PSYCH 137C - LECTURE 4/4/12 1:01 PM Benjamin Karney – [email protected] Office hours: W + F – 2:30 – 3:30 – Franz 4560 The Power of Intimate Relationships Who cares about intimate relationships? • Everyone, fundamental part of human existence + experience since dawn of culture Intimate Relationships and Happiness • Also central to being a happy person • Quality of relationships matter – happy person – happy relationships • Marriage (relationships) contributes most to how happy a person is overall o You cant be happy unless your relationships are happy + vice versa What Makes a Relationship? Interdependence! • State in which one person’s behavior affects the other persons’ outcomes + vice versa • = Relationship: how we affect each other • We have a relationship/interdependence with everyone on the planet to a certain degree (environment) Dimensions of Interdependence: • Frequency of contact • Duration of contact • Diversity of different interactions • Direction of influence (uni - or bidirectional) • Strength of influence Close Relationship: A strong, frequent, and diverse interdependence of long duration • No direction included Intimate Relationship: • Recognizing the partner as special and unique: a personal relationship • Desire, especially lust and sexual desire o Actual sexual intercourse is not necessary o Potential for eroticism must be present • Is physical intimacy by itself intimacy? o Intimate relationships are not necessarily romantic (couples who have been together for a long time)o Potential to have sex + where it started counts • Are intimate relationships the same as romantic relationships o Intimate relationships are broader than romantic relationships (tho they overlap) Why Intimate Relationships Matter Intimate relationships are: • Universal, powerful, + affect our health – highest highs + lowest lows • Marriage is not universal, but intimate relationships (pair-bonding) are in 90% of cultures • People in good relationship live longer, recover from disease quicker o Study of cytokines in wounds: heal quicker in happy couples Study: How do relationships affect firing of neurons in threat: Experiment: after seeing an X – women get shocked on ankle 3 conditions: women alone / research assistant (stranger) hand holding / relationship partner’s hand ⇒ Women holding partner’s hand showed less stress response – brain reacted differently because partner was around. Effect was biggest for those who were in happy relationship → Our brains are wired to physically respond to our relationship partners What do we want to know about Intimate Relationships? The Longevity Question • Why do some relationships last a long time? • Commitment, investment, alternatives • Divorce rates fall the more years couples are married (highest divorce rate: 2-4 yrs) The Satisfaction Question • Similarity, trust, eroticism The Change Question! • All relationships start out satisfying but why and what changes? • Where does love go/how do you keep it alive? People disagree about Intimate Relationships Attraction: • Express interest or play hard to get? • Differing opinions → science to find answer Conflict: • Should couples embrace it or avoid it? • Happy couples learn to avoid certain things in a