Psychology 137C Week 7 Lecture 12Beliefs and ValuesWhy Study Cognition in Relationships?- Behavioral research assumes that behaviors have inherent meanings.- In fact, behaviors are ambiguouso The Annie Hall exampleo Meaning in relationships comes partly from the behavior, and partly from how we interpret it.Revisiting the Intimacy Process Model- A’s motives, needs, goals and fears- A’s disclosure of expression of self-relevant feelings and informations- B’s interpretive filter- B’s emotional and behavioral response- A’s interpretive filter- A’s response to B’s responseo Feels understood?o Feels validated?o Feels cared for”- B’s motives, needs, goals and fearsWhat do we know about our Intimate Relationships?- Three levels of relationship knowledge (Fletcher, 2002): o General beliefs and values re: social behavior- “Look out for #1”o General beliefs and values re: relationships- “Love conquers all”o Specific beliefs and values re: one particular intimate relationship- “She is my soulmate.”What functions does this knowledge serve?- Theories help us navigate our complex social worlds in three ways:o Understand and explain the world around us.o Anticipate and predict what will happeno Control and regulate our behavior How you interpret specific behaviors impacts our consequent behavior- The connection between these two levels proves to be particularly important.The Ideal Standards Model- How do we know if we are in a good or bad relationship?- We compare what we perceive we have in the relationship with pre-existing beliefs and values.o Comparison levels return!o If I get more than I expect, I will be happyo If I get less than I expect, I will be less happy- Fletcher and Kininmonth (1992)o When sex is important, correlates with satisfaction at .48o When sex is not important, correlates with satisfaction at .04Common ‘Dysfunctional’ Beliefs (Eidelson & Epstein, 1982)- Disagreement is Destructiveo An item on this scale would agree with statements like, “if my partner doesn’t agree with me, they my partner doesn’t love me.”- Mindreading is Expectedo Associated with bad communication skills- Sex must be perfect- Men and Women are Basically Differento If you believe this, it affects your behavior.o If you believe than men and women are similar, you are more apt and likely to work problems out since you feel there must be some common ground the two of you can reachImplicit Theories of Relationship- Which statement do you agree with more?o “Relationships that do not start off well will fail.”o “People can change the way they act.”- How much are your perceptions of your partner’s personality linked to your satisfaction?o To answer this, researchers asked participants three questions: 1st question – rate your partner’s personality 2nd question – how much do you like your relationship with your partner 3rd question – Are personalities fixed?o Conclusion: #1 People who think that personalities can change- Their ratings of their partner’s personality was not related to how much they like their relationshipo Conclusion #2: People who believed that personalities were fixed – Their ratings of their partner’s personality was directly linked to how much they liked their relationship- How much is initial satisfaction linked to relationship longevity?o If you think that initial satisfaction is crucial and your relationship does not start out well, then you will leaveo If you think that initial satisfaction is crucial and your relationship does not start out well, then you will stayo If you believe that people can change and that relationships grow, the link between initial satisfaction and relationship longevity was close to zero.- Our beliefs shape our reactions to specific experiencesPerceptual Confirmation- Another way our knowledge affects our relationships- Our expectations affect our perceptions.o We tend to see what we expect to see.- The effects of rejection sensitivityo A disposition, a trait a stable quality of individualso Some people are high in rejection sensitivity; they are always on the lookout for signs of rejection perhaps because of their childhoods; they expect rejectiono Research shows that they perceive rejections that do not existo Study (people high in rejection sensitivity vs. people low in rejection sensitivity Those high in rejection sensitivity concluded that their partner left because the partner didn’t want to work with them The person low in rejection sensitivity concluded that they did not know why their partner left- The effects of low-self esteemo Our cognitions can shape our experience The way we think of the world affects our experiencesBehavioral Confirmation- Our expectations affect our behaviorso Our expectations cause something to happen that normally wouldn’t happeno The self-fulfilling prophecy Happens with low self esteem and high rejection sensitivity all the time- How do we interact with people we think are attractiveo In one study, men were given a photograph of an attractive women or an unattractive women  Men who thought they were speaking to an attractive women were more engaging, energetic, friendly, inviting, and interested in their conversations Coders who were only given the women’s side to listen to, ratedthe women more attractive when the men thought they were more attractive than when the men thought they were less attractive- Men created attractive behaviorso The man’s expectations changed the woman’s behavior- Downside – if you are depressed or high in rejection sensitivity,your partner will eventually change his behavior according to your negative expectationso Because it is hard to be with someone who is depressed and/or someone who is high in rejection sensitivity, your love for that person will decline overtime - The social problems of the depressedo A person who has an idea about how relationships work can behave inways that can actually create that world that wouldn’t be there otherwiseHigh Standards or Lower Expectations: Which is Better?- The argument for higher standardso You should expect the best – better than having lowing expectations You’ll reach greater outcomes this way and you’ll try hardero Perceptual & Behavioral Confirmations support this- The argument for lower expectationso Don’t expect too much and you won’t be disappointed o