PSYC 2606 1st Edition Lecture 28Outline of Last Lecture I. Sternberg’s Triangular theory of love A. inside and outside of triangleII. social exchange theoryA. comparison levels, comparison level alternativesIII. investment model of relationshipsIV. What is attractive?A. the halo effect, the matching phenomenon, proximity/propinquity, exposure effect, the gain loss theory of attraction, reciprocity, generalized reciprocity, dyadic reciprocity, relational pluralistic ignorance, signal amplification biasV. Relationship maintenance A. soul mate vs. growth theorists VI. What is a good opening line?Outline of Current Lecture I. What do we find attractive?II. What is a good opening line?III. What makes a relationship last?A. misattribution of arousal, derogation of alternatives, positive illusionsIV. Conflict and BreakupsA.Current Lecture What do we find attractive?1. attractive people (the matching phenomenon - we like people of similar attractiveness)2. similar/familiar people3. people who are nearby4. people who like us back What is a good opening line?● guy = cute line; girl = innocuous lineWhat makes a relationship last? ● destiny vs. growth theorists ● Misattribution of arousal : attributing arousal to the person rather than to the situationThese notes represent a detailed interpretation of the professor’s lecture. GradeBuddy is best used as a supplement to your own notes, not as a substitute.○ ex. going on a rollercoaster on the first date is good because since both of you are feeling arousal, you may attribute it to the other person and it makes you feelcloser to the other person ● Derogation of Alternatives : because exposure to other very attractive people can reduce perceived attractiveness of your partner, you downgrade the attractiveness of others to increase the perceived attractiveness of your partner ● Positive Illusions : the tendency to idealize your partner b/c you want to see your partner as better than they areConflict and Breakup ● Demand Withdraw Behavior Pattern : more demand = more withdraw● Socialization Perspective : women are socialized to connect with other people while men are socialized to be independent ● Social Structural Perspective : in traditional marriage, men are the primary beneficiaries and the idea is that women are dissatisfied with the status quo so they want change but men are satisfied so they are trying to resist this change ● Hidden Agenda : youre upset about something else but aren’t expressing that so you getmad at them for something random● Kitchen Sinking : rather than honing in on the specific problem you are mad about, you bring about allllll irrelevant issues that are not directly related to the problem at hand● Off - Beaming : drifting off track before the real problem is actually solved ● Cross Complaining : your partner expresses a complaint and you retaliate a complaint back instead of responding to their complaint● Negative Mindreading : assuming you understand what your partner meant and how they feel and assuming that your partner understands what you mean and how you feel ○ unhappy couples are more hostile and assume the worst ● Self Summarizing : when no matter what the other person is saying you just keep repeating yourself over and over again therefore preventing any growth in the discussionInteraction Dynamics Approach ● Gottman’s four horseman 1. criticism - attacking character rather than behavior2. defensiveness - denying responsibility and making excuses 3. stonewalling - refusing to respond to your partners complaints or concerns (seen as withdraw)4. contempt - mocking, insulting, disrespecting (best predictor of divorce)● Emotions in Marriage ○ Positive Sentiment Override : when the positive emotion we are experiencing overrides the problem ○ Negative Sentiment Override : even a neutral thing can be seen negatively Breaking up Strategies ● avoidance - completely avoid● de escalation - pulling back● positive tone - concern and reasoning justification - very direct concrete