Family Identity Three interrelated identity tasks that families must execute 1 Constructing family themes 2 Socializing family members with respect to biological and social issues 3 Establishing a satisfactory congruence of images within the family personal identities roles Family Themes To provide a framework for meaning shape identity define roles The elements of the family experience that become organizing principles for family life including both conscious and unconscious elements as well as intellectual and emotional aspects shame and guilt when this ideal is not achieved o Purpose o Family themes come from o Themes affect subsequent behaviors o Direct the flow of resources o Create an emotional climate i e Time energy and money contributed toward education The theme of perfection can result in family members experiencing Positive or negative govern future intentions and actions Family history ethnic origins religious beliefs emotional issues choice The selection of particular themes may also represent the family s strategy for attempting to control how others perceive the family Ex we are intellectually superior brave and serve the needy Themes passed down from generations o Ethnic origin Italians appreciate food and celebration o Religious beliefs humility or respect for authority o Long standing traditions or values Kennedy Family passion for political involvement o Unresolved past family issues abandonment rejection sacrifice helplessness Personal Images and Identity Evolve within the family system consistent with themes Influenced by our perception of how others see us and how we compare ourselves to others Socializing Family Members Examples of Identity Strategies Encourage individual family members to feel good about themselves Make yourself feel better at another s expense Boys behave in a masterful way and take on challenges Girls value social skills and nurture pride physical attributes appearance Parents attempt to live through their child and control their identity Family systems provide important socialization experiences Performed through on going interactions Bi directional Expectations of each family member The most basic types of roles are father mother aunt daughter son grandmother For example one person may be the clown of the family the responsible one the Family Roles emotional one Control How much a family tries to control the identity of a member varies Do family members have the freedom to develop their own identities based on their own strengths and potentials or are they constrained by expectations that require them to develop a particular identity that does not fit with who they really are and all they can achieve This is how a dysfunctional role can form in a family This is also when parents may try to live vicariously through their children and control their identity to be what they always wanted to be Personal Identity vs Roles Healthy families have different personalities and skills that work together to meet the family task of identity Dysfunctional families have one certain script or role for each family member to meet the identity task even if it may not be their entire identity it becomes their label Dysfunctional Roles 1 The Do er 2 The Enabler 3 The Loner 4 The Hero conducts all maintenance tasks often taken advantage of driven by guilt and an overdeveloped sense of responsibility covers for everyone often meets their needs without being asked including the self destructive necessities of other members of the family peacemaker avoids conflict at all costs activities that focus the family s attention on the positive self esteem comic relief true feelings never get expressed the adult cannot meet their needs in other adult relationships poor boundaries established meets needs for autonomy by escaping issues accepts the responsibility for decreasing tension in the family by excelling in companionable and entertaining creates the illusion of family peace Provides assumes the blame for all family dysfunction black sheep figure a little spouse child becomes a parent because 6 The Scapegoat 7 Dad s Little Princess Mom s Little Prince 5 The Mascot Establishing a Congruence of Identities and Beliefs Shared views that family members have of one another No congruence can lead to fixed roles in a family and each person has needs that go unmet Family myths occur if ideals are not congruent with outside views If identity within a family is congruent it facilitates interaction o Based on expectations and experience o Influenced by trans generational memories and stories o Myths arise when a family holds an image of itself that does not match with that of outsiders EXAMPLE A school system s intervention attempts are resisted by the self sufficient family results in distance between child and school Family Ideology Focuses on cognitive and intellectual aspects of the family system attitudes beliefs values The body or group of ideas that exist in a group society or social movement o Level I Ideology Surface level content discussions in family Example family rules behavioral actions o Level II Ideology Intermediate levels of abstraction Metarules methods of decision making Changing patterns of authority Changing power in a system Example belief in the importance of discipline o Level III Ideology Highly abstract and general Differences and similarities in family members worldviews values long term goals Addresses the nature of reality and how to cope Example belief that life is a hostile experience When families or people who are attempting to assist families focus on Level II processes it demands fairly sophisticated ways of thinking Most people remain at Level I because it is specific and simple to understand