CMS 357 1st Edition Lecture 10 I Parenthood as a Crisis A What happens to a couple when they have a baby Transition to parenthood in index marital satisfaction starts out high in the early years of marriage goes down some then levels out and goes back up after 20 years of marriage prob bc having kids B We measure stress by life changes having a baby is a big change so it is associated with stress There is a reason to translate having a baby and transitioning to parenthood as a crisis but its not a crisis for everybody and how it plays out varies person to person We have this generalization but if we look at the research today that generalization is way too simplistic II Problems with Previous Research A Parents include those who accidentally got pregnant research just compares couples who are parents to couples who are not parents and says look couples who are parents are more stressed out Problem with that is that parent groups include people who accidentally got pregnant Problems with accidental surprise of the pregnancy can be stressful they are unprepared so that is stressful probably unhappy with the situation probably not even married or maybe only got married bc they got pregnant quality of that relationship is not as good as the quality of a relationship where they want to be together and want to have a baby not reasonable to conclude that the kid or having a child causes the relationship dissatisfaction bc these ppl had relationship issues other than the kid to start out with B Parent group includes those staying together for the kids having the kid isn t what makes them dislike eachother they have relationship These notes represent a detailed interpretation of the professor s lecture GradeBuddy is best used as a supplement to your own notes not as a substitute issues but they are in the married with kids group so they bring the satisfaction of that group down lower if they didnt have kids they would get divorced if they didnt have kids they wouldnt be in either group bc theyd be divorced C Parents who are married tend to be younger than those are married and non parents People who wait longer to be married tend to be happier in their relationships than those who get married really young Being older makes them happier whether they have kids or not D Parents tend to be less affluent couples who are married with kids are not as affluent as those without kids DINKs double income no kids Kids cost a lot of money It could be also they are more stressed out bc of finances It s not that the kid itself makes you more stress or less satisfied III Changes that Occur with the Transition A Division of labor kids take time and work With kids the labor increases a lot Generally the division of labor is still very traditional especially when the kids are young Women do the vast majority of child care ex men cannot nurse children women have to get up in the middle of the night to breastfeed mens restrooms do not have changing tables if man is making more then woman is going to stay home to take care of kid women sometimes get maternity leave while men do not B Leisure Activities fun activities go down division of labor goes up and leisure activities go down with kids you don t have as much couple time as you used to can t say 4pm on a sunday lets go see a movie bc you have a baby Have to arrange a babysitter etc Women s leisure time alone goes down less men s leisure time without partner goes down more bc women can do leisure acitivities with the baby and their friends and men cannot do their lesiure acitvities with a baby can t bring baby to a golf course or sports bar C Socioemotional behavior communication positive things wife and husband do to each other and negative things they do to each other if you look at couples with and without a baby there is really not that much difference and not that much change before and after the baby amount of compliments and hugs amount of fighting and nagging If fight before the baby you ll fight after the baby too IV How Do Changes Affect Satisfaction A Division of Labor does it affect couples level of satisfaction Answer is not really The fact that women do more household work than men that doesn t affect their marital satisfaction People who have a child before the first year marriage in that group women s satisfaction with their relationship declines after the baby and less satisfied doing more of the housework but its bc they got pregnant before they were married B Leisure activities not related to people s relationship satisfaction Couples understand they have a baby and know they re not happy that they can t go out for a run whenever they want but they still like their partner C Socioemotional behavior communication theres not a change here with or without kid but it does hugely affect satisfaction how much positive negative things you do for each other So if you re not satisfied before you ll be unsatisfied after the child If you re happy before and act positively toward each other before baby you ll be happy and act positively after the baby V What DOES Affect Satisfaction A Division of labor and leisure actives don t Socioeconoomic behavior communication does but doesn t change that much If you have more traditional gender roles about division of labor and stuff like that the tradition of labor is easier does NOT mean you can t be happy without traditional gender roles but traditional just makes it easier If it works out like expectations most people expecting traditional then its going to be a little easier Fathers who perceive they are skilled with child care tend to be happier happier dads and happier in their marriage If you feel skilled and good at something its more fun and makes you happier than if you re doing something and know you re bad at it makes you feel bad if you re bad at it Women who prefer to have their husbands involved with child care are happier So if woman prefers to have husband involved and he is skilled then they are in good shape if she wants him involved and he s not or if he wants to be involved and she won t let him then they will be unhappy Women can be gatekeepers in their traditional roles and not want husband doing childcare B Couple s expectations what are the couples expectations going into the parenthood adventure If you know what s going to happen and you re ready for whats going to happen and it happens then you re a lot better off than if you re ready for something to happen and something totally