NCSU COM 112 - COM 112 Chapter 12 (31 pages)

Previewing pages 1, 2, 14, 15, 30, 31 of 31 page document View the full content.
View Full Document

COM 112 Chapter 12



Previewing pages 1, 2, 14, 15, 30, 31 of actual document.

View the full content.
View Full Document
View Full Document

COM 112 Chapter 12

170 views


Pages:
31
School:
North Carolina State University
Course:
Com 112 - Interpersonal Communication
Unformatted text preview:

CHAPTER PREVIEW 1 2 3 4 1 The Nature of Interpersonal Deception 2 The Diversity of Deceptive Acts 3 Communication Behaviors and Deception 4 Detecting Lies in Different Contexts FEELING THE PAIN OF DISHONESTY Amanda Broadband had always harbored suspicions about her husband Stuart s past He claimed to have been faithful during their 15 year relationship but in 2008 Amanda discovered in a very public and humiliating way that he had been lying The spouses were contestants on Jerry Springer s British television game show Nothing But the Truth in which participants are hooked up to a lie detector and asked a series of personal questions on the air Those who answer every question truthfully can win the equivalent of 100 000 but one lie and all the money is lost Faced with the chance to pocket significant cash Stuart responded to a question about his marital fidelity by revealing that he had carried on a brief affair several years earlier Although relieved to know the truth Amanda felt betrayed and deeply embarrassed all the more so because her husband s deception had been exposed on national television Page 382 N o one likes being lied to When we find out someone has deceived us we feel angry and taken advantage of Although those feelings of betrayal and violation can occur in all relationships they can be particularly strong and painful when the deception occurs in the context of a close relationship as it did for Amanda and Stuart Deception hurts us emotionally and it erodes our trust in others as the Communication Dark Side box explains 1 Yet are you completely honest all the time Do you ever pretend you re happy to see someone just to avoid hurting that person s feelings How about those times you say Sorry I have plans when you don t really have plans but you want to get out of something you don t want to do Most of us would have to admit we don t always tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth But being polite tactful or discreet isn t really the same thing as lying Is it 1 The Nature of Interpersonal Deception You don t have to look far to find high profile examples of deception In 2009 New York Yankees infielder Alex Rodriguez became the most prominent baseball player yet to admit to using performance enhancing drugs a charge he had squarely denied before that time The previous year track star Marion Jones was sentenced to six months in prison for lying to investigators about using steroids a confession that also cost Jones her five Olympic medals From politicians to advertisers to professional athletes it seems that many people in our world attempt to benefit personally by deceiving others Whatever our personal feelings may be about the value of honesty the reality is that most people conceal the truth on a regular basis 2 To respect the privacy of a co worker who is in treatment for alcohol addiction for instance you may tell her clients that she s away from work on a special assignment By the same token you may tell your 12 year old nephew that he did a wonderful job performing in his school musical even though he can barely carry a tune because you want to encourage him Sometimes in fact we even reprimand people for telling the truth When children make straightforward comments about other people You smell funny Your teeth are really yellow we usually teach them it is impolite to say such things even though they are expressing honest opinions We might agree that lying is wrong if we do it to hurt someone but what if we do it to avoid hurting someone 3 We may choose not to think of politeness or discretion as examples of lying because words such aslying and deception have negative connotations However even when their intentions are admirable people often misrepresent the truth to achieve them 4 When we think of lying as a misrepresentation of the truth no matter what the intention we realize that deception is often a part of everyday social interaction Page 383 HURTING THE ONES WE LOVE DECEPTION CAN DESTROY TRUST W hen Kendra Craig first met her husband Andy he was heavily in debt Over the next six years she helped him restructure his finances and pay off all his credit card balances He then admitted that he owed almost 13 000 on an additional credit card that she didn t know about Kendra refinanced their house to pay off that debt but she informed Andy in no uncertain terms that if he ever lied to her again about his debts she would leave him Eight months later Kendra found a credit card statement with a balance of over 6 000 under the passenger s seat in Andy s car She felt completely betrayed It was bad enough that Andy was jeopardizing their family s financial health by continuing to accrue debt The fact that he was also lying to Kendra about it made her feel as though he had completely violated her trust Kendra s painful experience is not unique As you have seen in this course close personal relationships require the ability to trust When you learn that someone you care about has lied to you particularly about a matter of importance that discovery often makes you less willing to believe other statements that person makes In other words it erodes your trust in the individual When trust is compromised in a close relationship it may never fully recover even if you forgive the person for lying If you find yourself the victim of violated trust think honestly about how that episode has affected your trust in that person ASK YOURSELF Where does trust come from What makes you trust others Has deception ever ruined your trust in another person If so how did your willingness to trust that person change over time if at all Throughout this chapter it s important to keep an open mind and think of deception as just one of many communication processes you re learning about in this class That doesn t mean you should check your morals or beliefs at the door On the contrary how you think about the value of honesty reliability and integrity helps to define who you are as a human being Many people believe that honesty is truly the best policy Nearly all the major world religions promote the virtue of honesty and condemn deceptive behavior Remember though that studying something isn t the same as condoningit Whether or not you are ethically or morally opposed to lying understanding deception helps you to become a better communicator 5 In fact the more you know about deception the better you may become at detecting it The Girl Scout LawI will do my best to be honest and fair


View Full Document

Access the best Study Guides, Lecture Notes and Practice Exams

Loading Unlocking...
Login

Join to view COM 112 Chapter 12 and access 3M+ class-specific study document.

or
We will never post anything without your permission.
Don't have an account?
Sign Up

Join to view COM 112 Chapter 12 and access 3M+ class-specific study document.

or

By creating an account you agree to our Privacy Policy and Terms Of Use

Already a member?