COMM 305 1st Edition Theories of Developing Relationships Outline of Last and Current Lectures 1 Initiating and Developing Relationships 2 Social Penetration Theory SPT 3 SPT in Practice Small Talk a Characteristics of Small Talk b Paradox of Small Talk c Importance of Small Talk d Recommendations based on SPT 4 Building on SPT Relational Dialectics Current Lecture Share the floor Charlotte did not share the floor in our video clip Share the floor Charlotte did not share the floor in our video clip The person that doesn t talk much was considered unintelligent The person that does talk is considered likable warm ect Share the floor It is important to listen and talk One is not more important than the other We can try to make our rehearsals more effective The odd moments stand out They don t fit what we normally do SPT looks at what happens most of the time There will be exceptions Rational Actor Criticism Sometimes we stay in relationships when there is not a good reason for irrational reasons There are other reasons that go into if we will stay in a relationship or not Sometimes it gives us to much credit We are thinking about the relationships we choose to and don t choose to develop Maybe we aren t making conscious choices often Charlotte didn t have to dwell on the choice if she should share information She decided to run away It has been known to be too linear We need a theory that addresses these problems It is based on the impulse that relational dialectic theory was created Social penetration theory has heuristic value which encourages the development of theory It inspired relational dialectic theory The point is not to explain what happens in general but to explain the messiness The bell theory Relational Dialectic Theories Relational Dialectic Theories tries to explain the messiness It cases things as messy ongoing negotiations Communicators have to somehow deal with dialectics 2A Dialectics The relationship is the tension Deals with inherit tensions If you have a relationship you have these tensions There is not a relationship without these tensions By tensions they mean that in relationships there are competing ideals that are contradictory This one is the cake model It is about trying to have your cake and eat it to Relationships are about contradicting ideas in the relationship A dialectic is a way of describing these tensions or contradicting ideals A dialectic is a pair of ideals that is contradicting in some ways The patters we see are about people trying to deal with these existence Relational dialectics goes farther 1 The theory points out that dialectics aren t resolved You never stop negotiating these tensions You are never done negotiating these tensions until there is no more relationship 2 How the relationship is managed varies over time It is not always negotiated in the same way 3 The tensions are managed through communication Disclosure is what moves a relationship through the levels We manage relational dialectics through communication and through the choices we make and the conversations we have Through praxis patterns communication is managed 2B Internal and External Dialectics We manage dialectics that have to do with our eternal relationship as well as the relationship and the community the relationship is in Internal Dialectics within the relationship COMM 305 1st Edition Connection Autonomy Certainty Uncertainty Openness Closedness Connection Autonomy Refers to the pole we experience between being a couple a family and also being an individual In a relationship we feel the pull of being connected or dependent on that person We want a sense of connection We also want to be ourselves and to be individuals Social penetration theory says if a relationship is moving forward we need disclosure We always need disclosure through SPT Relational dialectics says this may be the most important because it stands for the rest The Simpsons clip The kids need to be able to count on Marge Certainty Uncertainty Openness Closedness Sometimes we want to tell people things Other times we don t Sometimes it is good to share more Sometimes it is better for the relationship to share less It is about being able to balance two ideals Can the family find a healthy balance How are people balancing the larger community Internal Dialectics within the relationship External Dialectics between the relationship and the community Connection Autonomy Inclusion Seclusion Certainty Uncertainty Conventionality Uniqueness Openness Closedness Revelation Concealment