CONFLICT MANAGEMENT FOCUS ON COUPLE RELATIONSHIPS Two Kinds of Marital Conflict Importance 1 Perpetual Conflict part of your lives forever leads to gridlock if not coped with accepted 2 Solvable Problems use soft start ups repair attempts watch for flooding compromise tolerate each others imperfections Repair attempts break in tension during an argument humor physical contact Five Couple Types 1 Regulated Couples Validating couples calmer intimate value companionate marriage shared experience Volatile couples romantic passionate experience heated arguments with cycles of Avoider couples conflict minimizing eschew confrontation interact only in positive rather than individuality fighting and sex range of their emotions If couples do not always constructively resolve conflict how do they manage to stay together 1 Five to one ratio for every one negative remark five positives should be exchanged 2 Compatibility of conflict styles 6 Predictors of Divorce 1 Harsh Startup 2 Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse 1 Criticism personal attack on character complaint 2 Defensiveness results from criticism and contempt protective measure of character 3 Contempt sarcasm cynicism eye rolling name calling disgust hostile humor o Long simmering negative thoughts about partner at their expense spouse s negativity shuts you down people stonewall to protect themselves from 3 Flooding 4 Withdrawal Stonewalling avoidance of conflict defeat flooding emotional shock 4 Body language mode quicker situation are not effective 5 Failed repair attempts 6 Bad memories heart beat speech speed posture fight or flight mode men undergo this the efforts that a couple makes to prevent flooding and deescalate a rewrite the past for the worst remember solely the negative aspects Final 4 Stages Death Knell 1 You perceive your marital problems as severe 2 Talking things over seems useless You try to solve problems on your own 3 You begin leading parallel lives 4 Loneliness sets in 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work 1 Enhance your love maps knowledge of partner s idiosyncrasies fosters understanding 2 Nurture Fondness and Admiration 3 Turn toward each other not away response to affection 4 Let your partner influence you 5 Solve Solvable Problems cooperative communication methods soft start ups 6 Overcome Gridlock recognize the need for compromise to deal with a situation 7 Create Shared Meaning change and adapt to increase partner s self worth establish rituals and collective goals
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