CHAPTER PREVIEW1. 1 Understanding the Self: Self-Concept2. 2 Valuing the Self: Self-Esteem3. 3 Presenting the Self: Image Management4. 4 Communicating the Self: Self-DisclosureLIVING MULTIPLE LIVESThe romantic comedy film Sweet Home Alabama (2002) is a tale of identity clashes. Reese Witherspoon plays Melanie Smooter, who leaves behind her southern roots to become a successful New York City fashion designer. Upon her engagement to Andrew Hennings—the son of New York's mayor—Melanie announces that she must return to Alabama alone to tell her parents the good news. What Andrew doesn't know is that she is returning to demand a divorce from her childhood boyfriend, Jake Perry, to whom she is still married. When she arrives in Alabama, Melanie discovers the complexity of negotiating two very different selves—one representing her past, the other representing her present.Page 72Many of us have gone through an ordeal like Melanie's—a situation in which two of our selves clash, and we are left feeling uncomfortable and unsure. In her case, there was the Melanie from childhood, steeped in the traditions and values of the rural, conservative South. Then there was the Melanie from adulthood, the high-achieving professional in the urban, progressive North. Early adulthood is a time when many of us try to break away from our childhood self-concepts—our ideas about ourselves—and figure out who we want to be as adults. It's not at all uncommon for individuals, like Melanie, to find their past and their present identities at odds.1 Understanding the Self: Self-ConceptInterpersonal communication begins with you and your understanding of yourself. Who are you? How do you relate to others? What is the self in myself? Answering those questions allows you to communicate and form relationships with a solid understanding of who you are and what you have to offer.In this section we examine the self-concept and consider various influences on its development. We probehow individuals manage their identities in day-to-day life and how communication with others reflects one's self-concept.What Is a Self-Concept?Think about the ways you would answer the question “Who am I?” What words would you choose? Whichanswers would be most important? Each of us has a set of ideas about who we are that isn't influenced by moment-to-moment events (such as “I'm happy right now”) but is fairly stable over the course of life (such as “I'm a happy person”). Your self-concept is composed of those stable ideas about who you are. Itis your identity, your understanding of who you are. Self-concepts have three fundamental characteristics:They are multifaceted, partly subjective, and enduring but changeable.SELF-CONCEPTS ARE MULTIFACETED. We define ourselves in many ways. Some ways rely on ourname: “I'm Michaela”; “I am Bill.” Some rely on physical or social categories: “I am a woman”; “I'm Australian.” Others speak to our skills or interests: “I'm artistic”; “I'm a good cook.” Still others are based on our relationships to other people: “I am an uncle”; “I do volunteer work with homeless children.” Finally, some rely on our evaluations of ourselves: “I am an honest person”; “I am an impatient person.”Each of those descriptions taps into one or more parts of a person's self-concept, and in this sense the self-concept is multifaceted. Put another way, what we call the self is actually a collection of smaller selves, as Figure 3.1 depicts. If you're female, that's a part of who you are, but it isn't everything you are. If you're Asian, athletic, agnostic, or asthmatic, these may all be parts of your self-concept, but none ofthese terms defines you completely. All the different ways you would describe yourself are pieces of your overall self-concept.One way to think about your self-concept is to distinguish between aspects of yourself that are known to others and aspects that are known only to you. In 1955, American psychologists Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham created the Johari window, a visual representation of the self as composed of four parts.1 According to the model (Figure 3.2), the open area consists of characteristics that are known both to the self and to others. That probably includes your name, sex, hobbies, and academic major, and other aspects of your self-concept that you are aware of and freely share with others. In contrast, the hidden area consists of characteristics that you know about yourself but choose not to reveal to others, such as emotional insecurities or past traumas that you elect to keep hidden. FIGURE 3.2The Johari Window In the Johari window, the open area represents what you know and choose to reveal to others, and the hidden area depicts what you know but choose not to reveal. the blind area reflects what others know about you but you don't recognize in yourself, and the unknown area comprises the dimensions of yourself that no one knows.Page 74An innovative aspect of the Johari window is that it recognizes dimensions of an individual's self-concept of which he or she may be unaware. For instance, others might see you as impatient or volatile though you don't recognize those traits in yourself. Those characteristics make up the third part of the model, the blind area. Finally, the unknown area comprises aspects of your self-concept that are not known eitherto you or to others. For example, no one—including you—can know what kind of parent you will be until you actually become a parent. Likewise, no one can know how you would handle sudden wealth unless you unexpectedly become wealthy.These four parts of the Johari window—open, hidden, blind, and unknown—are not necessarily of equal importance for each individual. For example, Raisa keeps many aspects of her self-concept to herself, soher hidden area is much larger than the other parts of her Johari window. In contrast, people describe Aaron as an “open book,” meaning that he keeps little about his self-concept private. Thus, for Aaron, the open area is the largest area. The areas of the Johari window can also change in importance as a person's experiences change. For instance, when Denae was diagnosed with terminal cancer, she discovered emotional strength, compassion, and a sense of humor that she and others never knew she had. That experience moved those aspects of her self-concept from her unknown area to her open area.On the USA Network series White Collar, Neal Caffrey