HD 204 2nd Edition Exam 1 Study Guide Lectures 8 12 Lecture 8 September 17 I Relational Maintenance Strategies a What is relational maintenance Everyday stuff that involves keeping a relationship In existence In a state of connectedness In satisfactory condition In repair b Maintenance Strategies Positivity Openness Assurance Social Networks Sharing Tasks c Gottman s Magic Ratio The ratio of positive to negative interactions needs to be 5 1 in times of conflict 20 1 in times of peace d Maintenance in other family relationships Children and parents Sibling relationships Long distance partnerships Mediated messages vs Face to face Divorce and remarriage e Relational maintenance strategies Confirming messages Recognition II Dialogue Acceptance Rejecting messages Disconfirming messages Conforming Relational Currencies a Communication behaviors that carry meaning b Ways of showing caring love and kindness c Symbolic exchange process d Family of origin influence e Type of currencies f Listening Touch Sexuality Money Favors Service Giving Time Access rights Meanings and currencies Satisfaction is tied to one s perception of currency Couples with similar affection exchange behaviors have higher levels of relationship satisfaction g Gottman s spin on currencies III Emotional bank account Bids a Bids The way a person expresses what they need in that moment b Examples Do you like chocolate milkshakes A hug You never think to call Hey A sigh c Responding to bids Turning towards Turning away Not noticing bid Not usually mean spirited but negative effect Turning against IV Noticing big and responding to it Refusing bid Rituals a Respected behaviors or events that involve Symbolism Emotion Transformation Preparation b Serve ongoing maintenance and relational functions in the family c Development As part of cultural traditions Families develop create or invent new ones d Goals and functions Healthy emotional ties Membership changes Healing Identifying definition redefinition Rites of passage Express beliefs Deal with contradictions e Intergenerational Rituals Grandparents grandchildren rituals f Parent child rituals Blended family Managing rituals Under rutilization Over rutilization don t want to get rid of ritual Distinctiveness Balance in stability and change Lecture 9 September 19 I Intimacy a What is intimacy Intimacy involves A close familiar and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship A detailed and deep knowledge and understanding from close personal experiences Marital intimacy also includes sexual relations b Development of intimacy Limits of intimacy reflect how families manage Dialectical tensions Boundaries Biosocial issues Need for and comfort with intimate ties change over time Altman and Taylor s Social Penetration Model Orientation Exploratory Effective Exchange Affective Exchange Stability Orientation first impressions Exploratory Effective Exchange acquaintance no commitment Affective Exchange Close friendships courtship Stability Commitment Limitation not all family relationships are formed voluntarily c Interaction that promote intimacy involve II Confirmation Commitment Self disclosure Sexual communication Forgiveness Commitment a Degree to which we are willing to work for the continuation of the relationship b Internally and externally imposed constraints Personal dedication Ought to and have to stay together c Relationship turning points points where relationship either goes to a higher level of intimacy or it dissolves Direct efforts Indirect Efforts III Secret tests Self disclosure a Revealing information about oneself involves taking a risk b Trust in partner is foundation of self disclosure c Results in intimacy when partner responds with validation understanding empathy d Dimensions of Disclosure Breadth Superficial information shared with many people and early in the relationship outside of onion Depth Significant information shared with few people and later in the relationship core of onion e Partner relationships f Responsiveness of partner promotes intimacy Disclosure of negative feelings often met with rejecting or disconfirming messages Women more likely to disclose Curvilinear relationship of disclosure and satisfaction Too much disclosure does not allow for individuality g Parent child relationships Which parents are likely to receive self disclosure Mothers Those perceived as warm nurturing Cohesion and adaptability Nature of topic h When is self disclosure likely to occur IV Debriefing conversations Developmental or unpredictable stresses Intimation sequences Intimacy and Sex in partner relationships a Intimacy sexual relationships b Sex is both a form of communication and a reflection of communication c Sexuality and behavior reflect gender socialization d Sexual scripts Expectations for how to behave sexually Who age who is acceptable in your mind Do they have to be the same race Same sex What Range of behaviors that are acceptable When in front of parents vs when out Where Where you are Why Lot of variations for why e Gender differences Focus on sexual experience Men sexual attraction and desire Women Romance and Love Sexual activity is tied to Men Masculinity Women Reproduction and family life f V Role during sexual experience Men Initiator director lead actor Women Passive recipient of pleasure Appropriate level of sexual experience and expertise Men High Women Low Sex and Partner Relationships Communication in the bedroom starts in other rooms Ability to talk about sexual relationship linked to satisfaction Couples in long term sexual relationships may be more satisfied Sexual relationships over the life cycle Parent child communication about sex a Mother discuss sex more with children especially with daughters b Girls who talk with their mom about sex are More likely to have conservative sexual values Less likely to have engaged in sexual activity More likely to use condoms consistently c Some parents still don t want to discuss sex even when their teens do Why is this d Some parents want to discuss sex with their children but don t know how to e Not talking about sex still sends a message Lecture 10 September 24 I Intimacy a Contributing Factors Effort Putting time and energy into the relationship Gottman s Love Maps Favorite least favorite relatives Current worries Concerns Best Friends Most stressful childhood events Dreams and aspirations Sacrifice Setting aside self interest Examples Relocating for partners career Working extra