UNDERSTANDING DIVORCE AND RELATIONSHIP DISSOLUTION Divorce and Separation as a Process Divorce as a process not an event o Cyclical patterns transfer into new relationships 2nd and 3rd divorces are more common Factors surrounding process are often key to outcomes Transitions and Adjustments KEY TERMS 1 Parental Child role assumed by a child responsibility for parenting other children 2 Co Parenting end spousal role maintain parental role sharing parental responsibilities 3 Boundary Ambiguity confusion about family membership Stages of Divorce 1 Individual Cognition 2 Family Metacognition 3 Separation Mental separation first realize something is wrong no partner confrontation some couples stay together rather than risk separation weigh the pros and cons Announce to family greatest distress and disruption family system changes One partner moves out boundary tensions economic and legal divorces occur 4 Family Reorganization Co parenting renegotiate new boundaries custody Bohannon s Six Stations 1 Emotional Divorce Withhold bonding and communication Self esteem reduction misunderstanding Divorce counseling 2 Legal Divorce Dissolution by state in court Period of grieving Address rights rather than balance Divorce mediation negotiate terms couples report better interpersonal relationships with their spouses afterward fairness of results No fault divorce California 1970 o Reasons previously included infidelity inability for economic support etc o Results for women economic independence employment greater education birth control and reproductive rights 3 Economic Divorce Financial resources Management of children 4 Co parental Divorce 5 Community Divorce Kin no more extended family relations in laws Divorce modifies one s social networks Most commonly retained relationship Mother in law with the wife if children are involved females are more likely to maintain relationships with in laws Friends no more Couple pairs time schedules renegotiation 6 Psychic Divorce Psychological autonomy redefine oneself as single individual To be successful consideration respect must be established between the couple New social identity Symbolic Interactionism Ahron s Categorization of Former Spouse Relationships 1 Perfect Pals Maintain friendship 2 Cooperative Colleagues 3 Angry Associates power struggle 4 Fiery Foes 5 Dissolved Duos Hostile former marital issues contaminate parenting children get caught in the middle No such thing as co parenting other parent is the enemy harmful to entire family Discontinue contact with each other emotional cutoff children feel abandoned Healthy Divorce for Children 80 of children do not experience long term serious problems following divorce Low number of transitions and stressors following divorce if rules and partners are consistent predictability and stability is preferred No triangulation No emotional reactivity Children can express their feelings personal validation is constructive to their recovery Children can accept the breakup REMARRIAGE REPARTNERING AND STEPFAMILIES Definitions and Forms 1 Remarriage a family where one or both spouses have been married previously 2 Reparterning 3 Step Family blended household resulting in the presence of both biological and non biological parents a family in which one or both partners bring children into the Most common form mother her children from previous relationship and stepfather More complicated form mother and father both bring children from previous relationship and then have their own children Remarriage rates are declining and cohabitation rates are increasing Remarriage and Step Families Statistics 50 of marriages are remarriages for one or both parents 2 3 of these marriages have children from previous relationships over half of Americans will be part of a step family at some point in their life 1 3 of children will live in a blended family for at least one year before they reach 18 30 will re marry within one year after divorce Men remarry at higher rates For divorced women the likelihood of remarriage declines with age Remarriage is most common in women under age 25 at the time of their divorce Women who are educated and employed are less likely to remarry Remarriages are more likely to end in divorce than first marriages Divorce Family Life Cycle Next few stages include 1 Entering new relationships 2 Planning new Marriage and Family roles boundaries identity and maintenance tasks child loyalty to biological parents extended family members Unique Characteristics of Stepfamilies Formed following loss change transition different adjustment patterns All members come with history Converge at different phases Parent Child relationships precede couple relationship Children may have a parent elsewhere differences in tasks boundaries emotional climate Children hold membership in two households two sets of rules and norms Models for stepparents are poorly defined Step relationships are new and untested Have at least one extra set of grandparents Little to no legal relationships Boundaries Confusion Permeability Physical shared space Psychological SUBSYSTEMS Triangulation new and extended families Loyalty issues Alliances and coalitions Characteristics of Successful Stepfamilies 1 Realistic expectations do not accept common myths do not conform to family of origin 2 Recognize the value of relationship building cannot force love 3 Establish new rituals and routines 4 Allow for losses to be mourned 5 Sensitivity to children s emotions 6 Strong couple relationship 7 Satisfactory step relationships have formed gradual process 8 Separate households cooperate consistency between regulations to avoid undermining relationships