Interpersonal Communication2 person, F2Fdirect (involved)Personal (common ground)Informal (Freedom)ImmediateSpontaneousAl dyads vary in “closeness” & can all be developmental (growing in closeness)Governed by rulesCultural = level  use w/ strangersSociological level  specific to groupsPsychological level  deep, intimateReciprocityWe fell obligated to re-pay someone if they do something for usFIND SOMEONE TO COPY FRIDAY OCTOBER 19TH NOTES FROM!The numbers with adsMen discloseProfessionAgeMoneyHobbiesMen discloseHair colorFamilyGood listenerMale-oriented hobbiesMen seekAttractivenessThin partnerWomen seekStatusPersonalityMarriage is not a word. It is a sentence, a life senteneWhy built dyads?Comfort and supportHappily married people have stronger immune systems than unhappily married coupleThe more college roommates like each other, the fever colds they haveDevelop sense of selfInclusion of other into selfEx: partner becomes part of identity (interests, knowledge etc.)Looking glass selfEx: look to partner to validate selfIf we are having a bad day, we feel like crap but your partner HELPS your self-esteemValidate our view of the worldSocial comparisonSelf evaluation maintenance theoryPerson will try to maintain or increase their own self-evaluationSelf-evaluation is influenced by relationships with othersSocial comparisonSelf evaluation maintenance theorySuccess from partner can increase your self-esteemIf success is not related to own abilitiesIf related, then decreases own abilitiesRelational developmentProximityMere exposureLDR’sThink about…Last names of best friends in grade or middle schoolClose relationshipInvolves strong, interdependence in many domainsInterdependence = thoughts, emotions, and behaviors influences your other “persons” behaviorsManaging interpersonal communicationTradeoffMarried men:Happier, live longerUnmarried women:Happier, live longerCommitmentLong-term orientation to the relationship[[look at slide image]]Commitment and Relationship maintenanceMale p’sRelationship status: single, low commit, or high commit to relationshipExpect to meet attractive femaleSingle vs. datingBefore meet, rate femaleAttractiveness (1-9)How might status affect attractiveness ratings?Girls attractive level moves up when a girl is dating someoneSingle girls are threateningLow commitment and high commitment buffers the attractiveness level/threatsMales interact with moderately attractive femaleSome single; some in relationshipAt various points during female’s menstrual cycle (not on pill; no makeup; similar clothes)Males rate attractiveness of femaleWould relationship status create differences in perceived attractiveness?At different points in menstrual cycle?Origins of attachmentHarlow (1971): infants bond because of bodily contact, not nourishmentIf you treat and have a great relationship with your parents, then you have a great relationship and treat teachers, friends, significant others the same way.Insecure attachmentMonkeys experienceAttachment StyleStyle if stable across lifetimeinfluences our romantic relationshipsSecure 60% - like self and others “normal”Avoidant 25% - like self, dislike others “avoid attachment”Anxious 11% - dislike self, like others “fear of losing attachment”HolmesStyles influence how partners give and receive supportWhen upset:Secure women seek support more than when not upsetAvoidant women seek less support than when not upsetStyles influence how partners give and receive supportSupport helped all women (but avoidant doesn’t want support)Attachment styles influences our trust in othersTrust in partner’s support“secures”think long-termreport high self-esteem and happiness in relationshipAttachment and ConflictInfluence how one handles conflictSecure – no negative influenceAvoidant – less warm and supportive behaviorAnxious – report high stress, anger and anxiety, lower feelings of loveTypes of tensionExpressive - protectiveSharing vs. privacySelf disclosureIssue with 8% of men and 31% of womenAutonomy – togethernessInterdependenceIssue with 27% of men and 44% of womenNovelty – PredictabilityIssue with 19% of men and 3% of womenResolutionsDialectical emphasisIgnorePseudo-synthesisBreak laws of physicsReaffirmationAccept roles and movement along dimensionsAvoiding dysfunctional patternsWhen relationships attack!Dominance/powerComplimentaryClear #1 personCan be problemSymmetricalCompetitive: fight for controlSubmissive: fight for bottomDisconfirmationsRejecting, responses; influence selfParadoxes“go to Vegas, I like feeling lonely”Double bind2 incongruent messages that cant be resolvedverbal and nonverbalSpiralsType of self-fulfilling prophecyProgressiveIncreasing trust and commitmentRegressiveDamaging thoughts and behaviorsCognitive interdependenceI vs. We“I went with the wife”“we went”related to commitmentEffecting self-disclosureSharing personal informationBorderline TMIThe more you disclose, the more attractive you are perceivedNot “here’s a secret: My mom thinks you are a loser”Not for all relationshipsCan be riskyPlaces burden on recipientTime and placeGradualReciprocalDeception“dinner was great” vs. “are you sure this is chicken?”80% deceive partner in last 2 weekswhy are partners easily deceived?Don't look for deception cuesTruth diasJealousyPerceived threat to a relationshipCould be due to insecurityEmotional v. sexual infidelityMales: sexual more distressingFemales: emotional more distressingGroup CommunicationGoalsDefinition of social facilitationCharacteristics of “groupness”Forms of task interdependenceGroup socialization processSteps of Tuckman’s 5 stage modelTypes of leadership stylesMere presence of othersSocial facilitationPeople perform better around others than alone (but only easy tasks)Participants in a lab½ # of uses for a paperclip½ creative uses for a paperclipALSO½ performance not evaluated by others½ performance evaluated by othersA groupDefinition – 3 or more people who become interdependent and share a collective identity through interactionDevelop “groupness”Characteristics of groupnessInteract (can be equal or hierarchical)InterdependentIndividuals rely on others to achieve goalsSocial: rely on emotional outcomes (support group)Task: rely on performance towards goal (construction crew)Develop shared standardsHow to behave, what to value, who to beCollective identityCohesion: psychological closenessCohesive groups:Encourage