HD 204 1st Edition Lecture 7 Outline of Last Lecture I Functions of Secrets II Factors Influencing the Effect of Secrets III Family Networks and Narratives IV How family stories are told Outline of Current Lecture I Relational Maintenance Strategies II Relational Currencies III Bids IV Rituals Current Lecture I Relational Maintenance Strategies a What is relational maintenance Everyday stuff that involves keeping a relationship In existence In a state of connectedness In satisfactory condition In repair b Maintenance Strategies Positivity Openness Assurance Social Networks Sharing Tasks c Gottman s Magic Ratio These notes represent a detailed interpretation of the professor s lecture GradeBuddy is best used as a supplement to your own notes not as a substitute The ratio of positive to negative interactions needs to be 5 1 in times of conflict 20 1 in times of peace d Maintenance in other family relationships Children and parents Sibling relationships Long distance partnerships Mediated messages vs Face to face Divorce and remarriage e Relational maintenance strategies II Confirming messages Recognition Dialogue Acceptance Rejecting messages Disconfirming messages Conforming Relational Currencies a Communication behaviors that carry meaning b Ways of showing caring love and kindness c Symbolic exchange process d Family of origin influence e Type of currencies Listening Touch Sexuality Money Favors Service Giving Time Access rights f Meanings and currencies Satisfaction is tied to one s perception of currency Couples with similar affection exchange behaviors have higher levels of relationship satisfaction g Gottman s spin on currencies III Emotional bank account Bids a Bids The way a person expresses what they need in that moment b Examples Do you like chocolate milkshakes A hug You never think to call Hey A sigh c Responding to bids Turning towards Turning away Not noticing bid Not usually mean spirited but negative effect Turning against IV Noticing big and responding to it Refusing bid Rituals a Respected behaviors or events that involve Symbolism Emotion Transformation Preparation b Serve ongoing maintenance and relational functions in the family c Development As part of cultural traditions Families develop create or invent new ones d Goals and functions Healthy emotional ties Membership changes Healing Identifying definition redefinition Rites of passage Express beliefs Deal with contradictions e Intergenerational Rituals f Grandparents grandchildren rituals Parent child rituals Blended family Managing rituals Under rutilization Over rutilization don t want to get rid of ritual Distinctiveness Balance in stability and change