SAME SEX RELATIONSHIPS Is the intimacy we are describing only between men and women? – Most research focuses on heterosexual couples • How well does this research generalize to same-sex relationships? Some numbers: • Same sex couples make up 1% of all households with couples in them o Large number if you think how many households are in the U.S. o Not quite fair, because many households are married couples and in most states, same-sex couples cant get married o We need to compare them to unmarried household couples • Same sex couples make up 12% of all households headed by unmarried couples • 20% of all same-sex couples are raising children compare to 48% of all married couples o Less likely than heterosexuals, but still quite likely to be raising children • These are likely to be underestimates • Theoretical Issues: Can we study same sex and different sex intimacy in the same course? • “137C = Intimate relationships” – can apply to both • Is intimacy = intimacy for all sexes? What matters most: your gender, or the gender of the people you are attracted to? • Is a homosexual man more similar to a heterosexual woman bc they are both attracted to men or more similar to a heterosexual man bc they are both men? Modular psychological mechanisms • Are the mechanisms that we have evolved as a species to reproduce and develop intimate bonds linked to our gender or linked to our sexual orientation? • Which module do our preferences lie on: orientation or gender? • Methodological Issues: Defining “gay, lesbian, and straight” • If we dig deeper we find that such labels are sloppy • People can be heterosexual yet be attracted or even sexually active with members of same sex • Disjunction between how people label themselves + what they actually do o What matters more: arousal (what people do) or label? o Label: identity, behavior: disease• Rely on people’s labels of themselves Defining “same sex relationship” • Even more difficult to define • What defines a ‘relationship’? – defined differently for different people • Research often ignores how people feel and what they actually do (let people label themselves) • Rely on people’s labels Finding a sample • 1970s: researchers began to study same-sex relationships. Before that it was considered a disorder • How do you study behavior that has been so stigmatized? • Samples in the 70s were identified in gay bars and bath houses o Generalized from people in those bars to all gay people (problematic) o Early studies were greatly exaggerated in terms of promiscuity + behavior of gay populations • Current research has better samples Choosing a comparison group • Nature of comparison depends on which couples you choose o Not always a fair comparison: shouldn’t compare same-sex households to married couple households (allowed to be married vs. not allowed to be married) ! Don’t know if differences are du to gender or other factors (such as not allowed to get married) o Even couples who aren’t married is not a totally fair comparison, because they still have the option of getting married • Better: select states where same-sex marriage is permitted Historical changes affect findings • There have been changes in different-sex relationships, but they aren’t as great as the changes that same-sex relationships have undergone • AIDS drastically changed how same-sex sexuality was expressed Questions: Is intimacy a phenomenon that is different depending on whether people involved are of the same or different sex? Evidence for Similarity • Same-Sex Relationships:What we have wanted for thousands of years are the same values for both same- + different-sex relationships Value affection + closeness + commitment • Universal among same- + different-sex couples Egalitarian values • Homosexual couples are more likely to emphasize egalitarian values (endorse them more) Satisfaction studies • No differences in satisfaction between same-sex and different-sex couples • No difference in quality of relationship (how happy/unhappy they are) Can outside judges distinguish? • Researcher had people write paragraphs about their relationships but took out pronouns so you couldn’t tell whether relationships were same or different sex relationships o Gave these to outsiders to read and have them figure out if the paragraphs came from straight or gay relationship o Result: could not tell the difference – were guessing but guessing more o More likely to guess same sex relationship if paragraph mentioned jealousy or infidelity There are differences, just not in the nature of the intimate bond Evidence of Differences • Sexuality: Who thinks monogamy is important? – Do you think sexual exclusivity is a crucial part of a committed relationship? • Women: 84% of wives, 70% of cohabitors, and 71% of lesbians • Men: 75% of husbands, 62% of cohabitors, and 35% of gay men • This difference has persisted across time o Gay men are less likely to endorse sexual exclusivity o Evolutionary perspective: more offspring if they have other sexual relations for men – both have similar interests: relationship but also more sexual relationships Sexual frequency • After 10 years, what kind of couples are having most and least sex? o Married couples (different-sex) have more sex than homosexual couples, gay men less, lesbians the least • Every relationship has more sex in the beginning Sexual satisfaction • Gay + lesbian are more sexually satisfied than different-sex married couples• Same sex couples didn’t have as many sexual models available as different sex couples, so they required more communication • Same sex couples have same genitals, so they may be more understanding of what arouses the partner • Context: Exposure to discrimination • Gay people live in a more threatening world even though there is less stigma o Different sex couples can kiss and hold hands in public, whereas gays may be victims of derogatory comments • Associated with an array of health problems + suicide • Same sex relationships may have the same intimacy but face greater challenges outside (in public) • EXTERNAL difference, not internal The challenge of disclosure • Bigger problem if they can make it public that they are a couple in same-sex relationships because they are not just identifying a relationship but also