not mutual- (i.e. Karney and his daughter, he can move the family to another