COMM 305 Edition 1st Theories of Developing Relationships Outline of Last Lecture 1 Key Theoretical Assumptions a Ontology b Epistemology c Axiology Key Communication Assumptions a Process b Transactional c Symbolic d Social e Intentional 2 Outline of Current Lecture 1 Initiating and Developing Relationships 2 Social Penetration Theory SPT 3 SPT in Practice Small Talk a Characteristics of Small Talk b Paradox of Small Talk c Importance of Small Talk d Recommendations based on SPT 4 Building on SPT Relational Dialectics Current Lecture Social Penetration Theory addresses why relationships develop It is a story of why some relationships develop and others don t Relationships increase or decrease in intimacy or maintains some level of intimacy and stays at that level It is called the onion Intimacy is increasing as you move along Begins talking about stages It breaks down relationships into four stages 1 Orientation We are cautious COMM 305 Edition 1st We follow scripts and patterns 2 Exploratory Affected Exchange Exploring We see more talk about emotional topics We move away from scripted topics 3 Affected Exchange Involves fully intimate relationships People talk about anything Nothing is off limits 4 Stable exchange People that have been married for a long time There is an openness or richness of an interaction You understand each other really well You talk about intimate topics and you know what the other person will have to say about it You can finish each others sentences Some relationships will level off You may never go deeper than exploratory affected exchange You talk about topics in more detail as you move along You don t jump around You move step by step through each stage Some cases there is love at first sight You can talk about deep things right away That is not the case with social penetration theory It says you may move quickly through stages But you still go through the same stages If you are breaking up with someone you will go back through the same stages The primary communitive method is disclosure Relationships develop by moving through these stages We go from different stages through disclosure Disclosure is the engine of social penetration theory By telling more information about yourselves you can develop the intimacy Disclosure operates by the principle of reciprocity Social exchange evaluate what you may and what you want to get out of a relationship Telling people more intimate things depends on what you want to get out of the relationship You exchange information because you think you re coming out ahead in the social exchange We compare it to a past relationships you have been in COMM 305 Edition 1st How does our evidence reflect the theory Sometimes theories are wrong There is a difference in what does happen and what the theory says will happen 3 SPT in Practice Small Talk a Small Talk There is a particular kind of communication like small talk Small talk is safe and scripted It focuses on safe topics The exchange of demographic information It is typically safe in that it sticks to safe topics Safety is useful in small talk It minimizes your vulnerability Safe topics let us have small talk without making us vulnerable to attack or revealing something personal They minimize the potential for disagreement Small talk involves more breath than depth You may talk about a lot of things but nothing in to much depth If you went into a persons obsession about something it is not small talk anymore In small talk you bounce off questions and answers It is parallel If I tell you something what you tell me will mimic what I told you The beginnings and endings of small talk is scripted It is ritualized Closings are also scripted The patterns are very recognizable we can joke about it It is safe and scripted It presents us with a paradox b Paradox of Small Talk We do small talk all the time There are lots of synonyms for small talk because we do it so often Study of Trivial Talk Small talk sports talk current events talk weather talk Gossip joking around catching up recapping the day Across relational types no matter what phase you are in you do small talk About 2 3rds of the time you are in small talk With acquaintance you have an equal amount of trivial talk As you become better friends you still have trivial talk but the amount of trivial talk changes COMM 305 Edition 1st Small talk is important because it is essential for relationship building We use it to audition We use it to find out if there is compatibility between us We do it to prepare us for more intimate kind of talk We use small talk to see if we want to be friends with this person If you are good at small talk you can fit in people will hire you ect Lonely people are said to not be good at small talk Sometimes it doesn t matter what you say but that you are there and are saying something Phatic communication may be small It doesn t matter What matters is talk for talk sake Small talk in action d Recommendation based on SPT Sex in the City clip about Charlotte talking to much and giving to much information up front Charlotte became to intimate to quickly Increase topic intimacy gradually We infer a lot about the other at the first few moments Free Information Weather Show interest in the other person Verbal listening behavior