CONFLICT MANAGEMENT – FOCUS ON COUPLE RELATIONSHIPS Two Kinds of Marital Conflict – Importance:1. Perpetual Conflict – part of your lives forever, leads to gridlock if not coped with/accepted.2. Solvable Problems – use soft start ups, repair attempts, watch for flooding, compromise, tolerate each others' imperfections.- Repair attempts – break in tension during an argument – humor, physical contact. Five Couple Types1. Regulated Couples- Validating couples – calmer, intimate, value companionate marriage, shared experience rather than individuality.- Volatile couples – romantic, passionate, experience heated arguments with cycles of fighting and sex.- Avoider couples – conflict-minimizing, eschew confrontation, interact only in positive range of their emotions. If couples do not always constructively resolve conflict, how do they manage to stay together?1. Five-to-one ratio – for every one negative remark, five positives should be exchanged.2. Compatibility of conflict styles  6 Predictors of Divorce1. Harsh Startup2. Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse1. Criticism – personal attack on character; complaint.2. Defensiveness – results from criticism and contempt; protective measure of character.3. Contempt – sarcasm, cynicism, eye rolling, name calling, disgust, hostile humor.o Long simmering negative thoughts about partner; at their expense.4. Withdrawal/Stonewalling – avoidance of conflict; defeat.3. Flooding - spouse's negativity shuts you down, people stonewall to protect themselves fromflooding; emotional shock.4. Body language – heart beat, speech speed, posture, fight or flight mode, men undergo this mode quicker.5. Failed repair attempts – the efforts that a couple makes to prevent flooding and deescalate a situation are not effective.6. Bad memories – rewrite the past for the worst; remember solely the negative aspects. Final 4 Stages – “Death Knell”1. You perceive your marital problems as severe.2. Talking things over seems useless. You try to solve problems on your own.3. You begin leading parallel lives.4. Loneliness sets in. 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work1. Enhance your love maps – knowledge of partner's idiosyncrasies; fosters understanding.2. Nurture Fondness and Admiration3. Turn toward each other, not away – response to affection.4. Let your partner influence you5. Solve Solvable Problems – cooperative communication methods; soft start-ups.6. Overcome Gridlock – recognize the need for compromise to deal with a situation.7. Create Shared Meaning – change and adapt to increase partner's self-worth; establish ritualsand collective