Slide 1Slide 2IU Health Center Services 10th and 600 N. Jordan or the IMUAgendaHow do you define: RelationshipSlide 6Johari WindowSingle and O.K. with it!Slide 9Characteristics of a Healthy RelationshipMust have a Healthy BalanceSlide 12Mutual Respect, Trust and EqualityBuild Love Maps (Communicate)Share Fondness & AdmirationTurn Towards Instead of AwaySlide 17COMMUNICATION ABOUT SEXDreams & Shared MeaningBe PreparedCharacteristics of an Unhealthy RelationshipThe 4 Horseman of the ApocalypseThe 4 Horseman of the ApocalypseThe 4 Horseman of the ApocalypseThe 4 Horseman of the ApocalypseThe 4 Horseman of the ApocalypseCorralling the 4 HorsemanMutual Respect and EqualityNational and Local Support…Let’s Talk.01/14/2019Footer Text 1Building and Maintaining RelationshipsCathy Wyatt, M.S., C.T.T.S.Health & Wellness EducationIU Health [email protected] 2•Massage: $40 for a 45 minute session or $10 for 15 min. chair massage – now at the IMU 856-6648•Nutrition: 1 session free/semester with registered dietician – Both locations•Tobacco Cessation: Free cessation products and support – Both locations•Gynecological exams: free (but the tests cost $) – Health Center•Skin Cancer Basic Screening in the spring (or $20) – Health Center•Cholesterol Screening (Total, HDL, LDL) ($25) – Health Center• Counseling And Psychological Services: 2 free/semester (CAPS) – Health Center•Sexual Assault Counseling: free, unlimited sessions – Health Center•Schedule Medical or Wellness Appointments: 812.855.7688•Schedule CAPS Appointment: 855-5711•Sexual Crises Hotline: 855-8900IU Health Center Services10th and 600 N. Jordan or the IMU3Agenda•Define and Identify Relationship(s)•Start with “I”•Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship•Building and Maintaining a Healthy Relationship•Characteristics of an Unhealthy Relationship•Abusive Relationship Traits – Resources4How do you define:RelationshipThe way in which two or more people are connected•What are some different types of relationships? •In these, who holds the upper hand? Why? •Power Sources are internal or external•Power is earned, voted upon, a birthright •Personal power •Do you have a good relationship with yourself? •What are your personal deal breakers? Relational deal breakers? 56Johari Window•We can build trust with others by disclosing information about ourselves>•With the help of feedback from others, we can learn more about ourselves and gain personal insightI love__, I hate__, I like__, I want___, I fear___, I hope___ 7“I” Activity - “We” ActivitySingle and O.K. with it!Footer Text 8Single people have a variety of sexual interaction patterns and relationships that might include: –Celibacy–Serial monogamy–Long term exclusive partnership–Multiple concurrent partners–Primary relationship with occasional other partners–Casual Sex Partners9What about libido?af·fec·tion noun1. a gentle feeling of fondness or liking."he felt>affection for>his wise old grandfather"synonyms: fondness,>love,>liking,>tenderness,>warmth,>devotion,>endearment, care, caring,>attachment,>friendship;Characteristics of a Healthy RelationshipRelationships Need•Attention•Acceptance•Appreciation•Affection10Must have a Healthy Balance•What is Independent George forgetting?INDIVIDUATION VS. ATTACHMENT1112 Mutual RespectMutual Respect, Trust and EqualityWhen individuals feel equal, they feel worth and value.>13Build Love Maps(Communicate) The purpose of a map is to know where you’ve been, where you are, where you are going, and how to get back home.14Share Fondness & Admiration 15•Remind yourself of your partner’s positive qualities – even when you are struggling with their flaws•Express them out loud!Turn Towards Instead of Away•We often make “bids” for attention, affection, humor, or support• Turning toward is basis of emotional connection, romance, passion, and a good sex life!• Sliding door moments – Windows of opportunity16Conflict exists. If managed properly, conflict is healthy.•Seek first to understand before being understood•Remember the 1- to 5+ ratio (for every negative, 5 or more positive are needed)•STEP 1:•Express feelings without blame and vocalize positive need (what you want/what you don’t want) i.e., “I want us to find a happy medium if we can’t agree.” or “I don’t want this to destroy us.” - Start with “I” instead of “you”•STEP 2:•De-escalate the tension by apologizing, or expressing appreciation•STEP 3:•Calm yourself and each other; take breaks to cool off•STEP 4:•Communicate, Compromise, Negotiate, Investigate, and wisely resolve your issues 17Managing Conflict The 3 major issues are?Money, Sex and Family/FriendsCOMMUNICATION ABOUT SEX•Know what you want•Tell your partner•Be open, honest•Ask what they want•Learn body language• Pay close attention to each other01/14/2019 18Dreams & Shared Meaning•Create Shared Meaning•Vocalize your dreams19THEIRBe Prepared20Characteristics of an Unhealthy Relationship21The 4 Horseman of the ApocalypseHow to know when your relationship is in trouble…•Horseman #1 – Criticism •Attacking partner’s personality or character•Generalizations “always” and “never”•Prepares the way for contempt 22The 4 Horseman of the Apocalypse•Horseman #2 – Contempt •The intent is to attack and psychologically abuse your partner; often passive aggressively•Insults• Name calling•Hostile humor•Rejecting body language 23The 4 Horseman of the Apocalypse•Horseman #3 – Defensiveness •Often a response to criticism and contempt…• Denying responsibility •Makes excuses•Disagreeing with negative mind reading•Cross-complaining•Repeating yourself•Rubber man/woman• Yes-butting•Whining•Defensive body language 24The 4 Horseman of the Apocalypse• Horseman #4 – Stonewalling •Replacing other responses with stony silence•Withdrawn• Disengaged • Changing the subject• Physically leaving25The 4 Horseman of the ApocalypseIssue with the 4 Horseman – How habitual •Cycle of Negativity•The 4 horseman interfere with a couple’s communication•Lead to a cycle of discord and negativity•May be aware but feel unable to break cycle•Repair mechanisms •Learning how to break the cycle26Corralling the 4 Horseman •Apologize•“I’ve had a long day, can we start over?”•“We’ll